Hallowe'en Party (another great holiday for baby exploitation)

My name is Chilly-Willy, I'm frozen through and through! My nose is red and my tail is cold. Ah, hee, achoo!

Before and afterStrangely enough, time elapse between these photos is 20 minutes. Our entire party experience last 45 minutes before we headed home for the night. Better luck next year, *wink!*

Nightime Routine

I love your vast selection of footie pajamas

4 month check-up

Dad and you send me an email pic before picking me up
Dad & you drove out to my office to pick me up for lunch before seeing the doctor today. I cannot believe its already your 4 month check-up. Time is flying.
Today is a crappie rainy day (that we so desperately need) so we ran in and out of doors trying to keep dry & warm.
We had Salsarita's Mexican for lunch - tacos for mom and a burrito (of course) for dad. You sat on my lap throughout most of my meal and quietly gazed across the table, the room & out the window. Your head swivels at a pace much like an attendee at a tennis match. I sometimes can't tell if you are overwhelmed or if this is just how you process things. Sometimes, I can catch your darting gaze and get you to lock eyes for a second... then you smile broad and shove a fist in your mouth. It makes me melt. Its all pretty damned fantastic these days.
We throw you back in the car to get to the doctor's office (not only on time but very early!). Dad and I both kept you far, far away from some sick boy who insisted on covering every square inch of the waiting room with his open-mouth coughs. *sigh*, if we could only wrap you in Saran wrap.
You started to get fussy by the time your room was up (it is naptime, afterall). The fussiness was squelched with the taking off your cothing. Just telling you that you were going to get naked made you light up. I sing the "Takin' off your pants! Takin' off your pants! Doin' the takin' of my pants dance!" song I created a few weeks ago and you just grin wildly. Dad hopes your enthusiam for nudity subsides by the time you are 2.
Some stats are recorded:
15 lbs.
24 3/4" long.
Holy crap - you're huge!
You are now in the 75% percentile (and you've been 50% all along up until today. You seemed to have tripled in size around 3 months... today confirmed it!) *wink*
All was fun and games (you peed on the scale and I had to carry your wet,bare butt back to the room) until the needles were finally brought in. I hated watching you wriggle and talk in the moments leading up to the first jab. Holding your arms back makes me feel like some sick form of betrayal.... like I held your hand while I led you into the firing squad. I know, I know - it all sounds so dramatic but watching your face squinch up, turn red, tongue curled and crying.... just makes me feel like all your trust in me is broken. It doesn't help that you didn't even fight. Somehow I wanted you to resist but you just laid there in futile pain... like you gave up and gave up on me.
Honestly, in the grand scheme of things, you did fantastic. You calmed down pretty quickly afterward (4 shots in all) and you didn't seem to actually hate me. Dad did whisk you off for a bottle to help soothe you while I grabbed our gear. You later crashed out the moment you got in the car to head home. I decided to leave you alone and chose not to say "good-bye" when I was dropped off at work both in fear of waking you and possibly getting rejected.
After work was non-stop fussing. You whimpered and wah-wah'd. Understandable, yes. A result of today's tribulations, yes. Do I feel like a wad of gum on the street, yes.
I hope tomorrow is fun again like it was before the doctor. At least we have 2 more months to build back the trust levels again before your 6 month appointment.

