3 Months Old (13wks + 1 day)

Wow, Evie.
Its so exciting how much you have developed and learned since just last month.
And, its so sad how quickly time truly does fly. (Its even sadder that this still astounds me).
During this past month, you and I said good-bye as I headed back to the office. I have been back for 4 weeks now. And, although it has gotten easier to leave you in the morning, it still makes me sad when I come home and you appear to have grown in just my 8hrs absence. Coming home now has all-new meaning as I hope to catch you in your final awake hour before crashing out at a 7PM bedtime. Once, I left work late and you were in bed before I got home. I felt really, really lost without our new routine (bathtime every other night and storytime every night). I like our routine and hope that you have associated my coming home with these special bonding-time events. I like to think its "our thing" after you and dad spent all day playing together.
You learned how to sit up for the first time. Aided, of course. You sat up in your Baby seat designed to hold up 3-12 month olds (and you did so at only 2 1/2 months). You slumped the first time and looked a little confused. But the next time was all joyous smiles and giggles. You like to face things head on. You like to be held looking out with your arms and legs unrestrained. You like your bouncey seat so you can fling your legs out & can kick endlessly. Sitting in a chair was the most freedom you've had so far and you seemed to really enjoy it. You are not one who likes to lay down looking up at a gym or on your belly trying to grasp things.
Never one to grasp our fingers (ever!) or to curl up on our chests and snuggle, you do love having us around. And being simply "around", is not enough. You like us to talk to you, to sing, to pull on your legs & arms to rythmn of a made-up song... you do not enjoy self-entertainment at this point. Sometimes, if we leave you in a bouncey seat, you'll allow us enough time to get a cup of coffee... but it better be quick or you fuss. So far, we still fall for all of your fussings. Many times we know they are fake and you can handle it... so we run to your aid but mock your musings while you settle back down again. We think its all so cute.

That being said, when you get upset... it breaks our hearts. Only a few times (your 2nd day of life in the hospital, your 2-month-old shots and after friends yelled loudly during a football game) have you become so upset that you became almost inconsolable. When this happens, I feel terrible like I have done you wrong as a mom. My only job is to keep you safe, healthy and happy. To fail on keeping you happy, just tears me up. I am now on the look-out for situations that won't work for you. I'm getting better at seeing things before they happen to avoid a potentially unhappy baby. Of course, I did almost let you get a sunburnt head this past weekend 'cause I didn't think to put a hat on your bald forehead. I did say I was "getting better"...I am still learning...
You have mastered the smile and have occasionally a raspy giggle similar to that of Selma on The Simpsons (we might need to work on this).
You took your first overnight trip to Washington DC and stayed in your playpen for the first time (well, you did so until 5AM when we pulled you in to bed with us cause you weren't actually SLEEPING in your playpen *sigh*). You slept in between us with your arms up over your head. When we all woke up LATE (7:20AM!), you puffed up your pouty lips and stretched back & forth as far as you could reach.... *grunt!* *grunt!*. You pulled your legs up against your body in a tight indian-style and finally fell back... awake. Rob and I LAUGH at your personality. You really are a little person. Sometimes you act like an adult and not at all what we thought a baby would act like. This never ceases to crack us up. I worry that this little wake-up routine will end and you'll outgrow it..
I never want to forget the little things you do from the soft reply coos, the wet sneezes that make your eyes get red & puffy, the "bleuch" sounds you make when you grunt, the "wah's" you make when you get fussy... I keep worrying when these little trademark Evie things will end. This thought makes me sad. I need to remind myself that we aren't losing you as you get older... you just keep doing more and more funny/cute/endearing things.
I need to learn this lesson now or I'll be one hell of a mom when you go off to high school (waving good-bye, sobbing on the street corner). Dear God, I've become MY mother! Its not too late... I can turn that ship around...
You and I said good-bye to breast feeding this past month. this was one hard thing to start and one easy thing to end. I tore myself apart questioning why I would end such a good thing tht you & I worked so hard to master. I tormented myself questioning my commitments as a mother. I felt horribly selfish wanting to end the pumping as a convenience factor going back to work. I weened you during the hours I would be at work and didn't pump my first week back. Then I tried to recapture it all and brought the pump to work. Slowly, it all began to fade. I also found it to be too important to spend time with you after work instead of pumping while watching dad feed you. It all quickly became stupid. It was apparent that I needed to let it go. You never seemed bothered at my decision to switch you to formula so why beat myself up? We are both happy now and its great to watch you smile at me with the bottle in your mouth (even though it is 3AM and you really must finish up so I can get back to bed now....)
This past month you also had your first head cold. You weathered it very well. Your father, did not. One snotty nose (you breathed like a raging rhino) and slight fever for a few short days. I now understand what my mom meant when she would tell me, "I wish I could take the pain for you." I don't like seeing you not feeling well. This will be hard watching you get sick again and again over the years...
So, in closing ('cause this has got to end), I can't believe another month is behind us. They say you will begin to reach for things this month and that you'll be ready to stand up in a play gym. You might be ready for these things to happen. I'm not. I can't believe you far you have come in just the few short months you've been around. You learn and grow so much... its all so amazing.
I can see why people do this all over again. I'm exhausted, financially strapped and wondering when our lives will move like a well-oiled machine again. But its all worth it... to watch you learn and to look at the world with fresh eyes. You have no preconceived notions about... anything! You aren't jaded and spoiled like I have become as an adult. Its so refreshing to see things in such a simplified manner all over again. You've tapped into a part of me that I haven't seen for a very long time. You make me so happy. I'm excited for our future. Here's to 3 months. We're ready for month 4...