Top 10: Things I will not miss about pregnancy

10. My pregnancy "uniform". The first trimester is spent squeezing into the same 2 or 3 pants that still fit before you break-down and go buy maternity pants. And then the last month or more is spent wearing the only shirts/pants that actually cover your belly. Also, my flip-flops. I have spent the last 6+ weeks in the same shoe due to swelling with this heat. They are comfy and I love 'em... but I am also so over the limited shoe wear (plus, they are getting stinky!)
9. The pains. First it was sciatic nerve back pains in the first trimester. Now its my "nether regions" that ACHE from holding up 27 extra pounds. Getting up out of bed really exaggerates this pain, too - ouch!
8. Stuffy nose. Everyday I have to blow my nose. And at night, I can't breathe causing me to snore... this must be the "glowing" part they talk about with pregnancy.
7. The unyielding belly. The limited range of motion is tiring, but you do get used to it (surprisingly). At the same time, it would be nice to bend without looking like an old man about to topple over. Reaching my feet again would be exciting, too.
6. Banging into door knobs with my belly. Specifically, my belly button. Oddly enough, the knobs in my house are at just the perfect height for bumping my already tender belly button again... and again. I've begun walking around with my hands acting like a shield this last month...
5. Prego sex. Eh. It's not all that great. I'm looking forward to prepregnancy sex (And hey! Apparently, with a C-Section, it will be like prepregnancy sex again, too! Fantastic!)
4. Big panties. And unflattering ones at that. No one carrying a baby wears thongs.. and, for some reason, I miss that.
3. Rolling over in bed at night. Jan, my body pillow that I wrap around these days, is great and all... but it would be nice to roll gently from side to side without dragging her with me. Or better still, sleep on my freakin' stomach again!
2. The s-l-o-w waddle. Need I say more? I'd like to pick up the pace again. And, walk with my legs together. Hell, I'd like to be able to CROSS my legs when I sit...
1. Not knowing what's in there. What does she look like? Who does she look like? What's her personality like? (Well, ok, we know stuboorn & finicky already). what the hell have I gotten myself into? What does a "parent" do exactly...

Things that did not make my list (because I never had these experiences: Midnight cravings. Stretch marks (at least, not that I can see yet). Swollen/puffy face, arms, hands, etc (I don't think I'm swollen.... am I?). Extreme weight gain. Morning sickness. Consistent headaches.

** I forgot to add that I will not miss my left side going numb. I think I have a pinched nerve which has provided me with a "marching ants" sensation up and down my left hip since December. Its a fantastic sensation that I'm eager to never experience again. ;-)

4.5 Days...

Its funny how the countdown has begun to go in another direction. Instead of counting how far I've come... its a countdown to how much further I have to go.
People have been very excited for us (please hold off on all silent "duh's")... the idea of knowing the specific day is a very cool concept. It is, don't get me wrong. Its all still... so... shocking!

I was in line at the office cafeteria today. A woman I have attended meetings with turns to ask, "When are you due, again?"
"Um, well, technically, the 10th. But, um, I am having a C-Section on Monday."
"The 2nd? This Monday?"
"Yeah."
"Why are you here?!."
Ha! I thought this was a funny conversation.

We are using each day to get activities done. D came over to help set-up the baby hammock that he loaned us. He also helped move a dresser. Today, we installed the car seats in both cars. I paid all bills today & caught up on our checkbook entries. Tomorrow, I'll pack away baby laundry and finally start cleaning up nursery room details. I want to get things "done" by Sunday so Rob and I can go out to a nice dinner & enjoy a private day alone together. Its kind of nice knowing we have this opportunity to plan and organize our last, baby-free, day together.

The baby's been moving a LOT today. Its actually getting painful. I'm so tight. I had a book resting on my belly and she kicked it ...and it lurched! (This book was a coffee table "Big Book of Birthdays"... its huge and heavy! I'm both impressed by her strength and totaly creeped out).

I'm getting nervous about doing too much to cause myself to go INTO labor. Now I need to keep things calm and cool until Monday. Its odd to go from trying to jumpstart things to then slowing them down. ;-)

Monday, July 2, 2007

That's baby Ullman's birthday.
You know these things when you schedule a cesarean.
Yup, a C-Section.
A surgical delivery.
A not-so-happy & reluctant mom will be getting cut open sometime Monday afternoon... and then will be able to meet her daughter, hopefully, very soon after.
Why the C-Section? In a word: breech.
Baby has sat upright facing out (to my left) since I was able to recognize that this hard, round object was indeed, a head. If you've been reading my blog, you know that my prenatal instructor recommended lunges and gently messaging her to flip around. I've tried sitting inverted on an ironing board, ice packs on my belly and coaxing her downward with a flashlight. I've been hopeful that she'd flip as the date drew closer... and I've been preparing for the realities that she never will.
8:15AM - We went to the doctor for my 38th week check-up. Rob went to help me remember the list of questions... and to help me remember the answers (I am both forgetful and not listening these days). The doc asked right away, "Any questions?" I told him it depended what he found out (knowing we are watching a breech baby). He poked her head, "I feel something hard and round here still," he squeezed and pinched above my public bone, "and something soft here like a butt."
I left the doctor's office 2 weeks ago pissed off at the baby like it was all her fault. All her fault for being so stubborn. And stupid. Doesn't she want to work with nature? I cried and I later got over it hoping there was still a chance she'd flip. Today, I just cried. He said, "I think we should schedule." And I just cried. Rob saw the pending waterworks so he hoped up and sat with me on the table before the flood. Smart man. Lucky wife.
I motioned for a tissue next to the doctor while Rob took over explaining that I was just scared and nervous having never had a major surgical procedure before. And, he's right. It was nice that he took over.
The doctor then says, "So Michelle will set something up for Monday or Tuesday."
Monday or Tuesday? Holy sh*t! Like, in a week? I lose a weekend? I mean, I knew this pregnancy would end, and soon, but in a week? I just... it changes everything. The KNOWING the date changes all your emotions. Its kind of relaxing, really. I no longer have to worry about when it will happen or what do contractions feel like or how long will labor be or will my water break at the office. But, its also disappointing cause there are really no surprises left yet. We didn't wait till the end to find out what sex the baby is and now we aren't even going to be surprised about her birth/ birthdate.
I feel a little like a cheater. I won't know what contractions feel like at all. Don't get me wrong - I went into the doctor's office prepared to tell him that I did NOT want to go into labor knowing she'd still possibly be breech and ultimately delivered cesarean. I've known people who had to push and try and struggle... only to have it all end with the doctor taking the baby. F*ck that.
But, maybe the next one, ...right?
So, we have yet to schedlue the time but it will be Monday July 2nd afternoon. I wanted the 3rd (I like odd numbers, particularly the number 3) but apparently it was all booked. I don't think the doctor wanted to push it until the 7th either. So, the 2nd it is. I guarantee I will not sleep the night before and will have chewed off all my fingernails by the time I am strapped down.
4:10PM - Went to the potty at work to find a rather unpleasant surprise. I was spotting. It was actually a bit more than that. My first thought, "Great! Do I have a tampon?"What are you thinking? Snap out of it!
I, literally, ran to my desk to grab a liner that I happened to have. I actually had a co-worker pull a fast left-right move to get out of my way... its funny looking back on it now. It must have been wild to have this belly running at you and then pilaging through their bag.
I ran back to the bathroom stall and called the doctor. Apparently, the cervix is "very vascular" and with the doctor checking me today (1.5cm and 50% effaced) its not too shocking that I'd bleed as a result. Phew! I was told to go home and put my feet up.
I darted home and got into bed from 4:30 - 7PM. I then carted my big butt to the couch where I haven't moved in 2.5 hrs. I think I'll head back to bed soon and read my book. I do, afterall, have 3 days left at work and I need to remain in good shape.
Less than 6 days to go now...

38 weeks...

Yup, still pregnant.
I feel bigger by the hour and feel tight as a drum. Thought you all might enjoy seeing the blue veins in my belly as I attempt to carry around a 7lb +/- solid mass inside my delicate, once flawless, skin. You can also see the strange white spots that I've been getting on my arms. Not sure if this is a blood flow issue or what... but I get speckly (and even more so if I get cold).

