Its amazing how you can learn to survive on 3hr sleep cycles... 8hr runs with absolutely no nourishment... upwards of 24hrs with no shower... you can't remember if you brushed your teeth or not... and manage to hold a fulltime job.
I can't believe I officially got hired this week.
I am. A zombie.
I was a fulltime contract worker for almost a year (it would have been 1 year the first week of October). I returned from maternity leave with a fulltime employment offer. Who-hoo! Benefits like "flex time," here I come. Thank God they offered this last week before the sleep deprivation + work kicked into full gear. 'Cause this week,... I'm a basketcase.
With my new employment status I received 2 huge projects both due Monday. Impossible on a good day, I must admit.
I also decided to bring in the pump and see if I can't "try" to keep up with the breast milk + supplementing. After attending a friend's football gathering this past Sunday, I felt HORRIBLE when a Russian mom with her 6 month old said, "So, young to be weened!" when she saw me giving a bottle to Evie. Of course, she had also opted for a homebirth—clearly she deserves more of the mother-of-the-year-award than I do (you all know what I mean be this statement, don't send me comments like I am beating myself up... that statement was not a put-down on myself!). But, she made me feel like crap not by her comment but because I do feel like crap... and it bubbled to the surface after the comment. That, and EVERYONE in my prenatal yoga group is nursing. And they all had babies before me... so I gave in early without even giving it the ole' college try with a pump at the workplace.
So, insane workload + 5/6hr night's sleep (tops!) + stopping to go pump in a small room downstairs + maintaining a home after work = zombie.
I think I'm doing alright. Well, who are we kidding, I feel like I did in high school when we'd all stay up ALL WEEKEND long for prom just to see if we could do it... thus nearly killing ourselves at school the following Monday. You are in such a fog its almost intoxicating. Its almost better than pot (from what I've heard. I'd never touch the stuff...). I feel loopy.
And yet, I really could go for a day/night away to a lodge out in the middle of NO WHERE with no phone, no work and no conversation to be had... just a massage followed by an 18 hr nap.
One lesson I have learned from all this? Never ask people "Are you sleeping through the night?" Its like a gentle reminder than NO... you aren't... and they just did last night.
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