Decorating a nursery is NOT,... I repeat,... NOT fun. Planning a wedding was not fun either but it had its highlights - picking out colors/styles, tasting samples, registering for all the fun stuff you’d never buy yourself, etc. Organizing a new home had its highlights,too - painting the walls a color that would kill your mother (orange living room anyone?), buying furniture you like & not worrying about your roommate destroying it in a drunken college party, and knowing that every upgrade you do will return to you when you sell it (provided you have good taste, like myself, of course).
Baby’s room. No fun. Well, I guess that statement's not entirely true, but this weekend certainly blew.
This weekend, in general, blew.
We cleared out the guest bed and delivered the headboard/footboard frame to our friend G. We tossed the mattresses (no sense keeping those in a wet basement hoping they don’t get ruined before baby needs it). We then moved (I say “we” but I really did nothing at all in my current state. Thanks, K, for helping Rob!) the lead-filled bookcase to the living room. After a small debate regarding its location - it was locked in place facing the front door. It looks good, actually.
But, like ALL moves, you then discover the heaping piles of CRAP you managed to squirrel away in every nook & cranny. The crap you never use, hardly look at, forgot you had and yet... can’t... part... with. *sigh*
We pulled out the remaining junk and baby gifts. We piled stuff everywhere. 6 spare pillows, 9 blankets, college artwork, posters, books, bags & bags of hand-me-down baby clothes, stroller, diaper pails. I - f*cking - lost - it. There is so much crap, I’m immobile. Where does this stuff go? Why do we need this? Do I want this? Can I put this in the attic? There’s too much crap in the attic already. Can I put all my pre-pregnancy clothes in the basement? Will they ever fit again? I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw myself on the bed like a teenager in a hissy-fit. I didn’t. I bitched at Rob instead. He, in turn, took his hissy-fit outside. This isn’t fun, this is miserable.
I vacuumed the floors and hand scrubbed them with Murphy's soap. I panted and about wore myself out, too. All I could think about was how dirty the rest of the house was. I felt overwhelmed.
Rob helped me assemble the new rug (we ordered swatches from FLOR. The rug is brown, cream, lime green and fuchsia squares). He quickly realized I couldn't even do it. I flopped pieces all over the floor. He took over and finished the job. It looked great. It looked like there was still so much more to do. It looked like the colorful kids' room I never had (my rooms were always little lady prints like "Laura Ashley"). It looked daunting - what the hell have we gotten ourselves into? It looked so empty - we still need so much more stuff... where will the money come from. It looked unorganized - where are ALL these clothes and linens going to fit? It looked... like the room I had been hiding behind a closed door - and it was now open. And with it, a new reality that is sinking in in fits and spurts. We have to make room for this baby in our house, in our lives, in our finances,... this is more than one adjustment.
I'm not feeling confident about the road that lies ahead. I feel a little lost and lonely. Scared, really.
4 comments:
Dear Brooke,
First off, I want to thank you for calling me yesterday. That was so sweet and touching. I'm sorry I was a little *blah.* I'm dreading impending familial visitations that have become a plague on our existence. And resented having to spend Mother's Day prepping the house for a woman I find mildly reprehensible.
Secondly, I can relate to your sense of feeling overwhelmed. In fact, every other day I look around me and think, "Man, what have I done!? Is this really my life?" But this *is* my new life and it will be yours, too. And you will adjust and find the happiness amidst all the tears, frustration and worry. It really is there. In spades. Eve is not going to care if her room is finished when she gets here. She'll only care about you and knowing that you'll be there when she's hungry or fussy or wet. And you will be. Rooms may someday be "finished," but, not too sound too cheesy, people never are. So, go easy on yourself.
Yep, don't stress about the "ROOM" too much.
We're 6 months in and the only time Ivy's in there is when she's asleep.
And don't worry about not having enough time when she gets here.
In the last month Meg and I have redone both bathrooms and are now starting on the kids playroom.
It's definitely not as easy as the old days, but it can be done.
Catherine - you were fine on the phone. I understand completely - not a very rewarding Mother's Day at all.
Thanks for the inspirational words-of-wisdom. Its hard to remember that all this is a process both mentally & physically...but emotionally, too. I always thought 9 months was a long time but its really NOT considering how life altering the changes are. Hell, we needed 1 year to plan a wedding. 9 months to plan for baby is not nearly enough time...
Jay - Happy first "official" Mother's Day to Meg for me. Apparently being prego doesn't a mother make, so if you didn't celebrate last year - I hope you had a fine celebration this past weekend. :-)
You two are insane, redoing bathrooms? First off, your bathrooms... your whole house, is damned near perfection. I can't imagine what you've had to redo. Second off, you have energy for that?!.
Thanks for giving me the calming down I need. I think I'm having the mid-pregnancy stress attack. The realization that this is happening ready-or-not.
Post a Comment