So, I am JUST NOW getting around to posting about our anniversary dinner last Saturday night.
Yes, moms are busy people.
An old colleague of mine had offered to sit whenever we needed to get out. I think she was eager to hold the baby. We had met for lunch and Evie slept in her car seat the whole time. I decided to take her up on this offer. She could hold the baby all night if she wanted.
I made a reservation for Acacia - a super fabulous restaurant in Richmond. My grandma had given us $75 for Christmas last year and I still had not spent it. She passed away last January and this seemed the right thing to do with her gift. A nice, romantic dinner out for our anniversary.
I busted out, yes, are you ready for this?, a little black frilly dress I had bought for a wedding in October 2002. A five year old dress... that fit! Ta-dah! (Might have not been THAT in fashion but who the hell cares? I just had a baby!.... when does that statement expire? Back to the story...)
I made Rob wear a tie. Yes, a tie. "I have to wear a tie?" Yes, Rob, you do. Cause who knows WHEN a chance like this will ever happen again. Because, let's be honest here, the next time we go out it will involve a babysitter who charges over $6/hr. At that rate, our night out will be McDonald's. If you wear a tie there, people will ask you for extra ketchup packets.
So, L showed up 40 minutes before our reservation. I had everything prepared (the emergency phone numbers, the dogs were fed, baby was half-fed). I never did show her where the bathroom was, how to turn down the blasting TV (which, she tolerated the whole time we were gone!), where the baby monitor was (so she wouldn't have to visually check on her every 15 minutes). Oh well, I'm new at this.
All-in-all, she said it went well but she also seemed to run from our house when we got home at 10PM.
Our meal was FABULOUS. Rob and I got drinks at the bar (a whiskey sour and a glass of red wine - cheers! To 4 years!). We then dined al fresco (a little warm but otherwise, a very nice night to be outside). We skipped appetizers in order to save room for dessert. I had scallops in a butter cream sauce with gnocci & zuccini. I. Ate. All. Of. It. Rob had roasted chicken with an alfredo-based mac & cheese. He cleaned his plate, too. Another drink later, we had dessert—three different kinds of sorbet.
"Phew! *hic-cup* What TIME is it? It must be like, 9:30PM!"
Rob checks his cell phone. "Its 8:20."
Wow. This is pathetic.
Me, "We can't go home at 8:30. We just... CAN'T."
Rob and I walk down to the New York Deli (its actually a bar. Its owned by the same peeps who own Cafe Saint. Ex in DC). We belly-up to the bar for a beer and another glass of red wine.
This is really a lot of fun. We, sadly, NEVER DID this when we were baby-free. Everyone TELLS you to go out, date, enjoy it before baby. But, when you are baby-free... you really do NOT know what this sentiment means or how to truly appreciate moments like this. Its like when you were a kid and you really wanted to grow up. Parents would tell you, "Slow down! You'll be an adult before you know it - enjoy it!" And, you never got what the heck they were talking about until (fast-forward 20 years) you are married with a mortgage, a car payment, 2 dogs, a stack of bills and a baby!
So, we had our drinks and decided we could head home.
Home by 10PM. L, leaves and we are alone... tipsy... and the baby's asleep.
Fast-forward 20 minutes, *wink*, and we are out like a light.
A good night indeed!
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
Bye Bye!
I put on my B-cup bra yesterday.
Today, accompanied by the trumpet playing "Taps", we put away the wide array of C-Cups and D-Cups that I collected throughout my pregnancy.
I had been bringing the pump to work and trying to keep up with it before/after work. Little by little, it was all TOO much (this being a very busy time at work while we prepare for the Christmas season in retail)...
So, Evie and I are all formula now.
And you know what? She doesn't care and neither do I.
: )
Today, accompanied by the trumpet playing "Taps", we put away the wide array of C-Cups and D-Cups that I collected throughout my pregnancy.
I had been bringing the pump to work and trying to keep up with it before/after work. Little by little, it was all TOO much (this being a very busy time at work while we prepare for the Christmas season in retail)...
So, Evie and I are all formula now.
And you know what? She doesn't care and neither do I.
: )
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Yes, JC Penney Portraits
Yes. Yes, we did go to JC Penneys today for baby's first official portrait.
Its for the grandparents, really.
OK, so I wanted 3 month shots. Its for me, too.
However, I feel rather redneck with getting "portraits at Penneys!" And, have we really become THOSE people?
Will we send out family Christmas card photos, too? Ok, maybe one day... but I swear it won't be cheesy and done at Penneys. Or Sears. Or Wal-Mart.
We'll get a really nice professional portrait done then.
With matching jeans and white T-shirts for the entire family.
And Rob will be barefoot with a baby on his knee while I look over my family fondly.
JC Penneys allows you the opportunity to share your pictures with friends and family (and they can order prints if they want to, too) for the low additional price of $5.
So, in 7-10 business days, I'll post a link to Evie's first glamour shots.
They really are rather cute and/or funny.
She did pretty well considering she is only 3 months old and having her portrait taken. At the mall. In Penneys. By some chick who had a very strong fondness for making kissy sounds and ringing a cow bell (is it any wondre Eve kept looking away at her and at the wall?).
In the meanwhile, here's a few hits from the other day:
Its for the grandparents, really.
OK, so I wanted 3 month shots. Its for me, too.
However, I feel rather redneck with getting "portraits at Penneys!" And, have we really become THOSE people?
Will we send out family Christmas card photos, too? Ok, maybe one day... but I swear it won't be cheesy and done at Penneys. Or Sears. Or Wal-Mart.
We'll get a really nice professional portrait done then.
With matching jeans and white T-shirts for the entire family.
And Rob will be barefoot with a baby on his knee while I look over my family fondly.