new mom ins and outs

So, I woke up this morning to no covers thanks to the husband and the dog, *sigh*. Between this, the cold meals, the being spit-up on, the having to carry everything like I'm preparing for an overnight trip even if it is just out to the grocery store... its official. I'm a mom.
I've been having to stay late at work this week. We are in "peak" holiday season at work and I am one of 5 designers responsible for creating that big, colorful ad you will all see in your newspaper for the day after Thanksgiving sale. Yes, that's right, I am helping create the infamous "Black Friday" sales ad.
And lemme tell you, its all work-work-work with little-to-no glory!
Last night I stayed on until 7:45PM just to get the lay-out on my page done (this ad ships very soon so this its important that I get things done & done correctly now.... not to mention that this is a very critical ad that keeps changing up until the very final moment of shipping). If you don't fully understand the pressures associated with Black Friday advertising, read this.
And, no, you couldn't pay to get information out of me so don't try. (Hmmm,... How much are you offering again?)
*wink*
So, staying late last night wasn't THAT LATE but when you're kid goes to bed at 7:30PM.... it wrecks your whole night if you miss them. Your whole day. My whole week. Ruined. I feel like I completely missed out on a day in my kid's life. Now, granted, it won't be as "big a deal" when she is, say, 5 and she stays overnight somewhere. But, when she isn't quite 4 months old, a whole day gone is like a week. Hell, she started talk, talk, TALKING up a storm today and I almost missed out on that, too, with getting home at 6:30PM.
*sigh*
I never thought things like this would impact me this way. I never truly 'got it' when other people were so ga-ga over their kids. But, I tell you what, I get it now. My kid's the coolest thing since sliced bread and way more entertaining than the many things I enjoyed before having a baby around. I could watch her and be totally content with just watching her bounce, wiggle, laugh and coo endlessly. I find her so completely fascinating and, the best part is, she is ALL MINE!
Just another case-in-point in kid ownership, last weekend I got my haircut and brought Eve with me (poor dad, he needs a break on the weekends!). She was content when everyone was gawking at her but she started fussing the moment I got in the shampoo girl's chair. Many hair dressers ran to her aid but, by this point, she only wanted one thing. To be picked up... and to be held the right way. I had no idea how much we have impacted her preferences (or maybe we've just figured them out) but she CRIED when one girl held her like a baby (cradled) and got even fussier when another woman held her facing over her shoulder. Evie likes to face out and sit up. Period. The only solution? Evie sat on my lap wile I got a haircut. She had chunks of wet hair stuck to her hair and she had little bits stuck to her slobbering fingers. Oh, it was a trip. But the moemnt her ass hit my lap—the crying ceased. And, as ridiculously silly a scene as this was... I secretly (very deep down inside) loved it. Kids always reached out for the moms when I held them and I HATED it (made me feel incompetent). And, here was this kid... my kid... calmed only by me. How feaking cool a feeling is that?

LOL

Evie laughed out loud for the first time last weekend. Unfortunately, I couldn't blog about it when it happened because Rob was out-of-town and when you are playing single parent for the weekend... blogging doesn't make the top 20 list of things I'd like to do during baby's downtime.
I did try to capture it on video. But, alas, Evie got the dreaded digital camera stage-fright and resorted to her *grunt*, *grunt*, huh-huh-uh sounds when the camera was rolling. Don't get me wrong. The grunting "wiggle-wiggle-wiggle" sessions are also outstandingly entertaining (we grab her belly one-handed and exclaim "wiggle! wiggle! wiggle" which Evie grins over endlessly). I did manage to capture this on video during my feeble attempts to get her to squel and laugh like I now know she can do. but, here too is the rub, my camera won't download this video for some reason. *sigh*
There is PLENTY of laughter in the road ahead so I just need to sit back and relax. I'll hear it again.
Hearing baby laugh out loud for the first time is electrifying. The absolute delight that hits you both at that moment - is a feeling you do not expect. Sure, everyone knows it will be cool to see/hear/witness baby's firsts yada-yada... but when you've been changing diapers, feeding, burping and carrying around a baby for 3 months (basically, WORKING) and you are suddenly rewarded with a sound that you've never heard before and that baby has never heard herself make before.... WOW. Evie and I both stopped what we were doing (I was changing her and singing a made-up, goofy song while she wiggled) and the room fell silent. I think she scared herself and I was just dumb-struck. I returned the same high pitched sound so she knew it was an OK sound to make (and to, PLEASE, do it again!).... she returned back with an excitement at her new sound.
And, ... then that was it.
We've been close at hitting this squel again throughout this week but its more a high-pitched coo that sounds like "hi! hi! hello!" Which, is just as cool because this is one more sound that will lead to her saying "mama!" someday. And man, won't THAT be cool?