16 days... and counting

Oh my GAWD! I have now officially recaptured that long lost eagerness of being 11 years old. The eagerness associated with Christmas just being around the corner. Or, your birthday. Or, the last day of 6th grade.
Only - I have no f*cking clue when "that" day is. The possibility that it may be earlier... is not a good thing with me. I'll end up banking on it. I'm already rounding up the date for when I'm due & beginning to believe its sooner than it really is. I'm not exactly known and loved for my patience.
This past work week has been... difficult. And, I KNOW its only going to get more difficult with each passing day. And, it has.
I move slower each day - the movements from standing to sitting and back down again cause aches and pains. The process of switching positions is one that is both laborious and streneous. Once I'm up - I'm up. Same goes for when I'm down. And at the end of the day, I'm just wanting to be down. Now, I do still have my bouts of frantic ridiculousness (like suddenly having to pack for the hospital last night at midnight when I had to get up early this mroning). But mostly, I'm slipping more and more into a pattern of naps and lounging around. Things wear me out faster than ever.
I'm also becoming increasingly more scattered. I can have a conversation and not at all be listening. Or, worse, I get bored and space out only to jump to an entirely different (and completely unrelated) topic. And generally, that topic's already been explored but I wasn't at all listening the first time around. Its amazing that pregnant women have any friends when all is said and done. I'd kill me if I had to talk to myself... it must be exhausting.
I also no longer care... about anything I used to care about. I am beginning to wear the same thing 3 days in a row - I don't care what people say or think. Frankly, the number of outfits that appropriately cover my expanding mid-section are decreasing at a rate I find impossible to keep up with. I'm getting limited in my selection through sheer force of growing nature. When the bottom of your stretched, pasty belly hangs out and you catch a glimpse in the office bathroom mirror... you realize repeats are a better alternative to variety of cute tops that, at one time, fit properly.
I also don't care if I let work projects slide (thankfully, no one at work has caught on to this.. and if they have, they've been very sweet about letting it go). The house is growing increasingly more cluttered... again, no care. I now want to leave places/events to go home and be left alone (even Rob said he's begun to feel like he's slipping into hibernation lately), again, don't care. I'm pretty laid back when it comes to the things I found very important just a few months ago. Looking great, keeping organized and making appearances are all very low on my priority scale.
Nesting. I think I'm nesting more and more each day. And my form of it - is hoarding. Stock-piling. Preparing for what will be... the baby apocolypse. I recently HAD to have absorbing goods in mass quantities (pads of every variety - see earlier posts). Now I have begun stocking up on soap - bar soap, shampoo, laundry... you just never know when we may need to suddenly wash things and find ourselves low on soap. Rob's been very patient and kind of this process (last night it was batteries - get some for the flashlights, some extras for the camera... what the hell is next). He's fine as long as I keep buying things we will actually use. If I suddenly start stocking up on say, lime jello, he may just go ahead and leave me at the hospital waiting room with no car. But as it is now, my craziness has only assured him that he will not be asked to make a midnight dash for soap after the baby is here. If I want jello at 3AM when breast-feeding baby - I may be out of luck...
Nesting and baby laundry... phew! This is a wierd one. You have to wash EVERYTHING and take it all out of its packages. Its wierd preparing a room for someone who isn't here and you've never met. Do we have enough sheets? Will this sheet saver work and should I buy an extra in case? How many receiving blankets do I really need - maybe I'll leave this in the package. Rob and I have progessively moved more and more toward prepping the mass amounts of laundry that will need to be washed for the coming weeks. We cut all clothing tags a few weeks back (for some reason that was a major commitment, like, we could still back out of having a kid... a girl... and return many of these items. With no receipts, you really can't!). 2 days ago I opened up all the towels, sheets and many blankets in preparation for the great wash. Hell if I'll ever find what I need when I need it - this kid has more cotton products that I do.
Crampy. My last thing worth mentioning is the ever increasingly "blah" sensation that hits everyone in the end. Along with the aches, the tired, the "not caring"... you also become crampy. Obviously, this is nature's way of building up to full-blown active labor. But it sucks wondering if what I feel is "it" or leading up to "it". It sucks thinking I have cramps for an hour or two only for them to go away for another morning. It sucks thinking I may be experiencing this everyday for the next 2 weeks (and then some) before they actually organize into something progressive. I see more and more why pregnant woman just sit on the couch with their feet up in these final days.
I had a conversation with T last night (her baby is now officially 10 weeks old + 1 day) regarding the horribleness that is the final 2 weeks of pregnancy. I described my awkward flipping in bed and night and the midnight pees. I mentioned the aches and the air-headedness I've adapted recently. Sadly, she did recall it but also seemed like some of it was already slipping her mind (am I right, T?). I'm beginning to notice a just a hint of the "you forget it all in the end" that has begun to settle with her. Frankly, how can you remember all these details and nuances after actually having a baby complete with a NEW set of nuances and details to learn/explore. I think its funny that only a few short months from now - I, too, may have forgotton all these little things which seem to dominate my mind everyday. Maybe its good that I've kept a running log of all of this. Maybe others will gain comfort and knowledge in knowing what I experienced along the way (cause I'll have forgotten when you ask me). Maybe all these things are supposed to be forgotten in order to create a sibling years from now and if I remebered all these details - it would never happen. I guess I'll find out, right?

37 weeks + 1 day

Technically, I could go any day now.
Its funny how you really lock in on your due date like it will be Christmas morning. You'll awake to contractions and have a baby by the dinner hour. All of it organized and on schedule. And, the closer you get to that date, you also start thinking, "Wow, I could actually go even earlier! I'm at the END!"
Reality - I'll probably be late. But no one likes to think about this, *wink*.
Just a coupla things I'd like to take note of today - I feel CONSIDERABLY more sluggish today than I did one week ago. Its amazing how, near the end, each day that passes feels like an entire week. I move slow. I eat slow. My brain isn't firing on all cylindars. I wake up all night long. I pee moments after I just peed. And, I just feel like sitting and doing - NADA. Who IS this person? What happened to me? Am I still in here? Will I go back to the old me? Eh, I'm way to lazy to care about that right now (this is so not the real me. I'm a little worried but, again, don't want to exert any extra energy worrying about it).
My office had a lunch shower for me today and it was very sweet. Home made cupcakes (yellow cake + chocolate frosting, yum! I ate 2), gift table loaded with books, blankets, stuffed toys and other necessities, ...someone picked up my tab and we got out of work for 2 hours. Perfect!
Just 2 more work days until another weekend... my countdown begins.
Up this weekend:
Get fitted for and buy a nursing bra or two.
Get the car seat installed.
Go buy a glider rocker, changing table pad.
Do some baby laundry and clean up the baby room.
Get house key copy made for L to watch the dogs should I go into labor.
Baby shower thank you's for coworkers.
Balance the checkbook (laugh at the numbers).

Cord Blood Donations

Well, I'm pissed off after reading through this 13-page form for cord-blood donations. I have no interest for banking our baby's blood for our private use (banks start at, roughly, $1500 and then run $200 annually to keep in the bank). But I do have a very active interest in stem cell research and bone marrow transplants and finding solutions to growing organs, curing parkinson's and ending diabetes.
But, ALAS, in the list of requirements it states that I needed to fill out the form before 35 weeks of pregnancy. I am now, 37 weeks. Ack! Yes, yes, dear readers, I could still try and get this form in the mail ... right now!... but my doctor is out at the beach all week so he wouldn't be able to fill out his part in time either. The paperwork needs to be filled out that early so they have time to process and mail back the bag the doctor needs to fill. *sigh*, I'm just so frustrated and diappointed.
I still urge all of you pregos out there, who have no interest in saving your blood, to consider this amazing opportunity to help save lives after just having created one. This blood is simply thrown away if you choose to do nothing and it is such a waste of an invaluable gift. I don't mean to sound sappy on this subject, but damned, I feel like I could have aided vital research to help make many people's lives so much richer. I really do believe in this. And it doesn't hurt, cost you anything or ask anything additional of your time.
Here's the info: Cryobanks International is one of only two banks that accepts donations mailed in from anywhere. They started as a private cord blood bank, but their current business is primarily oriented towards accepting donations.

36 weeks (+ photo!)

You know you are big when you don't hold your shirt up so much as constantly pull it down!
I went to the doctor today, the first offical internal exam... and it was horrible! Now, I had been prepped that it would be "uncomfortable" and maybe even "painful." I can't remember where, but I think I even heard about the doctor using his "ENTIRE HAND." And yet, I still wasn't prepared for how truly awful this experience turned out to be. Ladies, if you haven't been pregnant yet, take note - prepare to get a throat culture via your cervix during this exam. In fact, my doctor joked about reaching for my tonsils just to lighten the air. I appreciated the joke as I tried to not bite through my lower lip. Yikes!
After all that? No effacement and only 1cm dialated. It really, means nothing. But it would have been rewarding if he felt her head or pulled out a gold coin.
What he did confirm at this appointment, is her position. She's still breech. And, based on the way she kicks my thighs when I fold her in half (ie - when I lean forward), I think she's in the complete breech position. And, like this site says about what to expect at 36 weeks: "Most likely she's in a head-down position by now, which is optimal for a smooth delivery, but if she isn't in the next week, your provider may suggest scheduling an "external cephalic version," which is a fancy way of saying she'll try to coax your baby into a head-down position manually, by manipulating her from the outside of your belly. The two main problems with citing that paragraph is that it makes ECV sound universally accepted and easy. Its actually complicated, painful, only 58% successful and doesn't at all cite the very extreme risk of the baby getting the cord wrapped around its neck. I already asked my doctor about this - and he doesn't perform it for the reasons I just stated.
So, now I'm freaked out that she won't flip and that I'll need a C-Section.
I hung out online a bit today to find some of the following suggestions on getting her to flip. Motivational tactics include:
Shining a flashlight on your lower belly so she dives for it. Having Rob call to her through, yes really, my who-ha (apparently she'll flip toward his voice). Prop up an ironing board (against a sofa) at a 45-degree angle and lie on it upside down. And, think positive thoughts and imagine her flipping.
I actually performed the following today after work: the ironing board (dear Gawd, my aching back - this was stupid but, hey, so is not trying), the ice packs and Rob spoke to her brifly through my lower belly.
Well, she did turn. She hated the ice and squirmed away. She actually feels more like a transverse position right now. I feel toes on the side of my belly and it has remained there, so far, all night. I'm afraid to force the issue anymore (I don't want to scare her or piss her off) so we'll see what happens during the night tonight.
I return to the doctor at 38 weeks (he's at the beach next week) so I figure I have 13 days to get this kid flipped. Technically, she could flip after 38 weeks, and I cannot cite the stats here, but the odds are pretty slim.
I did find out that I am at 28 lbs at this visit. I'm gaining weight at a pretty steady pace (phew!). I feel like celebrating... although I did have a 2 cupcake dessert last night and half a rich milk chocolate bar tonight. This is still a marathon, I must keep the candy celebration slow & steady...