JC Penneys allows you the opportunity to share your pictures with friends and family (and they can order prints if they want to, too) for the low additional price of $5.
So, in 7-10 business days, I'll post a link to Evie's first glamour shots.
They really are rather cute and/or funny.
She did pretty well considering she is only 3 months old and having her portrait taken. At the mall. In Penneys. By some chick who had a very strong fondness for making kissy sounds and ringing a cow bell (is it any wondre Eve kept looking away at her and at the wall?).
In the meanwhile, here's a few hits from the other day:
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Another mark in the "what the hell does this mean?" book...
Evie's taken a liking to her hand lately. We've noticed her drooling a bit over the course of the last week or two. But now, her hand is generally shoved in her mouth... and covered in spit. One tight little ball of a fist wriggling around in her mouth. No whimpering or crying. Sometimes a loud "shluk, shluk, shluk!" sound as she catches air in her sucks. She seems completely sontent when doing it, too. We don't know what this means.
Teething soon?
We thought this universal gesture (hand-in-mouth) meant she was hungry. But, she really is rather bliase about eating an evening bottle or the first bottle of the morning (two times I have noticed this behavior). So, who knows. I did look up my old baby book to see that my mother had written in "Sucking on your hands. Teething?" at almost the same age Evie is now. So, Evie's either normal or like her mother. My 2 bottom teeth came in around 6 months and I had all 4 front teeth by 8 months. They say teething patterns are hereditary...
Evie isn't sleeping well, either. Fits and spurts during the day. She sleeps like a champ at night. Yes, sometimes she has a rough midnight feeding or two but considering the general baby population - I think she is quite good. Last night, half a bottle at 6:30PM/ other half at 8PM. Bath, story-time and bedtime by 8:30PM. She then slept ALL NIGHT until 5 AM. Pretty damned spiffy. Now if she could just wake up at say, 7AM....
Evie is going through something these days. We don't know what, but something. Its funny how you can tell when babies are on the cusp of growing or learning something new or advancing somehow. They can be horribly irritable or inconsolible. Or, like Evie is lately, just plain out-of-sorts. She bops her face again and again with clenched fists and looks horribly tired (she appears frustrated and annoyed with her personal situation sometimes). She whimpers and moans in her sleep during naptime (dreaming?). She's slow to eat and sometimes won't at all. But when you look at her and smile, she's right there with you.
Hmmmm....
Teething soon?
We thought this universal gesture (hand-in-mouth) meant she was hungry. But, she really is rather bliase about eating an evening bottle or the first bottle of the morning (two times I have noticed this behavior). So, who knows. I did look up my old baby book to see that my mother had written in "Sucking on your hands. Teething?" at almost the same age Evie is now. So, Evie's either normal or like her mother. My 2 bottom teeth came in around 6 months and I had all 4 front teeth by 8 months. They say teething patterns are hereditary...
Evie isn't sleeping well, either. Fits and spurts during the day. She sleeps like a champ at night. Yes, sometimes she has a rough midnight feeding or two but considering the general baby population - I think she is quite good. Last night, half a bottle at 6:30PM/ other half at 8PM. Bath, story-time and bedtime by 8:30PM. She then slept ALL NIGHT until 5 AM. Pretty damned spiffy. Now if she could just wake up at say, 7AM....
Evie is going through something these days. We don't know what, but something. Its funny how you can tell when babies are on the cusp of growing or learning something new or advancing somehow. They can be horribly irritable or inconsolible. Or, like Evie is lately, just plain out-of-sorts. She bops her face again and again with clenched fists and looks horribly tired (she appears frustrated and annoyed with her personal situation sometimes). She whimpers and moans in her sleep during naptime (dreaming?). She's slow to eat and sometimes won't at all. But when you look at her and smile, she's right there with you.
Hmmmm....
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Picture Perfect Day
Today was the calm AFTER the storm.
Friday ended up TERRIBLE.
Apparently, Evie began the day with naps but then spent the better part of the day whimpering/fussing and refusing to sleep at all. And Rob, is HORRIBLY sick. Put these two things together - you get disaster. One irritable dad and a cranky kid.
At 4:30PM on Friday, I mistakingly called to see how homelife was after I found out I have MORE work than I thought I had. I had just exited a meeting and was looking at doing some OT to make a 2PM Monday deadline. I'm a little stressed-out, to say the VERY least. I'm rusty at work after having been gone so long coupled with extreme fatigued. All this, and I work for a national (well, technically international) retailer that is approaching the holiday season... its busy times to be had at work!
When I call, Rob is in no mood to deal with baby anymore. I find this all upsetting (I'm getting hit from all angles) and I hang up. And cry. I cry and stare at my cube wall trying not to cry. Which, makes me just want to cry all the harder to just get it all out. Get all the frustration out of my system so I can get over it, buck up and move on. Instead, I'm sitting there with kleenex in sweaty hand... with the trickle effect of silent tears. Dear God, let no one walk by right now.
I do buck up and get working. I held together pretty well and by 5:30PM... I say to hell with it and head home. I end up smiling on my way to my car after trying to make a co-worker laugh at my home-life. I tell him what a mess it is having a new baby at home. I thoroughly enjoy sharing my horror stories with people because, ultimately, it ends up making me act like a comedian with an audience. It cheers me up in the end. It didn't hurt that my co-worker then said I should write a book.
Maybe I should.
So, I get home baby is napping (finally). I take over. I command Rob to go to bed and I'll do everything. Rob is in bed at 8PM and asleep (with lights and TV on) shortly thereafter. I get bottles washed, coffee maker ready, dogs out one last time, house picked up. I eat cold chinese while feeding one last bottle... its 8:00PM. Evie is out by 8:30PM and I crawl into bed at 9:15PM.