Grabbie

We are now becoming more proficient at grabbing things in our tight little fists.
We have recently switched Evie to the type of pacifiers more commonly used (the brightly colored plastic ones with a loop on the outside and a clear silicone nipple part. Evie loved her Soothies—the ones commonly referred to as "hospital issued"—but she wouldn't take the 3-6 month old size... so we had to switch things up a bit).
On Monday morning, Evie grabbed her pacifier by the ring, yanked it out of her mouth and began waving her arm frantically in the air thus taunting herself. Rob called my attention to this new skill telling me, "She's good at the catch, not so much on the release," as she just as suddenly flung the pacifier through the air when her hand decided to let go.
Its funny that her hands seem to have a brain of their own. She can put her hands together or bounce her arms when she is happy. But when it comes to the sudden grab reflex, its like she has no idea what her hand is doing. She'll grab a clump of my hair, my shirt collar or my necklace and look all around completely unaware of what her hand is doing.
Rob wants to capture this new-found skill and highlight it by dressing Eve as Senator Bob Dole for Halloween. Give her a pen for one hand and a bottle of Viagra for the other... perfect!
God we're sick people.

National Folk Fest

This year was the third and final NFF held here in Richmond. We do plan to continue the Folk Fest event here next year (the point of NFF is to build awareness & to train cities on how to hold their own celebration in the years that follow)... but I fear that it will fizzle out like many things seem to do in this city. I don't mean to be a nay-sayer... I just enjoy this event so much, I fear it will end or will not be as big & as successful as this year's. (We DID break the attendence record with over 175,000 attendees thus taking over the title from Bangor, ME... this is fantastic news so hopefully I am just being a pessimistic worry-wort).
I volunteered in 2005 (I helped assist vans driving through people traffic). After the one day of fun and two days of attendence that year, I went on to volunteer for two days in 2006 (I served beer at night and sold CDs the following day). This year, I couldn't volunteer since I had Evie to watch over, but we had a great time without being involved.

The event is huge filling both Brown's Isle and part of the "mainland". Six stages with hourly revolving acts keep people constantly migrating from one show to the next while buying food, hand-crafts and CDs. And when you find a place to rest, we just sit and listen (or dance). The weather was great, the people are all friendly (the audience is a wide range of cultures and ages) and the music is inspirational. Best of all? Its all FREE.

Honestly, I love this event and I am sad to see that it is already over.
Evie hung in like a baby trooper. We went on Saturday with Eric, Kelly and Lisa for roughly 3 hours. Yes, she fussed and I had to hold her most of the time (trying to get her to nap and then take a bottle) but hell, she is only 3 months old. I was still delighted with how well she did (even if it meant I couldn't fully enjoy the shows like last year).

We went back for more on Sunday after Rob returned from a comic convention. Sunday was a bit rougher since we were all tired from the weekend's events but at least we tried. We stayed for about 1 1/2 hours with the second half of that time being mostly tears (Evie's, not Rob's).
I think its really important to keep Evie out-and-about attending things of this nature. Rob... hates things like this (crowds and the slow moving pace from stage to stage). But, he was also never taken to things like this as a kid. I was dragged to everything. That's the difference between being an only child and 1 of 3, I suppose.
Then again, I also traveled to see the Grateful Dead and Phish concerts so this migratory/band following lifestyle is one I have come to enjoy. Rob is more a quiet jam-at-home type.

Curious? Here's a sampling of NFF. This is Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver (I recorded Doyle's turkey call, too. Yes, he performed turkey calling, but I thought you'd prefer to hear the music. I could be wrong. The call was also very entertaining...)

C-Section

I was reading a friend's post recently. She was commenting on an article regarding how some women today see value in getting a make-over to "fix" the after effects of having a baby. J, you know who you are, *wink*.
I am not in the least bit surprised that people would be participating in "mommy make-overs" (yes, the cutsey name is ridiculous. Its surgery, people. Not a Mary Kay make-up party).
I was actually more shocked when I heard about how some women GET c-sections when the baby is full-term (about 36 weeks) to avoid adding on additional & unneccessary weight gain. These women did not want stretch marks. They didn't want the cankles or the additional 5+lbs you pack on your final month. They wanted it all neat and simple and tied with a bow ....cut out the unnessary details, please.
I think putting your baby in harm's way just to spare a few stretch marks is absurd. Selfish. And its a horrible statement on our society as a whole.
I had a c-section. I didn't want one (I didn't want a natural childbirth for that matter either. I, personally, believe epidurals are a godsend, so send it my way. Evolution has helped some smart people in the medical community to invent these drugs so why not? Many of my gal-pals feel otherwise and went all natural... but I digress). I had a c-section because Evie was breech. Medical advancement has allowed such things to happen for both a healthy mother and baby.
Now, I also find this chick's post interesting: Parent Dish
Maybe I wouldn't have died. Maybe, in reality, I WOULD HAVE WANTED TO DIE passing a human butt-first... but that's enough for me.
Do I feel less of a mother? No. Do I now regret having a C-section? Hell, no. Did I want to sob uncontrollably at the thought of having a C-Section cause I realy didn't want one when my doctor told me I was going to have one? Yes.
Would I ever touch-up my scars? Hell. No.
The scars... the tears.... the stretch marks... the way your hips never quite look the same again... the less-perky-boobs from breast-feeding... are all signs that I rose to an amazing challenge and the outcome was Evie. Maybe it helps that my husband thinks I'm still the sexiest thing on the planet. Maybe its just my outlook. But we are all here to live life and to use our bodies to their fullest potential. So far, ...I have. Why would I ever want to tweak, nip or tuck that?