There Will Be No Leaking!

So, I'm beginning to prepare the husband by showing him books & magazine articles. I'm preparing the dogs by putting an end to the jumping and the barking for no reason. I'm preparing the house by moving around furniture and prepping the baby's room. Now, I'm finally preparing myself by purchasing every leak guard out there. (Well, one of the box of nursing pads was purchased by me and the others were shower gifts).
After hearing water breaking stories (like T who bought "underpads" for the her bed, which, she not only used in bed but in the car ride over to the hospital), I thought it wise to have something on hand...just in case. And, just in case, I got some maxi pads, too (I just couldn't go as far as actually buying Depends under garments). Plus, from what I have learned - I'll need them.
So, now its official - I am leak proofed. How humbling pregnancy can make you.

Natalie's Revenge

Natalie, one of my best friends, certainly the oldest at 20+/- years, simply cannot understand why our daughter will not be named after her. So, now we get to explain it to EVERYONE when she wears this romper someday soon...

Shower-palooza

OK, lame & un-creative title to this week's entry, but seriously, it was UNREAL the amount of people who showed up to shower future baby Ullman with TONS of amazing gifts. I really am, for maybe the 3rd time in my life, at a loss for words to fully describe the outpouring we received this past weekend. No sarcasm, really!
20 people + 3 babies were present at the shower... it was, needless to say, a very full house. Kelly, as always, had prepared exotic snackies and desserts that I would never see anywhere else (and all were delish!). Alycia came up with a team-based assignment to create a onesie for the baby... complete with hand-out sachets filled with paints, markers and blank canvases. In the end, all were given a very cute pink, onesie-shaped cookie with a very sweet quote or well-wishes sentiment attached. (alycia, you need to explore event-planning at some stage of your life). And, thanks to Lisa for demonstrating her secretarial skills by taking detailed notes of all the gifts I received (complete with sassy commentary through-out, no less), perfect!
I, personally, thought the whole shower sailed by. It started at 2PM and, after multiple trips to my mother's car carrying loads of giftbags, we headed out by 5:30PM.

As you can see from the posted photo, we have a very full baby room now. Rob and I actually spent a few hours, after I took this photo, going through all of it. We pulled out the bags of hand-me-downs and sorted things into age-based categories. We pulled items out of the closet (yes, its stacked with gifts from the Ohio shower) and sorted through what may have been duplicated at this shower. We pulled tags off of the new clothes (and squeled at the silly bikini, sweet dresses, tiny pants and the very cool onesies. It was fun - Rob seemed to delight in all of it, which, I found shocking - but I became overwhelmed at the sheer mass of it all. Its funny, Rob and I have officially switched personalities. Completely.
We sorted out all the cards and arranged all the receipts. We pulled out the duplicates (4 packs of the same receiving blanket set, ha!) and stuck receipts on them to go back. Turns out, we still don't have all the receipts we need for things... or I have somehow mixed things up. People - take heed at this warning - if you ever buy a gift for anyone ever again, get a gift receipt... stores are becoming the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld when it comes to returns. Turns out, even Target will only allow me to return 2 items per year with no receipt - that's crazy! And, with the sheer insanity of all my gal-pals buying us so much stuff, we will end up having items that may either never get used or will need to be passed to someone else, tags & all.
For the most part, we do not have THAT many things that are creating a bit of a foul-up in the return department, but, its still worth shouting out to everyone that reads this... get the receipt! :-)
Kelly and Alycia flanking the pregnant girl during the backyard cook-out
And, last, but not least - again with the commentary on my feet. Because I went straight to the grocery store Friday (after-work) and then immediately spending all night baking cupcakes, making pasta salad, pre-fabricating burger patties, cutting watermelon and cutting up veggies all to be eaten Saturday night.... I caused temporary damage to my wee toes and ankles which was very apparent the next morning. My feet, really did look like freshly baked biscuits and it was embarrassing. They actually seemed to get worse throughout the baby shower and into the evening. I have included a photo for everyone's indulgence 'cause as horrifying as this photo is to me, its also worth a snicker (or 12). I have learned, if you can't laugh at yourself... then pregnancy is NOT that state-of-being for you. *Sidenote, I am happy to report that the swelling has subsided today, Sunday, after many glasses of fluid and staying off my feet. *wink*

Knocked Up

Well, despite my reluctancy to go see "Knocked Up," we went to the matinee this afternoon. I knew it would be funny & completely entertaining... I just also knew at the end she'd HAVE the baby and I'd leave the theater still pregnant. I'm at the stage of pregnancy where I'm a green-eyed monster to those who are further along then me. Well, I've actually been a bit jealous of those closer to the finish line for awhile now, this isn't all that new. Its just getting worse as I'm feeling a little isolated watching gal-pals and fellow prenatal yogi classmates become actual moms while I'm... still... pregnant.
I'll get over it.
Moving on...
I attended S + P's wedding last night. I thought that day would never come so this is a good sign that time is still moving forward despite my finding it to be moving slower. I wore a co-workers hand-me-down empire waisted dress and felt comfortable albeit a little matronly. I wore white sandals for a whole 25 minutes before having to nearly surgically remove them from my feet (my feet which, like roots of very old tree, have begun to grow around anything too tight). I then spent the next few hours in comfy flip-flops while scouting out chairs to occupy. We dined on bar-b-que sandwiches and waited for somebody to accidentally slip into the pool (it was outdoors and in a backyard). By 9:30PM - I was done. I'm so old. Maybe I'm just lazy. Maybe... its the pregnancy... but its frustrating what a lame-duck I've become. Thank God Rob hasn't hassled me on this factor and has instead chosen to be entirely supportive. I'd feel like a total loser if he wasn't constantly building me back up again after I lament about not feeling well, being sleepy or unable to stand up from a seated position. All pregos should be so lucky.
I crashed out around midnight and awoke at 1:45AM to go pee. After slipping, well flopping, into bed again... the contents of my stomach settled up into my esophagus and into the very back of my throat. I bolted upright. The shut-off valve to my stomach has officially ceased working and this sensation SUCKS. I drank a billion tiny sips of water to rid my mouth of the burning sensation only to find I was stuck with the taste and now I'll need to pee hourly all night long.
I moved to the couch - I had to sleep sitting up after that episode. I did crash out and later woke up around 5:30AM to get back into bed with Rob (who never even noticed my absence, which, is surprising since he tells me I snore like a freight-train these days). We slept in a bit before joining friends for b'fast at Panara Bread Co.
As a result of my night last night, I am foggy today and left feeling a little *blah*. I wonder if this is just the beginning of many more uncomfortable nights ahead of me. I'm also wondering if, like everything else, I'll adjust and eventually be OK with the fact that I now can only really sleep on my one side, can hardly roll out-of-bed to go pee every 2 hours... oh, and now I have acid reflux. Dare I ask? What's next?

Tears, sweat and pee

That's what the L&D (labor and delivery) hall smells like. It smells like a men's locker room. I'm hit in the face with the reminder that !CAUTION! THERE'S WORK UP AHEAD!
Rob and I toured the hospital last night. One hour is all it takes (which, is quick and yet didn't go by as fast as I thought it would) to realize, *gulp*, this pregnancy road trip does end. And..., it doesn't end with one big party, we then all go home and sleep in the following morning. It ends with a wild, new beginning!
I had all these questions. Does the hospital donate cord blood? Is there an anesthesiologist on duty 24hrs?
My mind went blank.
All I remember is an ER door in which we walk through to the elevator and then... I'm not too sure. We walked into this hall (I don't remember a check-in desk, where the hell do we check-in?) that leads to L&D. I distinctly heard "no cell phones" and I heard "sports channel" (No, Rob. Don't even THINK it). I saw what appeared to be FLOOD LIGHTS in the ceiling aimed right for your crotch and I remember a rolling potty seat in the room (which, made no sense to me since it was resting next to the toilet. Why is this in the room? Will I be going potty in a roll-a-round seat in the middle of the room?!.).
Enough of that wing.
The post-partum rooms are very nice (Rob fears we'll be short-changed and they'll be overbooked leaving us in the room with no bed for him, or worse still, we'd get the storage room).
And the babies. Oh! The babies. Man, they were all cute. Usually newborns are kinda creepy looking. But the hospital had a very nice, ripe patch last night. They were all bundled tight with fat red cheeks. They looked like little eskimos, really.
The 8 pounder (well, 8 lb 10oz) girl freaked me out slightly - she was huge. I can't do that. I eyeballed the 7lb 6oz boy That size baby looked much more doable. Ah, yes. It is decided then. I will have a small, evenly proportioned (and healthy!) 7.5lb baby. Well, that wasn't so bad a tour afterall.