Yes. 9:15PM. I haven't gone to bed this early since grade school. And then it wasn't by choice, it was under my mother's force.
Evie does not wake up... are you ready for this? Until 2:50AM. Do the math, people - I had 5.5 hrs of straight sleep.
Evie eagerly sucks down a 5oz bottle in record time. She falls asleep, also, in record time.
I am back in bed by 3:30AM.
Evie wakes up at 6:20AM. I'm not even sure she wanted to be up, either. I think she just wanted a bottle. But, I got her up just the same. I was energized from a whole nights sleep.
Rob slept in and Evie & I were up till 8AM or so.
Then she napped until 10AM. Who-hoo!
I vacuumed the entire house (ok, not our bedroom), washed baby clothes, washed all dog towels/floor rugs, washed bottles... all while she napped & then Rob started to give her a bottle. I showered and went out to get a haircut. I hit a paper store for gift supplies and Target for the baby's prescription.
Its now only 2PM.
Evie had napped again from 11:30AM-2PM and was waking right as I came home. Rob had enjoyed silence in my absence - this is good for him so he could also nap. I gave her a bottle while dad took a break at the coffee shop.
Evie and I later strolled to the coffee shop for a quick hello. She fell asleep coming back home and napped again for 2 hrs. Could this be happening? Dear God, I think it is! Its the perfect freaking day!
Evie then had a dinner bottle - bath and story before crashing out again. (I read her board books but she generally just tries to rub her eyes out of her head while fighting off sleep. I think the books are more for me at this point).
She'll wake again to take a late bottle at 9PM and will hopefully have yet another good night.
I swear. For every 2-3 horrible days... the clouds will lift and give us one fantastic day. Maybe its a sign of her getting into a routine finally. Maybe its due to approaching the situation more relaxed and take it as it comes.
I'm beginning to really and truly live the "day-by-day" way of life. I am trying to live "in the now". Trying to not look too far down the road and what may be. I'm trying to not focus too much on how the day went the day before in determining today's path (yes, I write about it but I really do treat the next day as a whole new possibility). If we have a bad nap... we have a bad nap. We'll try and get back on track as soon as we can. What more can we do at this point. I mean, besides kiss the Gods for smiling and raining down sunshine on our lives these last 24hrs.
With that being said, here's cornball photos from today. (Oh! And Evie sat up unaided in her bebe pod seat. This kid has one strong neck, lemme tell ya).
Looks nothin' like me
Hilarity
Baby loves strollin'
Sittin' up for the first time - alone!
Friday ended up TERRIBLE.
Apparently, Evie began the day with naps but then spent the better part of the day whimpering/fussing and refusing to sleep at all. And Rob, is HORRIBLY sick. Put these two things together - you get disaster. One irritable dad and a cranky kid.
At 4:30PM on Friday, I mistakingly called to see how homelife was after I found out I have MORE work than I thought I had. I had just exited a meeting and was looking at doing some OT to make a 2PM Monday deadline. I'm a little stressed-out, to say the VERY least. I'm rusty at work after having been gone so long coupled with extreme fatigued. All this, and I work for a national (well, technically international) retailer that is approaching the holiday season... its busy times to be had at work!
When I call, Rob is in no mood to deal with baby anymore. I find this all upsetting (I'm getting hit from all angles) and I hang up. And cry. I cry and stare at my cube wall trying not to cry. Which, makes me just want to cry all the harder to just get it all out. Get all the frustration out of my system so I can get over it, buck up and move on. Instead, I'm sitting there with kleenex in sweaty hand... with the trickle effect of silent tears. Dear God, let no one walk by right now.
I do buck up and get working. I held together pretty well and by 5:30PM... I say to hell with it and head home. I end up smiling on my way to my car after trying to make a co-worker laugh at my home-life. I tell him what a mess it is having a new baby at home. I thoroughly enjoy sharing my horror stories with people because, ultimately, it ends up making me act like a comedian with an audience. It cheers me up in the end. It didn't hurt that my co-worker then said I should write a book.
Maybe I should.
So, I get home baby is napping (finally). I take over. I command Rob to go to bed and I'll do everything. Rob is in bed at 8PM and asleep (with lights and TV on) shortly thereafter. I get bottles washed, coffee maker ready, dogs out one last time, house picked up. I eat cold chinese while feeding one last bottle... its 8:00PM. Evie is out by 8:30PM and I crawl into bed at 9:15PM.
Yes. 9:15PM. I haven't gone to bed this early since grade school. And then it wasn't by choice, it was under my mother's force.
Evie does not wake up... are you ready for this? Until 2:50AM. Do the math, people - I had 5.5 hrs of straight sleep.
Evie eagerly sucks down a 5oz bottle in record time. She falls asleep, also, in record time.
I am back in bed by 3:30AM.
Evie wakes up at 6:20AM. I'm not even sure she wanted to be up, either. I think she just wanted a bottle. But, I got her up just the same. I was energized from a whole nights sleep.
Rob slept in and Evie & I were up till 8AM or so.
Then she napped until 10AM. Who-hoo!
I vacuumed the entire house (ok, not our bedroom), washed baby clothes, washed all dog towels/floor rugs, washed bottles... all while she napped & then Rob started to give her a bottle. I showered and went out to get a haircut. I hit a paper store for gift supplies and Target for the baby's prescription.
Its now only 2PM.
Evie had napped again from 11:30AM-2PM and was waking right as I came home. Rob had enjoyed silence in my absence - this is good for him so he could also nap. I gave her a bottle while dad took a break at the coffee shop.