New things to see and do everyday...

Big week for you.
You have begun using your hands more - you aren't quite intentionally grabbing things but you do grab my finger more actively, grab my hair or necklace, and wave your arms out away from your body before bringing your hands to center again. You are developing more controlled movements.
You also have discovered your toes and actually grabbed my thigh again & again with your long monkey toes while we were laying on the bed. You then tap, tap, tap your toes and commence toe-grabbing again. Its all really funny and this is clearly intentional... which is exciting.
You focused all your energy & might on kicking the hanging rattle/block that hangs from your bouncy seat. Dad and I both marvelled at how you are concentrating to make things happen when, before, it was all uncoordinated flailing and wild, jerky movements. Seeing your brain work is pretty fascinating. Its nice to see the human being in you emerge.
Your facial expressions are changing, too. The range is growing. You have started to wave your eyebrows (clearly, a trait inherited from your mother). You furrow your brow when I put you in the bathtub (What-the-hell-is-this? expression), you also furrow your brow when I make a confusing/silly face (What-are-you-doing? expression), and then your eyebrows fly up your forehead when you are thrilled (yippee! expression). You are concentrating, thinking and processing... all of which is finally being reflected in your face.
Its so nice to begin to see more of what makes Evie, Evie. Who is she and how does she think? What does she like and how does she respond to the things she doesn't like. What does she want and how will she take it.
The more and more you do the more I am amazed at human biology. Just 1 year ago you were a zygote and look at you now.

This past weekend Natalie was in town from Chicago. She finally had the chance to meet you face-to-face. It scares me to think that you are closer to the age when Natalie and I met.... than I am! We met in the 3rd grade and that's not too far in your distant future. Yikes! This thought makes me feel old. Old because my mother was old when I was in the 3rd grade. I still feel so immature my ownself. I keep waiting to wake up and have that feeling of confidence, "I know what I am doing today and how to take care of things." And yet everyday is still the clueless adventure it was the day before...
I hope I stay "cool" and in-tune with your needs when you are a kid. I hope I always "understand" and "get" you.
I hope you make cool lifelong friends when you go to school.

3 Months Old (13wks + 1 day)

Wow, Evie.
Its so exciting how much you have developed and learned since just last month.
And, its so sad how quickly time truly does fly. (Its even sadder that this still astounds me).
During this past month, you and I said good-bye as I headed back to the office. I have been back for 4 weeks now. And, although it has gotten easier to leave you in the morning, it still makes me sad when I come home and you appear to have grown in just my 8hrs absence. Coming home now has all-new meaning as I hope to catch you in your final awake hour before crashing out at a 7PM bedtime. Once, I left work late and you were in bed before I got home. I felt really, really lost without our new routine (bathtime every other night and storytime every night). I like our routine and hope that you have associated my coming home with these special bonding-time events. I like to think its "our thing" after you and dad spent all day playing together.
You learned how to sit up for the first time. Aided, of course. You sat up in your Baby seat designed to hold up 3-12 month olds (and you did so at only 2 1/2 months). You slumped the first time and looked a little confused. But the next time was all joyous smiles and giggles. You like to face things head on. You like to be held looking out with your arms and legs unrestrained. You like your bouncey seat so you can fling your legs out & can kick endlessly. Sitting in a chair was the most freedom you've had so far and you seemed to really enjoy it. You are not one who likes to lay down looking up at a gym or on your belly trying to grasp things.
Never one to grasp our fingers (ever!) or to curl up on our chests and snuggle, you do love having us around. And being simply "around", is not enough. You like us to talk to you, to sing, to pull on your legs & arms to rythmn of a made-up song... you do not enjoy self-entertainment at this point. Sometimes, if we leave you in a bouncey seat, you'll allow us enough time to get a cup of coffee... but it better be quick or you fuss. So far, we still fall for all of your fussings. Many times we know they are fake and you can handle it... so we run to your aid but mock your musings while you settle back down again. We think its all so cute.