Cankles

Well, they've begun. I noticed my toes were a little puffy EOD on Wednesday. By Thursday night, my feet looked puffy. Friday night everything was swollen and on Saturday night, my inside ankle seemed to bid adieu.
*sigh*.
I knew this day would come. But, I think, in the back-of-my-mind, it wouldn't afflict me. I haven't exactly been living in pregnancy-denial, but, some parts of it I have been. They just don't show moms-to-be with flat lifeless hair, arched backs, puffy eyes and swollen feet. They don't exist in the marketing world so somehow I thought not all people endured this. I was wrong - they do!

I've also begun to slow... down...... alot. Two weeks ago I felt a bit sluggish and uneager. I couldn't concentrate on any one activity nor could I get anything accomplished. This past week was a bit more focused and yet one activity, like watering the plants on the front porch, was enough to call it a day. How the hell am I going to be next week? Will waking and breathing be my two major accomplishments? And, what the hell will I do when I'm pregnant again with a toddler running about? How does anyone do that?!.

Last, but not least, on my thought-streaming, Rob assembled the bookshelf. I plan to fill it with books and stuffed animals.The top will be covered with pillows (for seating!) but this is what we had on hand for the photoshoot. Also, the rug is in place (Yes, there are boxes everywhere and the room is not at all put together. This will all be remedied day-by-day in the next coming weeks, hopefully). I still would like to hang curtains, too (yes, we will removing the "Danger! Hazardous cord! Child will choke!" warning tags before baby gets here and fears that she is in the hands of careless parents). The crib should arrive next week and the changing table will be assembled (we are just putting a pad atop the dresser shown in the photo).


I've already begun buying diapers. I think I'm preparing for not wanting to leave the house... EVER... throughout the month of July. I'm building my own little fall-out shelter in the house (I even bought a 10-roll pack of toilet paper and enough dog treats to last till Christmas just so none of us will feel the need for something that isn't already here). I still need more, more, more! But, I also can't do all that much *read the aforementioned slow down I've encountered lately.

Thirty-three and a half weeks

Went to the doctor this am. As he walked in to shake my hand, "Wow! 33 1/2 weeks already - you are sailing by! Can you imagine, in 6 1/2 weeks you'll be a mother?"
Ack! No. Not really.
The time, although slow at some points and quick in others, does seem to have sailed by at this point. Now, if we look back on where I was just a few weekends before conception (we were in DC for an overnight at my friend's house and a show at Crafty Bastards)... seems like ages ago! That weekend was October 1st. October - just starting to get chilly with a few nice sunny, fall days. The month you start thinking about pumpkins and Halloween. The time of year that you realize the holidays are around the corner and the Steelers still have a chance at a decent season. (*wink*, that one was for you, Rob)
Now its spring. Hell, this weekend - it will be summer already (near 90's they say).
Someone said to Rob that it seems like all this is going by fast. He responded, "I can't remember when she wasn't pregnant." Thanks alot (as I can only picture myself as I am today... teeter-toddling with a big round belly)! I'm not sure how to take that comment.
Your persepective (from inside the body of a pregnant women) is slightly skewed. All of it is. From how large you are (my vision of myself is much smaller than not only my own reflection but smaller than others equally as pregnant), to how moody you've become, to much you've changed in terms of future-parenting ideals. I don't think I'm different, but, deep down, I am fully aware that it is all denial.
Its true. I'm huge. (yes, yes, maybe not "fat huge" - I did only gain 1lb since that last doctor's visit. I am only 26lbs more than I was pre-pregnancy, which is fantastic! But, this belly is huge, people!). I am now bumping into things with my incredibly sensitive belly and tshirts make my belly-button sore. I huff when I do things too fast and I grunt when I roll in bed at night. I also... no longer bend for anything unless absolutely necessary.
I'm also moodier. Well, I've always been bit of a crank due to my high-strung nature... but now I have become more sensitive to things and I find myself taking things personally.
I have begun looking at things from the eyes of a parent. I didn't want to buy doors for the baby's bookshelf in case her fingers got smashed... since when do I think about these types of things? I've also begun thinking about buying organic fruits/veggies and making my own baby food when we get there. I worry that the mattress won't have time to air out before she gets here and that the varnish on the new crib will smell too strong. I hope all this is good worry and not high-strung neurosis from which I'll never return. I don't plan on panicking, but hell, with all the changes that have happened in recent months, that could be just around the corner, too!
But in any case. Six and a half weeks and this will all end... and being a mom begins. I just hope I'm ready.

Boob Juice 101

OK, so the class is actually called "Breast Feeding Basics" but my immature, internal 8-yr-old wants to call it 'Boob Juice class'. And really, can't we all have fun in the fact that we are now moms turned cow? The whole thing is handled much more appropriately with a slight giggle. Or, at least that's how I deal with things of this nature.
Class was last night. Rob flat-out refused to attend the class for couples so I attended the 'women only' class. I wasn't the only one there with a reluctant husband. Ultimately, it was probably for the best that he did not attend otherwise my supressed fits of laughter would have come out after watching the brief video of some gorgeous, albeit air-headed, mom of seven (7) who's mission was to get the world to breastfeed.
The instructor, who looked EXACTLY like a lunch lady we had in high school, was very excited and energetic about breasts. She knew a lot - which was fantastic. But she also knew so much, I could have gone my whole life not knowing some details about the human boob.
At one point, the instructor actually made me hold a beanie-baby boobie up to my cheast and simulate breastfeeding a plastic doll. She then shoved my fake titty into the baby's mouth and made fishlips showing me how she will suck. I. DIED. I laughed and turned red while letting the baby droop. She looked at me like she didn't get it and I just had to tell her, "I'm sorry, you're going to have to bear with me while I breastfeed an inanimate object in front of 10 total strangers!"
Fortnuately, the chick next to me also laughed but there were a large number of serious ones in there, too.
Maybe I'm just not cut out for motherhood if I can't be serious.
Maybe I am just right for it.

Thank God.

In a Discover Magazine article:

Pain. Natural redheads have a higher pain threshold than others, says geneticist Jeffrey Mogil of McGill University’s pain laboratory. Men and women with naturally red hair can withstand 25 percent more electric shock than non-redheads. And painkillers used in childbirth work three times better on red-haired women than on others. Mogil and his team found that the mutant gene that causes red hair, melanocortin-1 (MC1R), also affects how redheads (including mice) react to pain. Now geneticist Ian Jackson of the United Kingdom Medical Research Council plans to study redheads in the hope of developing new painkillers.

Altho, I wonder about the testing of electric shock threshold....

32 Weeks and counting...

And, expanding! I cannot believe this is my belly. I feel large, I mean, I am much slower these days what with all the difficulty in standing from a seated position, having to forcifully flop my body from side-to-side at night, and the huffing after walking short distances. This must be the "glowing" part of pregnancy you hear about.
Its funny, but when I look down on myself, I think I look 4-5 months pregnant. I see my belly, yes, but I think natue has a way of providing you with an awesome rack designed to distract you from the enormity just below. My boobs fill up the bottom part of my vision so as not to allow me to freak-out at the largeness looming underneath them. But, when I see photos or pass by a full-length mirror (in which, I always lift my shirt - how can one resist seeing that its your skin this big and not just a sloppy shirt?)... wow. Time has flown, when did THIS happen? All the conversations I had with my fellow pre-natal yoga classmates rush to mind, "Look at her stomach! I'm not getting THAT big!" Right.

In other news, we still haven't gotten my sister-in-law's hand-me-down crib yet. Turns out it was delayed from a road being shut-down last week (major accident) and then it was delayed because it had THE WRONG ZIP CODE. *sigh*
It should be here soon, tho, I am told. I plan to purchase the mattress today so it has time to air out before baby's arrival. I'm beginning to wonder why I care so much. Some people have reacted to my wanting to air-out a new mattress for 2 months like I am some sort of high-strung freak. I can tell what motherhood is going to really mean—the stage of life in which you defend ALL your actions and choices because, inevitably, someone thinks your ideas are cuckoo, over-the-top or just plain stupid. Well, I read about airing out the mattress in some book that also discussed SIDS in the same chapter. And, after being pregnant for 9 months, I'm not going to get sloppy now and risk baby's health because the mattress smelled of polyfoam fumes. So, there!

We took infant CPR last week and next week is "Breastfeeding Basics" - have I written about all this before? Its just so crazy to think about taking classes and all these loose ends that suddenly need tying together in these last few months. My mind swims with all the extra-curricular activities I have signed us up for. For instance, we are meeting with a life insurance guy tomorrow and another next week, cause I read if you wait till AFTER baby (and you end up suffering from postpartum depression) your rates soar. Insurance companies consider you a suicide risk then. And, since I am naturally crazy and stand a great chance of having PPD, I figured I'd get on the ball and lock in a lower rate. Sick? Maybe. I prefer to think of it as a "savvy and thrifty" move myself.