Evie and I later strolled to the coffee shop for a quick hello. She fell asleep coming back home and napped again for 2 hrs. Could this be happening? Dear God, I think it is! Its the perfect freaking day!
Evie then had a dinner bottle - bath and story before crashing out again. (I read her board books but she generally just tries to rub her eyes out of her head while fighting off sleep. I think the books are more for me at this point).
She'll wake again to take a late bottle at 9PM and will hopefully have yet another good night.
I swear. For every 2-3 horrible days... the clouds will lift and give us one fantastic day. Maybe its a sign of her getting into a routine finally. Maybe its due to approaching the situation more relaxed and take it as it comes.
I'm beginning to really and truly live the "day-by-day" way of life. I am trying to live "in the now". Trying to not look too far down the road and what may be. I'm trying to not focus too much on how the day went the day before in determining today's path (yes, I write about it but I really do treat the next day as a whole new possibility). If we have a bad nap... we have a bad nap. We'll try and get back on track as soon as we can. What more can we do at this point. I mean, besides kiss the Gods for smiling and raining down sunshine on our lives these last 24hrs.
With that being said, here's cornball photos from today. (Oh! And Evie sat up unaided in her bebe pod seat. This kid has one strong neck, lemme tell ya).
Looks nothin' like me
Hilarity
Baby loves strollin'
Sittin' up for the first time - alone!
Friday, September 14, 2007
Light at the end of the tunnel
Evie has been woken at 10PM for a "final feeding" for the last 2 weeks. She takes about 2-3oz's in between dozes. The last 3 nights she has woken at 4 or 5AM for her "midnight feeding". Which, got Rob and I thinking... let's wake her up at 9PM to push back that midnight feeding (so we aren't up 1-2 hrs before I get up for work).
Well, yesterday, apparently was an awesome day for dad and baby. She slept and ate great throughout the day (which made me feel relieved). I came home to her waking up for a dinner bottle. I bathed her while Rob grabbed a pizza. I read Evie a book (she feel asleep during it - perfect!) and it was lights out by 6:45PM.
At 8PM, she woke up starving. Gave her a bottle (half breast milk/half formula. No, not mixed together!) and she was out by 8:30PM. Rob and I were thrilled. We still didn't go to bed until late, however (10PM).
At 2AM she woke for a bottle. She unfortunately was WIDE AWAKE and playful until spitting out her pacifier at 4:40AM (I could hear her wriggle and giggle all night. It was rather cute but it kept me up!).
Evie stirred at 6AM but didn't wake until 6:30AM.
Who-hoo!
That's:
Went to bed at 8:30PM. Woke at 2AM. Woke for the day at 6:30AM.
This.... is reason to celebrate. Probably a fluke and/or short-lived but a miracle worth celebrating just the same.
Well, yesterday, apparently was an awesome day for dad and baby. She slept and ate great throughout the day (which made me feel relieved). I came home to her waking up for a dinner bottle. I bathed her while Rob grabbed a pizza. I read Evie a book (she feel asleep during it - perfect!) and it was lights out by 6:45PM.
At 8PM, she woke up starving. Gave her a bottle (half breast milk/half formula. No, not mixed together!) and she was out by 8:30PM. Rob and I were thrilled. We still didn't go to bed until late, however (10PM).
At 2AM she woke for a bottle. She unfortunately was WIDE AWAKE and playful until spitting out her pacifier at 4:40AM (I could hear her wriggle and giggle all night. It was rather cute but it kept me up!).
Evie stirred at 6AM but didn't wake until 6:30AM.
Who-hoo!
That's:
Went to bed at 8:30PM. Woke at 2AM. Woke for the day at 6:30AM.
This.... is reason to celebrate. Probably a fluke and/or short-lived but a miracle worth celebrating just the same.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Baby's first cold
Rob's comicbook partner-n-crime came up from SC this past weekend. He crashed out on our couch Friday night before the two of them headed up to Baltimore for the Baltimore Comic Con (convention). They stayed for one night and came back late Sunday night for one final night on our couch before heading up early Monday morning.
He brought with him - a box of kleenex.
For his cold.
His awful, awful, snotty cold.
He left us with his cold.
His awful, awful,, snotty cold.
I came home after work Monday night to Evie chugging away like a raging rhino. Her breathing sounded like she was about to charge... and she was charging under water. Poor kid. I sucked out 1 mL of snot before feeding her (cause how the hell is she going to breathe AND eat?). She seemed OK with it all. Mom was beginning to understand how mom's feel when their baby is sick.
Tuesday morning. She began throwing up ALL of her feedings and spent the better part of the night before whimpering because (as I think) she was starving. It was horrible. Made me heartbroken.
Rob took her into the doctor. she has a cold. Just a cold. No real cause for alarm (our doctor and nurses seem pretty laidback about many things... I think they know first-time moms beat themselves up plenty without them sending you into a deeper panic). She had a slight fever of 99 but was going to be OK.
Phew!
She already seems a wee bit less snotty. But still warm.
I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. At least its just a little cold.
I think I'll be OK. ;-)
Oh, and she was weighed, too. 12lbs 8oz at 10 weeks old. Man! I knew she was headed to being a chunk-a-chunk but now I have confirmation... she got this from me. I'll have to post my baby photos sometime.
He brought with him - a box of kleenex.
For his cold.
His awful, awful, snotty cold.
He left us with his cold.
His awful, awful,, snotty cold.
I came home after work Monday night to Evie chugging away like a raging rhino. Her breathing sounded like she was about to charge... and she was charging under water. Poor kid. I sucked out 1 mL of snot before feeding her (cause how the hell is she going to breathe AND eat?). She seemed OK with it all. Mom was beginning to understand how mom's feel when their baby is sick.