That being said, when you get upset... it breaks our hearts. Only a few times (your 2nd day of life in the hospital, your 2-month-old shots and after friends yelled loudly during a football game) have you become so upset that you became almost inconsolable. When this happens, I feel terrible like I have done you wrong as a mom. My only job is to keep you safe, healthy and happy. To fail on keeping you happy, just tears me up. I am now on the look-out for situations that won't work for you. I'm getting better at seeing things before they happen to avoid a potentially unhappy baby. Of course, I did almost let you get a sunburnt head this past weekend 'cause I didn't think to put a hat on your bald forehead. I did say I was "getting better"...I am still learning...
You have mastered the smile and have occasionally a raspy giggle similar to that of Selma on The Simpsons (we might need to work on this).
You took your first overnight trip to Washington DC and stayed in your playpen for the first time (well, you did so until 5AM when we pulled you in to bed with us cause you weren't actually SLEEPING in your playpen *sigh*). You slept in between us with your arms up over your head. When we all woke up LATE (7:20AM!), you puffed up your pouty lips and stretched back & forth as far as you could reach.... *grunt!* *grunt!*. You pulled your legs up against your body in a tight indian-style and finally fell back... awake. Rob and I LAUGH at your personality. You really are a little person. Sometimes you act like an adult and not at all what we thought a baby would act like. This never ceases to crack us up. I worry that this little wake-up routine will end and you'll outgrow it..
I never want to forget the little things you do from the soft reply coos, the wet sneezes that make your eyes get red & puffy, the "bleuch" sounds you make when you grunt, the "wah's" you make when you get fussy... I keep worrying when these little trademark Evie things will end. This thought makes me sad. I need to remind myself that we aren't losing you as you get older... you just keep doing more and more funny/cute/endearing things.
I need to learn this lesson now or I'll be one hell of a mom when you go off to high school (waving good-bye, sobbing on the street corner). Dear God, I've become MY mother! Its not too late... I can turn that ship around...
You and I said good-bye to breast feeding this past month. this was one hard thing to start and one easy thing to end. I tore myself apart questioning why I would end such a good thing tht you & I worked so hard to master. I tormented myself questioning my commitments as a mother. I felt horribly selfish wanting to end the pumping as a convenience factor going back to work. I weened you during the hours I would be at work and didn't pump my first week back. Then I tried to recapture it all and brought the pump to work. Slowly, it all began to fade. I also found it to be too important to spend time with you after work instead of pumping while watching dad feed you. It all quickly became stupid. It was apparent that I needed to let it go. You never seemed bothered at my decision to switch you to formula so why beat myself up? We are both happy now and its great to watch you smile at me with the bottle in your mouth (even though it is 3AM and you really must finish up so I can get back to bed now....)
This past month you also had your first head cold. You weathered it very well. Your father, did not. One snotty nose (you breathed like a raging rhino) and slight fever for a few short days. I now understand what my mom meant when she would tell me, "I wish I could take the pain for you." I don't like seeing you not feeling well. This will be hard watching you get sick again and again over the years...
So, in closing ('cause this has got to end), I can't believe another month is behind us. They say you will begin to reach for things this month and that you'll be ready to stand up in a play gym. You might be ready for these things to happen. I'm not. I can't believe you far you have come in just the few short months you've been around. You learn and grow so much... its all so amazing.
I can see why people do this all over again. I'm exhausted, financially strapped and wondering when our lives will move like a well-oiled machine again. But its all worth it... to watch you learn and to look at the world with fresh eyes. You have no preconceived notions about... anything! You aren't jaded and spoiled like I have become as an adult. Its so refreshing to see things in such a simplified manner all over again. You've tapped into a part of me that I haven't seen for a very long time. You make me so happy. I'm excited for our future. Here's to 3 months. We're ready for month 4...