Adjusting

Decorating a nursery is NOT,... I repeat,... NOT fun. Planning a wedding was not fun either but it had its highlights - picking out colors/styles, tasting samples, registering for all the fun stuff you’d never buy yourself, etc. Organizing a new home had its highlights,too - painting the walls a color that would kill your mother (orange living room anyone?), buying furniture you like & not worrying about your roommate destroying it in a drunken college party, and knowing that every upgrade you do will return to you when you sell it (provided you have good taste, like myself, of course).
Baby’s room. No fun. Well, I guess that statement's not entirely true, but this weekend certainly blew.
This weekend, in general, blew.
We cleared out the guest bed and delivered the headboard/footboard frame to our friend G. We tossed the mattresses (no sense keeping those in a wet basement hoping they don’t get ruined before baby needs it). We then moved (I say “we” but I really did nothing at all in my current state. Thanks, K, for helping Rob!) the lead-filled bookcase to the living room. After a small debate regarding its location - it was locked in place facing the front door. It looks good, actually.
But, like ALL moves, you then discover the heaping piles of CRAP you managed to squirrel away in every nook & cranny. The crap you never use, hardly look at, forgot you had and yet... can’t... part... with. *sigh*
We pulled out the remaining junk and baby gifts. We piled stuff everywhere. 6 spare pillows, 9 blankets, college artwork, posters, books, bags & bags of hand-me-down baby clothes, stroller, diaper pails. I - f*cking - lost - it. There is so much crap, I’m immobile. Where does this stuff go? Why do we need this? Do I want this? Can I put this in the attic? There’s too much crap in the attic already. Can I put all my pre-pregnancy clothes in the basement? Will they ever fit again? I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw myself on the bed like a teenager in a hissy-fit. I didn’t. I bitched at Rob instead. He, in turn, took his hissy-fit outside. This isn’t fun, this is miserable.
I vacuumed the floors and hand scrubbed them with Murphy's soap. I panted and about wore myself out, too. All I could think about was how dirty the rest of the house was. I felt overwhelmed.
Rob helped me assemble the new rug (we ordered swatches from FLOR. The rug is brown, cream, lime green and fuchsia squares). He quickly realized I couldn't even do it. I flopped pieces all over the floor. He took over and finished the job. It looked great. It looked like there was still so much more to do. It looked like the colorful kids' room I never had (my rooms were always little lady prints like "Laura Ashley"). It looked daunting - what the hell have we gotten ourselves into? It looked so empty - we still need so much more stuff... where will the money come from. It looked unorganized - where are ALL these clothes and linens going to fit? It looked... like the room I had been hiding behind a closed door - and it was now open. And with it, a new reality that is sinking in in fits and spurts. We have to make room for this baby in our house, in our lives, in our finances,... this is more than one adjustment.
I'm not feeling confident about the road that lies ahead. I feel a little lost and lonely. Scared, really.

*Ah-choo!*

So, at work tonight ...well, this is embarrassing... I was on my way to the potty (one cup of water doesn't stay with me very long these days) when I sneezed. You can fill in the gaps to complete the story.
It wasn't a trainwreck, just a little... *drop*... and that was enough to leave me shocked that I have reached this point in my pregnancy. I two-stepped it to the potty and all was right with the world.
What's next?

Ever-Expanding Vocabulary

There are some words you know before having a baby:
• Uterus
• Cervix
• Lactation
• First, Second and Third Trimesters

Then there are some words you THOUGHT you knew what they meant (turns out, your understanding is limited at best):
• fully Dialated
• Mucus Plug
• Breech (there's 5 kinds of breech. And this isn't even including the many forms of Presentation)
• Presentation
• Full Panel verses Roll Panel... and Low Rise verses Real Waist maternity pants
• Placenta (this mo-fo weighs 1.5lbs and gets huge! Its not pretty either)
• Fetus (did you know its not a fetus till you are 8 weeks pregnant? Before that, its an embryo)

Then there are the words that make no sense unless you are a pregnant (or, formerly pregnant) woman:
• Fundal height
• fully Effaced
• a "bloody show"
• Collastrum
• Placenta Previa

31 weeks (give or take)

Went to the doctor this AM and I am just shy of 31 weeks (I think I officially hit it tomorrow. So I'm what, 30 weeks +6 days? Whatever). I actually am still measuring larger - at 33 weeks. The doc thinks it will "plateau" and that I'm just going through a growth spurt (well, baby is, actually) but I'm beginning to worry that I will be having a 10lb baby. Upon saying this to the doctor, he added, "I believe in letting your body take control. I don't like to induce unless we really have to, in the case of a rising blood pressure."
Um, oh great! So, baby is still in breech position and possibly huge. You mean to tell me... I could have a C-Section? Agh!?
Now, all women face the possibility of a C-Section... anything can go wrong at any moment. You are told to keep an open mind from the very beginning.
I'm not open-minded on this. I really don't want one. Many woman do (afterall, who wants to pee everytime they cough for the rest of their lives?) love 'em. I, for one, have watched too many maternity shows where they show the woman strapped to a table... shivering (the drugs make you cold)... being shaken all around as they pull the baby out. Feel nothing my ass! I've felt every cavity being filled and I can just imagine what having THAT done feels like. And to top it all off, you can't even hold the baby afterward, so sad!
*sigh*
But enough of my theorizing. I'll just go home tonight and lay on an ironing board while eating fat-free rice cakes.
Oh, and I currently weigh 25lbs more than I did before I took the pregnancy test oh so many months ago. Wow. I've gained 25lbs - phew! And I have 9 weeks (well, 9 weeks +1 day) to go still!). At my average of 1.25lbs a day... I'll be 36.25lbs when all's said and done! That is, if I keep this pace up. Of course, does that factor in the 10lb baby?!.
;-)

Gift I Hafta Have... someday...

I saw this on Mighty Girls' Blog. I must remember this 6, 7 or 8 years from now:
artwork pin

Hot.

I've been wearing tank tops, skirts and sandals to work this week. I figured I'd wear this stuff now before the air conditioning really kicks in at work and I'm freezing. Then, I'll bust out the short-sleeved tops and pants again. Turns out... the air IS on full blast. People have been coming to my cube in sweaters, pants and, yes, even jackets claiming it's, "freezing in here!"
What the hell am I going to do now? This is insane.
I spent the past weekend killing myself. As you can see, I didn't quite complete that task either.
Saturday I went to the Three Acres School yard sale (happens twice a year). Some bargains and 2.5 hours later, L and I relaxed and caught up on family news. We then decided to take the conversation to a place that served food while we talked. Dots Back Inn. Home by 2:30PM and ready for a nap. But, oh no! I can't take a nap! So, I put on my shorts and raked the yard... why not? I'm only a lollipop that's supposed to be taking it easy. So I later did, I sat on my ass... in the car. I went to D&C's to borrow some tools, Sears for a lawn mower (ours died) and Ukrop's for dinner items.
Sunday was worse. Well, successful (we accomplished lots!) but not at all "relaxing" like a Sunday should be. We woke up and walked K&E's dog, went to Lowe's for more supplies (Rob's working on the brick patio! Yippee!), I potted purple flowers in my new pots, and I later scrubbed the entire back porch with a sponge and a bucket of Murphey's soapy water (Why the hell not? Mold & dirt came back after 3 years of neglect and I'm PREGNANT so why not get on a ladder and hand scrub the entire interior wood trim work? I'm an absolute idiot. And now, an idiot with a back ache from hell.)
I think I'm reaching the point of realizing my days are numbered. More importantly, the weekends are numbered. If I rattle off the various activities that await me these last few months, from baby showers to a bridal shower to visiting my folks one last time in Greensboro, the already numbered weekends get even fewer. *Gulp*. And maybe I'm still not quite yet realizing the time crunch.Maybe, instead, I'm trying to still plan ahead for when it does hit me. The inevitable, "Oh my God! We're having a baby in month!" Cause, the reality is, I'm NOT going to want to be physical, in any way shape or form, that last month. I'm not going to want to be moving book shelves, rearranging furniture, setting up a crib and hand mopping the nursery floor... so I gotta start doing that now. And hell, I don't want to do any of that now so I better avoid it by going out on the back porch and scrubbing mold cause that's way more important on my shit-list of things to have done before baby.
Its a rat race in my head these days.
I've noticed that in my pregnancy books it recommends not crossing your legs to keep your feet from swelling. But what the hell do you do when you are wearing a skirt or dress? Show the world this is how I got into the mess to bgein with? By not sitting ladylike? In any case, I'm noticing more and more how difficult it is to even try and cross my legs when sitting. It's like cinching up a bag of water... the cinch just wants to untwist and let it all hang out. My belly and baby hate being tightened up a bit more. I'm looking less and less sophisticated these days.
I've also been watching Evie move. I can sit here and watch my stomach blurb outward to the side as she flops over to get into a more comfortable spot. Its wierd. At first I thought it was wild and cool. Now it kinda creeps me out. There's a freaking human in there!!! Oh my God people, what they hell was I thinking getting pregnant? This fun little biology experiment is REAL. There really is a human... a person... in...my...body. JC, this is blowing my mind. Its kind of scaring me a bit, too. Its only getting bigger and there's only one exit.
I walk into things with my belly now, too. I bump counters, sinktops and doors. Everytime I leave the company restroom, there's a big water spot on my shirt where my belly flopped onto the sink counter. Its fantastic. I can see where I'm quickly exiting the "Oh-you're-so-cute-with-your-belly" stage and entering that not-at-all glorious "Holy Shit You're Pregnant! Get out of the WAY!" pregnancy stage. *Sigh* Next stop, ...cankles and hemmeroids. Great.