Tuesday morning. She began throwing up ALL of her feedings and spent the better part of the night before whimpering because (as I think) she was starving. It was horrible. Made me heartbroken.
Rob took her into the doctor. she has a cold. Just a cold. No real cause for alarm (our doctor and nurses seem pretty laidback about many things... I think they know first-time moms beat themselves up plenty without them sending you into a deeper panic). She had a slight fever of 99 but was going to be OK.
Phew!
She already seems a wee bit less snotty. But still warm.
I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. At least its just a little cold.
I think I'll be OK. ;-)
Oh, and she was weighed, too. 12lbs 8oz at 10 weeks old. Man! I knew she was headed to being a chunk-a-chunk but now I have confirmation... she got this from me. I'll have to post my baby photos sometime.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
How to live life as a zombie
Its amazing how you can learn to survive on 3hr sleep cycles... 8hr runs with absolutely no nourishment... upwards of 24hrs with no shower... you can't remember if you brushed your teeth or not... and manage to hold a fulltime job.
I can't believe I officially got hired this week.
I am. A zombie.
I was a fulltime contract worker for almost a year (it would have been 1 year the first week of October). I returned from maternity leave with a fulltime employment offer. Who-hoo! Benefits like "flex time," here I come. Thank God they offered this last week before the sleep deprivation + work kicked into full gear. 'Cause this week,... I'm a basketcase.
With my new employment status I received 2 huge projects both due Monday. Impossible on a good day, I must admit.
I also decided to bring in the pump and see if I can't "try" to keep up with the breast milk + supplementing. After attending a friend's football gathering this past Sunday, I felt HORRIBLE when a Russian mom with her 6 month old said, "So, young to be weened!" when she saw me giving a bottle to Evie. Of course, she had also opted for a homebirth—clearly she deserves more of the mother-of-the-year-award than I do (you all know what I mean be this statement, don't send me comments like I am beating myself up... that statement was not a put-down on myself!). But, she made me feel like crap not by her comment but because I do feel like crap... and it bubbled to the surface after the comment. That, and EVERYONE in my prenatal yoga group is nursing. And they all had babies before me... so I gave in early without even giving it the ole' college try with a pump at the workplace.
So, insane workload + 5/6hr night's sleep (tops!) + stopping to go pump in a small room downstairs + maintaining a home after work = zombie.
I think I'm doing alright. Well, who are we kidding, I feel like I did in high school when we'd all stay up ALL WEEKEND long for prom just to see if we could do it... thus nearly killing ourselves at school the following Monday. You are in such a fog its almost intoxicating. Its almost better than pot (from what I've heard. I'd never touch the stuff...). I feel loopy.
And yet, I really could go for a day/night away to a lodge out in the middle of NO WHERE with no phone, no work and no conversation to be had... just a massage followed by an 18 hr nap.
One lesson I have learned from all this? Never ask people "Are you sleeping through the night?" Its like a gentle reminder than NO... you aren't... and they just did last night.
I can't believe I officially got hired this week.
I am. A zombie.
I was a fulltime contract worker for almost a year (it would have been 1 year the first week of October). I returned from maternity leave with a fulltime employment offer. Who-hoo! Benefits like "flex time," here I come. Thank God they offered this last week before the sleep deprivation + work kicked into full gear. 'Cause this week,... I'm a basketcase.
With my new employment status I received 2 huge projects both due Monday. Impossible on a good day, I must admit.
I also decided to bring in the pump and see if I can't "try" to keep up with the breast milk + supplementing. After attending a friend's football gathering this past Sunday, I felt HORRIBLE when a Russian mom with her 6 month old said, "So, young to be weened!" when she saw me giving a bottle to Evie. Of course, she had also opted for a homebirth—clearly she deserves more of the mother-of-the-year-award than I do (you all know what I mean be this statement, don't send me comments like I am beating myself up... that statement was not a put-down on myself!). But, she made me feel like crap not by her comment but because I do feel like crap... and it bubbled to the surface after the comment. That, and EVERYONE in my prenatal yoga group is nursing. And they all had babies before me... so I gave in early without even giving it the ole' college try with a pump at the workplace.
So, insane workload + 5/6hr night's sleep (tops!) + stopping to go pump in a small room downstairs + maintaining a home after work = zombie.
I think I'm doing alright. Well, who are we kidding, I feel like I did in high school when we'd all stay up ALL WEEKEND long for prom just to see if we could do it... thus nearly killing ourselves at school the following Monday. You are in such a fog its almost intoxicating. Its almost better than pot (from what I've heard. I'd never touch the stuff...). I feel loopy.
And yet, I really could go for a day/night away to a lodge out in the middle of NO WHERE with no phone, no work and no conversation to be had... just a massage followed by an 18 hr nap.
One lesson I have learned from all this? Never ask people "Are you sleeping through the night?" Its like a gentle reminder than NO... you aren't... and they just did last night.
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Prenatal Yoga Group Reunion
I took Prenatal Yoga classes from the first of the new year (first week of January 2007) through June... I think it was about 16weeks in all. During that time, the group of girls really got to know what another. We were lucky, in that, all of us were new and due about the same time when classes began in January after the instructor had part of December off on holiday. I was the one due second-to-last (July 10th) with most of the girls due in May.
One by one the girls would stop coming to class and someone would have heard they had a boy or girl. Eventually we created an email list so we could send out "baby alerts" when we had our baby. It was pretty awesome to get a nearly weekly email of mom + baby. It was my ray of sunshine in my inbox, "there is a light at the end of the tunnel!"
