A Mother's Day Post

Dear self on Mother's Day one year from now,

I notice that sometimes you forget a few things and I'd like to take a moment to remind you... that you are awesome.

Sure, the house is not as clean as it used to be, but you also have a very active little girl, a husband, and an elderly dog. Sure, these three elements drive you crazy sometimes (Evie wipes her hands off on the couch cushions when eating cereal, Rob leaves socks everywhere in the house, the dog sheds half his weight annually) but keep in mind - these are the very things you always wanted. You simply must stop forward thinking to when Evie will stop making messes, Rob will organize his stuff better (and out of your line of vision!) and the dog won't be here to shed. All you are going to want at that time are all these gloriously awesome moments of today... you'll flip through photos of all the happy memories you are in the process of making right now wishing you could go back and enjoy it more. Sometimes you get so caught up on focusing on how things TODAY are not quite as PERFECT as YESTERDAY that you completely forget about all the things you have achieved along the way. You forget that you didn't have many of the things you have now. You forget that, even then, you still thought 5 years prior to that were easier... somehow better. Life does get more complicated. Those complications can be stressful. The "to do" list does keep growing... and it only will forever and ever, amen. You need to prioritize and reevaluate sometimes. You'll feel better.

I'm not telling you to stop trying to set and achieve goals (to stop moving ahead with breakneck speed like you famously are known to do!). Goals are great. You really are master at achieving the very things you set your mind out to accomplish. But, often, you forget that watching a show with Evie IS something. Eating an ice cream cone on the front porch after dinner. Splashing in the mud. Making a mess while eating a new food in a new dress. Skipping bath night to stay up late at an outdoor event. Skipping the healthy choices for convenience. Sitting at the table coloring while we wait for the water to boil. Evie grimmacing when you look back at her in the car (ok, you know you love that moment, I snuck that in to remind you of just how picture-perfect that moment is when it happens). Evie grabbing your face (ack! My make-up, her dirty hands!) to make your lips stick-out like a fish while she throws her head back in giggles. Sitting in a pile of newly drawn chalk drawings. Getting water thrown on you during bathtime. Wiping a butt in the middle of the night when (who poops in the middle of the night anyway??? Evie's strange) nature calls. Getting woken up at 6AM to a jingling moo-cow blankie, "Get out yer bed, mommy!" And, the famous, tshirt turned hankie moment.... this is it. This is what people look back on and MISS! This is the stuff that doesn't make it in the list of goals. It's these little stepping stones that happen daily that lead to the big stuff. And, yes, the big stuff is big but its these little unique mini-moments that become what you and Rob REALLY talk about and look back on fondly.

You look great. I mean that. You don't look like you did when you were a senior in high school (straighter teeth, no grays, tighter abs and a tan). But you hated how you looked then, too.... no shape, chubbier cheeks, too many freckles and smaller boobs. You don't look like you did when you were fresh out of college, either. You don't look as great as you did the day before you got pregnant at 29. Nope. But you look AWESOME for you, right now, at this very moment. Someday you'll look back on when you were in your early thirties and say, "Egads, I looked fine and I was so preoccupied with thinking I was fat, out-of-shape and too old to rock anything that showed off my figure. What was wrong with me? I looked great! I'd love to look like that now!" Yes, some women can rock a hard body their whole lives... but many more don't. So, enjoy what you have now and be comfortable with yourself, finally. Won't you? This body has seen many things, traveled many places and made a human... cut yourself some slack and finally enjoy what you have, please! Geez, if you need further proof, go and ask your husband right now what he thinks. Cause, as it stands right now, he thinks you do look just as awesome as you did 9 years ago and damned... are you ever lucky to have a love-blind husband. Now go enjoy that, too!

Lastly, stop beating yourself up for what you call "failures." You often wringe your hands over wondering if Evie should be eating something better for her. If she should be going to a better, expensive school. Should Evie be involved in sports? OR belong to some gym class? Should I sign Evie up for some programs? Should I be teaching her a foreign language? Should she be encouraged to do more crafts? More challenging risks? Should I take her to museums? Is she ready for going to bigger all-day events? Hikes?!. Ack. Stop. It. Repeat after me: You will never be all things at all times and Evie will not miss out if she misses some things. You have plenty of time and kids should be kids. Each day she learns more about herself and each day you learn more about what she likes. So stop questioning if you are not challenging her enough and whether or not there should be more, more, more! Just go to the fridge, make an ice cream cone and go sit on the porch while you watch chocolate fall on her lap and then offer your sleeve for her to wipe her face on. All will be right with the world.

Start loving yourself more, fretting the details less and take the time to enjoy life's imperfections.

Love,
yourself.