Creepy

Oh, the magical world of Flash and finding freebie Flash programming online.
See the new "Countdown to baby" animation on the right?
What will happen to me once all my freetime is gone after baby is here? Oh what will I do with myself?

28 weeks & on a sugar high

I'll post an overall shot of me later tonight***... I didn't have Rob take one this morning cause I forgot and because I forget EVERYTHING these days.
Today was the glucose test at the doctors. Suck down on orange drink and feel that baby SQUIRM! That drink tasted like an 8-year-old made a batch of kool-aid with 4 Cups of sugar instead of the suggested 2 Cups. Who-wee! And it still wasn't enough to make me peppy after a long night of insomnia last night. I hope it was due to the crazy wind & weather outside and not just another fun sign of pregnancy!
Speaking of fun signs of pregnancy, this weekly read can just go to hell. Who thought they were so damned cutsey as to write this?: Welcome to the third trimester ~ the period of leg cramps, hemorrhoids, varicose veins, itchy skin, aches and pains, swelling, heartburn, indigestion and . . . your baby's arrival!
It might be true but you don't have to tell me all this while grinning (can't you read her grin underlaying all of this?).
BTW - my fundal height is 30 (what the heck does this mean? I have no idea... its a belly measurement but I dunno if this means baby is big or small). And my weight gain *gulp* is 21lbs so far! Agh! I put on 5.5lbs in just over 4 weeks. OK, so maybe this is a normal steady pace but c'mon people! Its still alot on the human body! I know I'm pregnant but seeing the numbers climb like this still makes my head spin... its unreal. At this rate, with gaining an average of 1lb a week, I should be about 33-36lbs when baby gets here. That's in the completely normal range. Which, is very good. Its still just crazy to think there's a BABY IN HERE!
***I'm adding a photo. I was reluctant to post this one showing my face cause I look like a forced happy. I used to be so good at photos, now they are all so bad, ugh. I was legitimately smiling... or so I thought. I am happy, I swear!

Another prego lost to motherhood

T had her baby yesterday. A bouncing baby boy just over 8lbs. And man, is he ever cute to stare at and hold! I can see now how parents forget to eat, shower and communicate with the outside world. I just wanted to stare at him like a hummingbird with a mirrored gazing ball. If he's sleeping, you stare at his soft neck going up and down with his whistling breathes. If he jolts, you want to wrap him up tight and pat him. If he yawns, you yawn back while whispering goofy things like, "awww!"
Damned, I want one... and at the same time... I am NOT AT ALL READY!
What the heck was I thinking?!.
I loved holding him. It was so magical and awe-inspiring. Its like going for a ride in your friend's new expensive car and you think, "What a f%*king amazing ride this is. And that new car smell - I love it! I would love to have this. But man, they are screwed with making payments now. Dumb-asses! Let them have their fancy car, we'll just make them drive all the time so we can enjoy it without the payments & stress of getting a ding. Suckers!"
I'm..... a baby sucker! I feel for it! Ack! Once you roll that baby out of the hospital, you lose a couple thousand dollars and commited yourself to months & months of payments! *gulp*
Its not even the money part that bothers me... its the work! Phew! I don't know the first thing about a newborn. I know they eat all the time and sleep all the time and yet somehow YOU never sleep or eat during any of that time.
I'm going to drop ours. Or forget to feed it. Or cry along with it. Or forget to change it and it will get some horribly painful diaper rash. Or I'll leave it somewhere... like in the grocery cart while I'm down 4 aisles picking out something. Or I'll put it to sleep all wrong. Oh my Gawd! We are HAVING A HUMAN! How the hell can this type of behavior (creating human life) NOT be monitored by someone? How can just anyone do such a hugely responsible task as making and raising a baby?!.

Week 27 - Third Trimester

Well, its official... I'm in my third trimester.
What does this mean? Well, baby now weighs about 2 lbs (what mom now weighs is a whole other story). She will also now be measured in full length (not just crown to rump), so she's around 14.4" inches long. She can now open her eyes (yes, underwater!) and does everything most babies do - suck their thumb, swallow, sleep, play and yes, even cry.
Its crazy. She's just about "done" aside from putting on weight (yikes!).
Now is when both her and I, begin to truly pack on the pounds. I should start putting on, roughly, 1 pound a week. Yikes! All my women co-workers are in Weight Watchers and they are all averaging 1 pound a week, too... its sounds like an agressive amount either direction you go on the scale.
In other news, T is due this Friday and I'm anxious as hell. Waiting for her date has been... long - I can only imagine how she feels. :)

Belly Claustrophobia

I'll be 27 weeks this Tuesday - that's the beginning of the third trimester. That's 6 months prego to those of you who need this translated further into Laymen's Terms.
"As you continue your pregnancy week by week from about 26 weeks pregnant on you might start to become less comfortable."
I'm beginning to feel claustrophobic in my own skin.
I'm feeling large (bending and reaching are becoming more limited in range)... and I know its only going to get far more restrictive.
This, terrifies me.
I tried to explain this to Rob as best I could. Its like being in an already too small room and the walls are slowing closing in on you. You know that you won't get crushed, just very tight with limited space. You also know if you are uncomfortable now... its going to get a lot worse so relax and ride the ride the best you can. Does this make any sense?
I guess what's really got me scared is that I can't do a damned thing about it. Typically, if you are in an uncomfortable position, you can move or make changes to get out of it. In this case, I'm stuck just getting more large and limited in the things I can do comfortably. I get a little anxious at the thought of how much "worse" things are going to get. I feel like my time to do things (to still have a wide range of motion) is limited. I get scared just thinking about how much MORE scary its going to get. What if I wake up one day, a month from now, and just cry over the fact that I can't breathe? It makes me hyperventilate a little at the thought. Which, means I'm probably raising my blood pressure just over all this anxiety, which, is not at all good.
I need to relax, but how?

Wise cracks and hormone buzzes

Walking to the car after work yesterday, I discussed the ins and outs of pregnancy with a male coworker/friend. His wife is about almost exactly one trimester behind me. Its nice to know that I'm not the last one to deliver (unlike my yoga group which will all be gone & done with their pregnancies in June. It sucks being last).
We started joking about getting fat, cankles, and acne. Of course, I started bopping and scatting (as Rob refers to it) and felt like I was on stage with a microphone. I began to take the conversation to levels of the extreme - What will he do if my water breaks at work? What if I look like I sucked on an air-hose in the end? Will I be fat and sweaty.
Two more coworkers came out to join us - another male (with 2 kids under the age of 4) and one female (with a kid who will be 2 this summer). I went on...
Me, "What if my water breaks at work? Do I run [I begin running with my legs open wide] to the bathroom leaving a trail behind me?"
Female co-worker, "No! It happens slow, so sit still."
"So, you're going to wheel me to the elevator and press '1'... just send me down for someone else to deal with? Or will you have the decency to call me an abulance?"
Male co-worker, "We'll hand you the elevator phone - you can call them."
Me, "Oh, I can just see the looks on people's faces on the floors below when the doors open. 'Uh, I'll get the next one...'"
Me, "I hope those chairs are super absorbant. Who cleans these things up? Is there a janitor crew that throws down sawdust or what?"
Male co-worker [immitating the late night clean-up crew throwing down sawdust and sweeping], "That's the 3rd one this week!"
I thought I would pee my pants. The humor in all this is abundant these days. I kind of like the fact that I'm taking so much of this in stride... this great big human experiment I am currently involved in. Its all so out-of-control and you're at the mercy of nature doing whatever it wants. You have to laugh, you have to be open to all kinds of thoughts & comments. I feel almost like a little kid when I think about what is going on inside - I'm fascinated, curious and come up with the most absurd thoughts. I do not think this is unique to just me, especially given the fact that T is looking into getting an incontinence pad for her bed just in case her water breaks in the middle of the night. You don't want to ruin the mattress! We giggled at the thought of this. I then told her I was not interested in borrowing that hand-me-down. More giggles followed.
I'm rather enjoying this pregnancy induced "beer buzz." The intoxication of prego hormones is a pretty nice energy high that I've enjoyed these last 6 months. I always thought women got emotional (crying), exhausted (depressed), grumpy, bull-headed and overall difficult to live with. However, for me (forever the opposite of mainstream society when it comes to my emotional state), this has all been... blissful.
I'm actually sad at the thought of returning to the way I used to be.

You know you are pregnant when....

... you feverishly open a Tootsie Roll, anxious for the fake chocolate rush, only to have it plop onto your dirty office floor and roll a few times. You know they never vacuum and that you've spent the last week with your bare feet on the floor. You hesitate only for a second (not because you second guess what you are about to do but rather checking to see if anyone will see you) as you grunt to bend over and reach the deliciousness that awaits you. Emphasis on *grunt* because bending is becoming a luxury and less of an easily achieved range of mobility.
*sigh*
It was tasty.