Two girls sent out an email suggesting we meet at the local coffee shop with babies in tow. The turn out was great (3 moms are missing in this reunion shot). To see one another slimmed down was pretty wild. To see what their babies looked like after watching them get bigger and bigger all those weeks... was really cool. This group was one of the highlights of my pregnancy.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Back to Work - Day Three
Well, its not so bad. For me. Poor Rob.
Day 1: Baby goes to bed the night before a little late and we hit the bed by 11PM. Rob takes the 2:30/3AM feeding (which, take about an hour with feeding, burping and changing poopy diaper). Baby wakes up early than anticipated - 6AM. I get up to nurse and I'm feeling pretty good. I have plenty of time to get ready and even find 15 minutes to eat breakfast while playing with Evie so Rob can shower. I tear up with the kiss good-bye and its off I go.
Work is a lot of talking and no real work.
I go out to lunch with 2 co-workers. I leave at 5PM and don't make it home in time for the evening nursing (have to pump). Its a little hectic and Rob... looks ravaged. I do 2 loads of laundry, we eat the casserole I made the night before for just this occasion, and I clean up little messes throughout the house while Rob naps for an hour.
Evie goes down around 10:30PM or so. I offer to take the midnight shift - I have energy!
The midnight shift hits around 2:30AM and... begins well. After 4oz with no burps... she pukes ALL of it up. It rolls all down her... all over me... and we are a total mess. I have to change her (and clean her up-its all over her hair even). I strip down. I try to give her the last ounce so she at least has something in her system. I do sink laundry and leave the bathroom draped in wet, puky clothing. I get back to be by 3:45AM.
Day 2: After 2 hrs and 15 minutes, its 6AM and Evie is awake. I'm... not. I go and grab her to nurse and I am no longer energized after my night last night. Rob wakes up to join us and I move on to getting ready. I still find 15 minutes to eat a bagel while Rob showers. I head out and get to work maybe 5 minutes late.
I call Rob at noon and Evie has been up since I left. He hasn't eaten yet. The train is beginning to derail...
There's nothing to eat at home (that's convenient or fast). I leave work at 2PM to do grocery shopping. I lug it all back to the office and stuff into the corporate fridge. I eat a $1 frozen entree... I'm not even hungry.
I leave at 4:45PM hoping to make it home in time to either nurse or relieve Rob. I do neither. I get there at 5PM and there's really nothing I can do to help out. Rob sprints for the door to go to the coffee shop - sanity break. I nurse Evie a little and she is in/out fussy till 8:30PM (when Rob gives her a few more ounces). Maybe she was just hungry ALL DAY hence the non-stop fussing and no napping. I pump late but still manage to do a load of laundry (the puky clothing from the night before), vacuum the dining room, run the dishwasher and pick things up.
Evie goes down by 10:30PM and we crash not too soon after. I don't think I kissed Rob hello or good-night.
Rob takes the midnight shift since I am a bitch from no sleep and he's much better at it then me. She wakes up at 4AM.
Day 3: I lay awake at 6AM. Silence. Alarm goes off at 6:30AM. Still, silence so I hit snooze. I get up at 6:40AM to pump (why wake the baby?). Evie wakes up while I am pumping. I finish and get her up at 7AM. We eat... and poop... its 7:15AM and I have an hour to get out of this house. I wake Rob to have him finish the bottle. I never even feed this kid anymore. This, is beginning to suck. Evie lights up with dad. She smiles with me, but I think she is just being polite to this complete stranger.
I do a load of baby things for Rob. I get ready (I'm going to work with wet hair). I make a sandwhich for lunch but cmpletely forget about eating breakfast... at least I remembered to brush my teeth. There's no time for Rob to shower and I leave him in my wake as I get in my car at 8:30AM. I should be at work now.
Only 3 days for the whole routine to crumble. Not bad.
Day 1: Baby goes to bed the night before a little late and we hit the bed by 11PM. Rob takes the 2:30/3AM feeding (which, take about an hour with feeding, burping and changing poopy diaper). Baby wakes up early than anticipated - 6AM. I get up to nurse and I'm feeling pretty good. I have plenty of time to get ready and even find 15 minutes to eat breakfast while playing with Evie so Rob can shower. I tear up with the kiss good-bye and its off I go.
Work is a lot of talking and no real work.
I go out to lunch with 2 co-workers. I leave at 5PM and don't make it home in time for the evening nursing (have to pump). Its a little hectic and Rob... looks ravaged. I do 2 loads of laundry, we eat the casserole I made the night before for just this occasion, and I clean up little messes throughout the house while Rob naps for an hour.
Evie goes down around 10:30PM or so. I offer to take the midnight shift - I have energy!
The midnight shift hits around 2:30AM and... begins well. After 4oz with no burps... she pukes ALL of it up. It rolls all down her... all over me... and we are a total mess. I have to change her (and clean her up-its all over her hair even). I strip down. I try to give her the last ounce so she at least has something in her system. I do sink laundry and leave the bathroom draped in wet, puky clothing. I get back to be by 3:45AM.
Day 2: After 2 hrs and 15 minutes, its 6AM and Evie is awake. I'm... not. I go and grab her to nurse and I am no longer energized after my night last night. Rob wakes up to join us and I move on to getting ready. I still find 15 minutes to eat a bagel while Rob showers. I head out and get to work maybe 5 minutes late.
I call Rob at noon and Evie has been up since I left. He hasn't eaten yet. The train is beginning to derail...
There's nothing to eat at home (that's convenient or fast). I leave work at 2PM to do grocery shopping. I lug it all back to the office and stuff into the corporate fridge. I eat a $1 frozen entree... I'm not even hungry.
