Yet another great debate - which habit is a worse habit? Which one is harder to break and which one will result in tears & frustration when I try and break it?
Now, I was a fore-finger sucker. Yes, the first finger. I would turn my finger upside down in my mouth (nail side down) and wave/curl my fingers as I sucked, sucked, sucked. I asked my mom when I stopped and how she broke the habit... apparently I decided for myself by announcing, "I 'm a big girl and I don't suck my fingers anymore!" Sounds like me, doesn't it? Gawd I was a strangely responsible child. I don't truly think I ever was a child... but that's a topic for another day.
Evie came out with the power to suck like one of those fish you see cleaning the insides of the tank at Red Lobster's. She would adhere to the sides of her hospital bassinet, the nurse's arm, people's necks and anyone's shirt. I also caught her shoving her fist in her mouth in the first few days and the nurse squealed, "Oh! A thumbsucker! I love thumbsuckers!"
I immediately gave her a pacifier.
Why?
Cause somehow it seemed a much easier habit to break. Plus, all those germs she'll have on her hands after a day in the store, at the park, using the potty - bleech! Somehow the pacifier I could control (like, a parent can truly control sucking behavior in any form. Yet another lesson I am learning more about - you cannot control behaviors, period. You can merely steer them one way or another and you can't do any of that with a newborn so quit trying) and regulate and clean.
After getting her a wee bit more attached to the pacifier verses her thumb - I THEN decided to read up on it. Turns out, they both have pros and cons...and neither is better than the other. The main pro-thumb I am noticing - the pacifier falls out so you gotta get up to stick it back in. Aw, geez does this stink at 2AM! Plus, parents tend to force the pacifier on their kids like a plug... and they create the habit it will become. Most kids naturally outgrow the comfort of sucking between 3-6 months (and most parents keep sticking in the pacifier at night to get kids to sleep & to comfort themselves). Hmmm, maybe I need to facilitate the thumb afterall.
So, I started sticking Eve's fist into her mouth at the 2AM wake-up until Rob would go nutso with the crying... and then I'd ultimately give her the pacifier. But, its seems to be working. She is getting better at finding her thumb and not simply bonking herself in the head again and again FRANTICALLY trying to get her thumb in her mouth (its funny and sad - she really does get SO frustrated trying to reach her thumb. We have to pull her hands down and give her a pacifier before she completely melts down in frustration with her lack of coordination).
So, here we are toddling between two worlds - one where she finds her own thumb if we don't answer her grunts fast enough and one where we give her a pacifier just after feedings in the middle of the night. I no longer care which one she decides to prefer (why not either/or?). She'll do what she wants to do and I have to stop trying to interfere in order to make her life (well, MY life) more organized and perfect. After all, I sucked my finger and was allowed to decide for myself. I should let her do the same.
4 comments:
Okay...I had one of each and I vote for the thumb sucker! The multiple trips to the crib to replace the pacifier got old really fast! Heather had her thumb before she was one week old and was a much happier child. Also smart...the dentist told her if she stopped sucking her thumb before her permanent teeth came in she would not need braces, she stopped and she has PERFECT teeth. So...GO THUMB GO!
-Page
ted and i had profound philosophical discussions about the pacifier before frances was born. then we discovered that, with the pacifier, she would stop crying for, like, whole minutes at a time. end of discussion. i'm thinking her first tattoo will probably be the result of a similar gestalt: persistent child + weary parents = whatever.
anyhow, i figure frances will give up the pacifier when she's ready, and, if we're really, really ready for her to be done with it before she is, we can tell her that the pacifier fairy came and took her pacifiers so that little babies could have them. you can't do the same thing with a thumb.
in any case, i feel that you are wise to relax: trying to stop a determined infant from sucking her thumb is probably a very short road to insanity.
Another thing we didn't have to worry about so much. Ivy never did like her pacifier and she really doesn't suck her thumb either. She DOES gnaw on her fingers and bib fairly often but it seems like more of a teething thing. If I'm wrong, you can put her in the whole hand category.
Page - it seems like every seasoned parent agrees with you for the very same reasons (I should have just let her do what she wants for the get-go). Unfortunately, she will cry and cry and CRY now waiting for the pacifier. She only now breaks down and goes for the thumb after she thinks the pacifier will never arrive. *sigh*, I think I botched this one - whoops!
Jessica - I planned on the pacifier fairy approach for the same reasons. How do you take away a thumb? I know LOADS of parents who try to avoid pacifiers all together only to succumb to the silence they offer. I know you aren't alone in your decision.
Jay - we have whole hands, too. And she shoves her hand in there while grunting. This "ah! ah! ah!" eager/gasping sound as she shakes trying to fit all her fingers in there. It really cracks us up how much this kid grunts, pants, moans, sighs, screeches and makes neighing sounds when actively doing... anything. Whoops - there's one now! Time for a feeding!
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