Hands Free

Rob and I met at Chipotle for lunch today. I decided to go ahead and order while I wait for him to arrive. I got in line. The line was long and a ltitle slow so there was ample time to shuffle and look around. I crossed my arms. I then realized, the days of crossing my arms spacing out... are numbered. I started thinking about how my mom used to carry all my stuff... and then my pockets did... and then I got a purse (or a backpack)... and now I have a messenger bag + purse + lunch sack. Soon, I'll have a baby in a car seat + diaper bag + purse + whatever else I might need. I better live it up and enjoy my shoulder nakedness while it lasts.

Baby Shower

My SIL, Nicole, just threw a shower for me in the great state of Ohio this past weekend. I have now officially been to Ohio too many times for my liking during the last 4 months. Seriously, though... I have.
I have been to Stow during ALL the cloudy months which is to say nearly all 12 months (specifically Sept, Oct, Nov, Dec, Jan, Mar and April). This trip - was the exception! I dreaded going (it was supposed to be in the 80s back in Richmond) but it turned out beautiful! Friday was the drive up (cloudy and misty rain) followed by the baby shower on Saturday (cloudy and warm) followed by meeting up with extended friends on Sunday (sunny and near 70s!) and driving home on Monday (cloudy and cooler). It was great - we wore TSHIRTS with NO COATS. Wow, indeed.
The shower was great. My SIL, a jr high teacher, shines during organized events. She coordinates every detail and leaves you with nothing to do but enjoy yourself. Yes, I'm lucky.
We got many things for junior. From the car seat (and an extra hand-me-down base), the stroller, the play pen, bathtub with some bath supplies, books, and a bazillion clothes... all pink. Well, there was a blue outfit in there somewhere. J hand-sewn a super cute baby jumper outfit with three little black birds and grandma crochet a white blankie. Another cousin made burp clothes. N, my BIL's girlfriend, got us each our own diaper bags (girly pink paisley for me and faux brown suede for future daddy). Amazing. I still have yet to go through it all again... to let it truly set in what items we now own.
We had a bit of a "challenge" to fit everything in our car. I'm trying to avoid Rob driving back to Ohio just for the crib (which, let's be honest, still won't fit in the KIA even if it is empty with only Rob as the driver). After seeing Rob's friend, A, stuff the stroller/car-seat combo into the backseat the night before we leave town, I suggest we try and bring everything home instead of shipping the combo later. This sends Rob into a bit of a silent my-wife-is-pregnant-and-crazy sort of huffing when I sweet talk him into packing the car... tight... on Monday morning. He unloads everything all over the driveway. After a few choice words, a brief exchange of frustration, it all... magically... fits. We did have to rely on the mirrors to drive home and the tower of plastic baby stuff shifted & squeeked much of the way home, but it was all worth it.
We later unloaded the car and stuck it all in the guest, ...er baby's room. There are now bags piled around the bed which is covered in more bags. Its all a bit overwelming these days. Reality STILL hasn't sunk in. There's just so much to do (this closet has to move to that closet and that closet has to go to the attic and this dresser has to move to where that bookshelf once was). Decorating the baby's room and making room for baby isn't really very fun at all. Rob and I are beginning to feel the pinch, not on the wallet (not with all these gifts!), but in our daily lives.

24 Weeks - Photo

Whoa! I'm half the size I'm gonna get, yikes!
Well, I'm in my 25th week after having completed my 24th week. And to think, I never gave a shit about counting time this precisely. I used to think pregnant women were crazy when they told me how many weeks they were and that mothers were anal-retentive when they said how many months their toddler was. Its all beginning to make sense. It scares me.
So, technically, for you non-pregos out there, I am 5 1/2 months. Like my co-worker (who has a kid) said to me yesterday, "Phew, you're just starting." Yes, yes I am.
Baby kicks all the time. All... the time. She's kicking right now it fact. Its an odd sensation like something is insisting on attention and... you can't give it. She does stop when I rub her only to resume kicking when I stop. There's only so much of that I want to do encourage, though. First off, I look like a wierdo massaging my big belly while at work. That, and I'm afraid she'll become a brat demanding attention when she is here. I was a brat. I don't care to repeat the cycle into this generation.
So off we go to Ohio soon - leave this Friday. I'm feeling better than I thought I would (at this point - I think I could stand the 8.5 hour drive up. I'm not sure about the drive back, however. I was afraid my back would be killing me at this point but I think I'll be OK). Ullman family baby shower is this weekend. I'm excited and nervous as hell about getting all this baby stuff back home. So nervous... that I'm getting ticked off. I'd say I was almost PMS'ing over the whole thought of this weekend & getting things taken care of for this weekend... but its not PMS.
On a separate note: I had to shave my legs while sitting on the side of the tub today. Yes, ladies, for those of you who plan to get pregnant someday... mark your calendars. Week 24 is when you can no longer perform the flamingo while in the shower. There's just no abs for it. I now wonder when I can no longer reach my ankles.

Just a few months

Nothing particularly exciting or insightful to post today. I did want to make a note of an observation I've made.
We attended a St. Patty's Day party last night (yes, I drank O'Doul's. Its not bad, honest. But - it did have the born-on date of Aug 12th and it was recommended that it be enjoyed within 110 days. I enjoyed it over 210 days later. A little skunky...). the party was an outdoor bonfire slash garage party. No one there had kids let alone ever experienced pregnancy before (well, what the hell do I know - maybe someone there had a kid at some point in their life, but they certainly did not have a kid at home today). My size aside, when people hear that I'm due in July (4 months from now) they say, "Wow, not much longer!" And, its funny cause everyone I work with has kids and they all say, "Its just getting started!"
Its funny how perspectives change once you've experieniced this.
Before I ever got pregnant - 9 months seemed like a lifetime. Its essentially a year of drinking, traveling, late nights, partying, and skinniness all thrown out the window for one full year. But, if I ever met someone at 5/6 months pregnant, I always made comments like, "Wow! Home stretch! Soon, huh?"
Now that I am halfway through it, I must admit time has flown by this first half.
In regards to the time ahead, I think there is something to be said about the last half of pregnancy slowing down time as we know it. EVERYONE I know drags the last 6-4 weeks. Days pass like hours. You might as well sit on the toilet without every leaving cause you're just going to have to pee again as soon as you pull up your pants. You might as well throw out any plans about "resting up before baby" cause you can't get comfortable. You can't breathe. You ache. And to top it all off, you are swollen from water retention. *sigh* I fear the road ahead.
So, I think its funny that non-baby people think the last bit of pregnancy means its all wrapping up (which, makes sense that you think that cause time does go faster one week before Christmas or before your wedding or before anything huge you've spent time preparing for). And that, people with kids, know that time tends to s-l-o-w down the further along you get. Probably because nature wants to prepare you for a lifetime of patience ahead.

Weigh'd in

Had my dr.'s check-up today. I'm at 23 weeks + 3 days today. Nothing special - no real milestones at this point and no crazy tests done either (that happens at the next appt when I do the glucose test, yuck!).
But I did get weigh'd in. I'm now 154.5 lbs (yipe!) which is 14.5 lbs more than where I started. what does this mean - I'm right on par. If I keep up this pace, I'll be 170lbs. when delivery time comes around (holy crap!) which will be a total pregnancy gain of 30lbs (phew!). We'll see if I stay on this course... with Girl Scout cookies being delivered last week and Easter just around the corner, not to mention by insane cravings for candy and ice cream, I may get off target... fast!
Found this little calculator online. I love what it had to say to me!

Craigslist

Craigslist is an excellent source for kids stuff. Kids either outgrow it quickly, hated it, never wore it or you got doubles and you can't return it.
But this gem I found today - I can't put it into words. A woman in Hanover (neighboring county) is selling this item, here's what she says about it:
"Really cute pony in great condition from a smoke free home. It can either be strapped to your leg for the child to ride or set on the floor. The best thing is that it makes realistic galloping & neighing sounds. Below is a link to the web site for more info. If interested, please contact me even if Hanover isn't convenient for you. $15 cash. Thanks!"
Now, you just KNOW her kid was completely freaked out by this item... money not wells-pent by grandma who watches too many TV infomercials late at night. She attaches a photo and the link to the company's website... which left me horrified:
Give it justice - turn up the volume:
Po-knee Link

4 more months....

Ah, yes. Fun with Rob's Mac & the built-in photo booth. Not too sure why I didn't think of this sooner.
22 and 1/2 weeks. Yikes! I'm huge!