I leave at 4:45PM hoping to make it home in time to either nurse or relieve Rob. I do neither. I get there at 5PM and there's really nothing I can do to help out. Rob sprints for the door to go to the coffee shop - sanity break. I nurse Evie a little and she is in/out fussy till 8:30PM (when Rob gives her a few more ounces). Maybe she was just hungry ALL DAY hence the non-stop fussing and no napping. I pump late but still manage to do a load of laundry (the puky clothing from the night before), vacuum the dining room, run the dishwasher and pick things up.
Evie goes down by 10:30PM and we crash not too soon after. I don't think I kissed Rob hello or good-night.
Rob takes the midnight shift since I am a bitch from no sleep and he's much better at it then me. She wakes up at 4AM.
Day 3: I lay awake at 6AM. Silence. Alarm goes off at 6:30AM. Still, silence so I hit snooze. I get up at 6:40AM to pump (why wake the baby?). Evie wakes up while I am pumping. I finish and get her up at 7AM. We eat... and poop... its 7:15AM and I have an hour to get out of this house. I wake Rob to have him finish the bottle. I never even feed this kid anymore. This, is beginning to suck. Evie lights up with dad. She smiles with me, but I think she is just being polite to this complete stranger.
I do a load of baby things for Rob. I get ready (I'm going to work with wet hair). I make a sandwhich for lunch but cmpletely forget about eating breakfast... at least I remembered to brush my teeth. There's no time for Rob to shower and I leave him in my wake as I get in my car at 8:30AM. I should be at work now.
Only 3 days for the whole routine to crumble. Not bad.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Hi ho, Hi ho, Its off to work I go...
Let's just admit it. I would make a terrible stay-at-home parent. I completely lack the self-discipline to get up on time, to take a shower like a normal human being, to eat breakfast, to brush my teeth... to basically get an organized day together outside of the routine structure that the office environment facilitates.
Hell, just yesterday I finally got around to bathing myself at 3PM and brushing my teeth for the first time that day.
*sigh*
Yes, I would not be very good at being left home alone. People would anticipate me to have Evie up and washed... dressed and ready to greet the day. I would need to go to the grocery store and make meals. I would clean the house regularly with a plastered smile on my face and get to know the mailman on a first name basis.
The last time I had this kind of airy freedom was when I was unemployed and Rob & I had just mved in together. I did side jobs and freelance work while collecting unemployment. My endeavors began with great intentions but slowly... I became a dirty drunk by 3PM. Daily. And this rapid decline happened within 4 months time. I would promise Rob that I'd be showered by lunch and dinner would be on the table when he returned from work. What he came home to instead, was me blathering on endlessly (buzzed) with a margarita on the rocks and still wearing my pajamas.
The funny thing is, I'm the responsible one.
I crave structure. I need schedules and deadlines. I only function and operate when there is a deadline that must be met. A goal. Something to achieve by a certain expected place and time. The freeform lifestyle of a stay-at-home mom? I would fall apart.
So, today was my very last day on maternity leave. And it was, perfect. The kind of perfect like the last day before you put the family pet down. The one where Sparky suddenly seems youthful & happy... where you begin to wonder, "Maybe we shouldn't be putting him down? Maybe he is OK and the cancer/old age/arthritis isn't that bad. Maybe I am making the wrong choice and rushing into things..." And then you go ahead with it all... regretting it for a few days... maybe a few weeks... until you slowly begin to replay the last weeks of Sparky's life, realizing, you made the right decision afterall.
OK, maybe a bad analogy. But going back to work can seem like this horrible decision when you leave behind the baby. Let's be honest, I started my job at CC on October 3rd. I got pregnant that month and took the pee stick test on November 9th confirming my pregnancy. Since my period started on Ocober 2nd... I have, technically, always had Evie with me at work. And, being home with her these last 9 weeks, is a hard thing to leave behind. I will be, essentially, going to work alone for the first time. In a long time.
*sigh*
Well, the boys are over doing Fantasy Football so I must sign off for the night. Apparently, I am the one gumming up the works with the internet.
I bid you adieu and please, wish me luck.
I'll be driving to work tomorrow... with kleenex in hand.
Hell, just yesterday I finally got around to bathing myself at 3PM and brushing my teeth for the first time that day.
*sigh*
Yes, I would not be very good at being left home alone. People would anticipate me to have Evie up and washed... dressed and ready to greet the day. I would need to go to the grocery store and make meals. I would clean the house regularly with a plastered smile on my face and get to know the mailman on a first name basis.
The last time I had this kind of airy freedom was when I was unemployed and Rob & I had just mved in together. I did side jobs and freelance work while collecting unemployment. My endeavors began with great intentions but slowly... I became a dirty drunk by 3PM. Daily. And this rapid decline happened within 4 months time. I would promise Rob that I'd be showered by lunch and dinner would be on the table when he returned from work. What he came home to instead, was me blathering on endlessly (buzzed) with a margarita on the rocks and still wearing my pajamas.
The funny thing is, I'm the responsible one.
I crave structure. I need schedules and deadlines. I only function and operate when there is a deadline that must be met. A goal. Something to achieve by a certain expected place and time. The freeform lifestyle of a stay-at-home mom? I would fall apart.
So, today was my very last day on maternity leave. And it was, perfect. The kind of perfect like the last day before you put the family pet down. The one where Sparky suddenly seems youthful & happy... where you begin to wonder, "Maybe we shouldn't be putting him down? Maybe he is OK and the cancer/old age/arthritis isn't that bad. Maybe I am making the wrong choice and rushing into things..." And then you go ahead with it all... regretting it for a few days... maybe a few weeks... until you slowly begin to replay the last weeks of Sparky's life, realizing, you made the right decision afterall.