Honoring my pregnancy

So our yoga instructor asked us a long time ago, "How are you honoring your pregnancy?" You know you aren't when you don't even understand the question. I thought she meant, "What are you doing to capture this moment in time?" Which, I guess one could take it to mean just that. For example, I'm blogging about it, taking photos every 4 weeks, etc.
But, what she meant was,"What are you doing to honor your pregnant self?"
Answer - nada.
I haven't done anything to truly "treat myself." Many of us weren't treating ourselves, which, to me, is the very essence of motherhood.... too damned preoccupied with everyone else and their needs that you sacrifice yourself. Now, you're MY mother when you then turn it all around to martyrdom, but that's another story for another day.
I had decided a long time ago that I'd get monthly pedicures when I'm pregnant. You can't see your feet (or reach them) and why the hell not - its fantastic. So, this past Sunday - I did just that.
K and I went to a new spa in Carytown (Fusion - its great) and had a fun time. I reached the 5-month marker the follwing day so I should be able to do this 4 more times before baby gets here. And hell, why not treat myself for doing such a good job during labor one month after that? Why should the honoring end with the pregnancy?
;-)

Hand-me-downs

The world of maternity hand-me-downs is an amazing one. No woman truly "gets it" until she is pregnant and people throw clothing at her. Its amazing. It reminds me of some college friends who would buy so many clothes that they could afford to purge and pass on while it still was in style.
You have to understand - I still wore jeans from college until about a year ago (I have now finally gotten to fat for them. And no, it wasn't due to pregnancy). I never buy clothing. I LOVE to, there's just been so many other things in life that we needed or wanted. Clothing went on the wayside. I truly think you've reached the pinnacle of adulthood when you realize how fantastically out-of-touch you've become with the latest fashion trends.... and you don't really even care.
So, back to prego clothing. I have already said that C gave me a bag of her hand-me-downs. The "bag of denial" I lovingly called it. I've actually begun to take a dip in that bag in the last 2 weeks. I think I am, as of this week, exclusively into maternity clothing now. There's no going back-n-forth for this belly, not anymore.
I've also posted that I have purchased 5 pants, a skirt and various tops from Old Navy, The Gap and, ah yes, Gabriel Brothers.
But yesterday was the MOTHERLOAD. Thank you, thank you, thank you to A for her amazing box of never-ending cotton fiber blends. A moving box filled with trash bags... all... maternity.
After rummaging through every article, I settled on 2 trashbags for myself. Did you read that sentence? I settled on TWO TRASHBAGS filled with clothes! Ha! I actually left behind a third bag (all too large or out of season).
While discussing how I will need to purchase plastic bins to store all my old clothing, in order to make room for all of this new stuff, Rob made a great comment. He nailed it, "I think its so cool - this maternity network - where all of you share and keep the stuff moving around. It makes it so you can all save your money for what's important and fun in the end - the kid."
What more can I say?

20weeks

February 19th was 20 weeks. Its the halfway point! Its funny cause... the first half is way easier than the second half. Its almost not worth celebrating. I have no problems getting up or down and midnight bathroom runs haven't been a problem this last months. I'm enjoying this before it all comes crashing down on me and just taking a shower wears me out.
*wink*
20weeks
Have I mentioned how much I hate our camera? All these moments passing us by...

We're f*&ked

In the first formal study of fetal temperament in 1996, DiPietro and her colleagues recorded the heart rate and movements of 31 fetuses six times before birth and compared them to readings taken twice after birth. (They've since extended their study to include 100 more fetuses.) Their findings: fetuses that are very active in the womb tend to be more irritable infants. Those with irregular sleep/wake patterns in the womb sleep more poorly as young infants. And fetuses with high heart rates become unpredictable, inactive babies.
Uh-oh, our baby's a mover...

"Behavior doesn't begin at birth," declares DiPietro. "It begins before and develops in predictable ways." One of the most important influences on development is the fetal environment. As Harvard's Als observes, "The fetus gets an enormous amount of 'hormonal bathing' through the mother, so its chronobiological rhythms are influenced by the mother's sleep/wake cycles, her eating patterns, her movements."
If you know me - I got's some crazy cycles & patterns...

The hormones a mother puts out in response to stress also appear critical. DiPietro finds that highly pressured mothers-to-be tend to have more active fetuses--and more irritable infants. "The most stressed are working pregnant women," says DiPietro. "These days, women tend to work up to the day they deliver, even though the implications for pregnancy aren't entirely clear yet. That's our cultural norm, but I think it's insane."
What? Me? Stress? P-shaw! Now as for working up to the very day the kid drops... that's a given!

Picture pages! Picture pages! 19w4d

Photos going down the page:
1. She's stretched out with her feet together (ankle to ankle).
2. Here's a profile (you can see her nose and lips). I think she looks like a Klippstein.
3. Here's looking at you! Straight on face!
4. Profile and hand. See her thumb?

Boy, oh BOY!

... its a girl.

Photos to follow this weekend.

Yes, there's a baby in there

"Rob! You aren't going to believe how pregnant these new t-shirts from Old Navy make me look."

"Well, uh, Yeah! That's kind of what you are."

"No, but really [squeezing into shirt] look at this [rubbing belly], can you believe this?"

"Um, again, yeah! You're pregnant. There's a baby in there. This is what happens."

"Yeah,... but, I mean, this is crazy!"

"Again, I don't know why you're surprised. You keep pointing to your stomach saying, 'Look at this!' You're like a little boy who's discovered his penis for the first time."

"Yeah, well, that amazement still hasn't worn off - has it?"

Dear Baby Ullman,

In one more week we will know what you are - boy or girl. Finally, we will stop calling you "it".

I'm still in disbelief that you already look like our baby, only much too small for me to want to actually hold you.
Do you have my red hair or dad's brow? Do you have my mush nose or dad's strong chin? Will your hands be cold like mine or hot like dad's? Will you be good at managing things like me or excel at remember odd factoids like dad?

One things is for sure - you will be pale all your life thanks to both of us. I'm apologizing, in advance, for all that sunscreen you'll be complaining about before I let you go outside. I hated it, too.
You will also be tall and scrawny while you grow up. You may not always like this, but you'll appreciate it later on in life when you don't have to worry about weight as much as some of your friends.
You will look like you need sleep much of the time, thanks to both dad and I with our puffy eyes.
On the positive side of things, you will have awesome, strong shoulders (I am not looking forward to labor cause of this). Both mom and dad have never needed shoulder pads.
You'll also never worry about hair loss - we both have good genes for full heads of hair. Although, I can't promise that you won't have a ridiculous receeding hairline the older you get - we also both have genes for large foreheads.
You might have moles (thanks, dad!) or freckles (thanks, mom!) but if you get really bad acne in your teens - I promise you that we will take you to a dermotologist. Both dad and I remember how akward Jr. High really was and we have both agreed to do our best to make it as painless on you as possible. With that being said, we can't help with the glasses - no contacts till you're ready for the responsibilty. You might be OK in this department - dad and I are both good at personal resposibility.

There's a few things I want you to know now before you get here. A few things you'll learn along the way but the sooner you are up-to-speed, the better. I'm a basketcase of worry. I'm just letting you know up front. My mother was a worrier so I think I acquired this annoying habit from her. Its straight from good intentions and love, so please be kind with me if I over ask you things or question what you are doing. Patience with me is key. Incidentally - patience is another one of my shortcomings. I may push you to succeed and to try hard at big things. Again, its only because I am your biggest fan and want you to grab the world by the tail. Just remind me if I get too smothering. Its all I ask. We are both going to be learning things as we go along.

I also want you to know that dad will be taking over for me once you are out and about in the real world. Carrying you around the first 9 months is hard work but watching out for you - out in the world - will be a lot more work! He's going to be good at it though, you needn't worry. Dad is very good with kids and understands when to take charge. He'll give you the space you need and he'll play with you often (You're pretty lucky. I have to be up front and tell you, kids just love your dad). I didn't really have a great relationship with my dad (he traveled all days of the week) and I have always regretted it. And most kids end up going to daycare when they are little. We can't afford it (we'll teach you about money when you are old enough... its pretty difficult to fully understand and honetsly, most adults I know still don't understand it either). Daycare is an OK place to be (its fun to hang out with other kids your age) but I think staying at home with dad all to yourself - is simply the best! You'll soon see for yourself.

We'll be having many more talks in the future - but these are just some of the things that float to mind today. I think the sooner we start communicating - the better. So, you do the same and tell me what's going on once in awhile, OK?

Until later, I love you,
mom

18 weeks and kickin'

I have felt the baby move, or you at least think to yourself, 'What was that? I felt a little bubbly something. That was different. That must be it!" But yesterday morning, Sunday, as I lazily laid in bed (on my back no less. Yes-yes, stop scoulding me, you are not supposed to lay down on your back past 16 weeks... but it was really a brief roll-over in preparation to get up and out of bed) I felt a definitive kick. I had my hand on my belly and felt it both internally AND externally. First thought, 'what the?' Then, 'Rob should have been here!' Quickly followed by, 'do it again!'
I felt the baby wriggle in the morning and again after eating. It wriggled rather wildly when I went to bed. No need to lay on my stomach waiting for it anymore. I now notice it a lot more often! I'm wondering when it will turn from cute to driving-me-crazy. I hear they can kick-kick-kick when you try to lay down and to go to sleep. Or they stomp on your bladder sending you running for the toilet. Rather unfriendly!
Like my friend A wrote in an email (and I have heard this before, so you are not crazy A!), there does come a time when you get used to the cycles of movement and it becomes a part of your routine. Then there's the stage when it hardly moves due to space limitations and it can make you a wee bit frantically worried. And then finally - the separation anxiety after you have the baby. I can definitely see that later stage affecting me when I go off to work again after the baby arrives. I know I'll be a bit of a cryer when that time comes.
I still can't believe this is all happening. Having a baby. I know that may sound a bit stupid - but its all such a crazy ride. You get used to the stages of pregnancy and you begin to forget what it was like to wear pants with a zippered fly or that you used to sleep through the night without peeing or what it was like to stay up late without crashing at 10PM. Feeling the baby move is making this all seem a bit more real. But I also have to admit, its also making me a bit more selfish, too - I want more! ;-)