OK, maybe a bad analogy. But going back to work can seem like this horrible decision when you leave behind the baby. Let's be honest, I started my job at CC on October 3rd. I got pregnant that month and took the pee stick test on November 9th confirming my pregnancy. Since my period started on Ocober 2nd... I have, technically, always had Evie with me at work. And, being home with her these last 9 weeks, is a hard thing to leave behind. I will be, essentially, going to work alone for the first time. In a long time.
*sigh*
Well, the boys are over doing Fantasy Football so I must sign off for the night. Apparently, I am the one gumming up the works with the internet.
I bid you adieu and please, wish me luck.
I'll be driving to work tomorrow... with kleenex in hand.
Two months old
Evie smiles a lot now. Of course, not so much when I whip out the camera to capture the moment.
She's very observant and contemplative at times. Today, she was entertained in her Baby Einstein Activity Gym. This is all relatively new behavior... in just the last 2 or 3 days, really. She's begun to noticed the light up/musical star. She stared and silently giggled in response. Then she waited for it to go off again. This was both an exciting and not-so-exciting milestone for me. Exciting because she is really learning and growing up—able to understand things and beginning to attentively watch things/anticipate them. Not-so-exciting because this only marks the beginning to the endless sing-song toys she will want to play over, and over, ...and over again.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Evie-Peevy, Ivy and Sloane
L to R: Sloane, Evie and Ivy (w/coordinating moms).Kent, OH stopped by en route to the Outer Banks for the week (lucky!). The men beelined for the beers and the backyard while the women tended to the children inside. It was magical in an early 1900's reunion sort of way.
House Full 'o' Babies is fun, fast and LOUD! Phew! Aren't they all so cute?
Hallelujah!
OK, I'm going to jinx this PURELY because I am going to boost about how fantastic yesterday/last night was.
Rob and I have had many discussions as to what the best approach is when it comes to getting Evie on a nighttime sleep schedule. Forcing her to wake up and eat was not truly working since it left us with feedings like 5AM-5:30AM... nap for 15 minutes... fuss until 6:30AM wanting another feeding. We were fighting a biological clock. If only we could reason with Evie. But, when can one ever reason with a baby? I still can't reason with my parents—but that's another story for another day.
Yesterday Evie ate at 5:30PM (she usually likes to eat at 6PM). Then again at 9PM (and hey! We didn't wake her for it - she did that on her own). She fussed a long bit before crashing at 10:30PM. Then, get this, 3AM is wake-up for her next feeding. Can you do the math? That's a 6 hr run in between feedings! THAT, my non-child havin' friends, is what the medical community refers to as "sleeping through the night". Fuck yeah.
So, Rob slept from 11PM until 6AM and I slept from 11PM-3AM & 4AM-7AM. For once, I think I'm tired from too much slept. I'm used to operating on 4 hr nights lately. Hell, I was wide awake at 3AM.
Life goals and life needs really do change when you have kids.
Rob and I have had many discussions as to what the best approach is when it comes to getting Evie on a nighttime sleep schedule. Forcing her to wake up and eat was not truly working since it left us with feedings like 5AM-5:30AM... nap for 15 minutes... fuss until 6:30AM wanting another feeding. We were fighting a biological clock. If only we could reason with Evie. But, when can one ever reason with a baby? I still can't reason with my parents—but that's another story for another day.
Yesterday Evie ate at 5:30PM (she usually likes to eat at 6PM). Then again at 9PM (and hey! We didn't wake her for it - she did that on her own). She fussed a long bit before crashing at 10:30PM. Then, get this, 3AM is wake-up for her next feeding. Can you do the math? That's a 6 hr run in between feedings! THAT, my non-child havin' friends, is what the medical community refers to as "sleeping through the night". Fuck yeah.
So, Rob slept from 11PM until 6AM and I slept from 11PM-3AM & 4AM-7AM. For once, I think I'm tired from too much slept. I'm used to operating on 4 hr nights lately. Hell, I was wide awake at 3AM.
Life goals and life needs really do change when you have kids.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
It's... wonderful.
Parenthood, that is.
For every blissful day, there are 3 sleepless nights leaving mom and dad d-r-a-g-g-i-n-g.
Yesterday we went to the Science Museum (located right here in Richmond). I brought the camera but didn't take any photos 'cause, frankly, it sucked. When you live in the state capital... which is located right next to our nation's capital... you notice that people just don't bother to put anything cool in your city. Cool bands, exciting events, amazing museums and traveling shows always hit DC over Richmond. Its only 100 miles north of us. Its sad, too, because our Science Museum is located in the main train station from the very early 1900's—a very cool building. But the poor graphics, hand-me-down displays, outdated tutorials and dim lighting made me feel like we attended someone's basement hobby. I dragged Rob & Evie through every inch of that place for over 2hrs for two reasons: to ensure I never bother to attend again after seeing it all during this trip and to STAY OUT OF THE HOUSE! I'm so housebound...
We are trying to switch up Evie's sleep cycle to more closely match those of a HUMAN BEING and not a BAT. After aggressively waking & keeping her awake the day before yesterday... we left ourselves with a real hodge-podge feeding schedule (yes, hodge-podge). So, the morning before the museum I think she ate every 2-3 hours instead of her old every 4 hr routine. Getting out of the house with her fed, happy and alert was virtually impossible. So, we settled for fed and happy. When we got to the museum, she was in and out of sleep the whole time. Evie was not happy with this at all.
Evie was so unhappy with our manipulations that it resulted in her crying regularly all evening long. She couldn't be consoled. She would eagerly take the pacifier to soothe herself, roll her eyes back into her head and then drop the pacifier within 10 minutes... crying. What does one do in this instance?
After we each had a beer and dad moved onto mixed drinks, I tried nursing her (yes, I waited 2 hrs before nursing). The problem with the nursing/formula feedings that I am doing is that I have NO IDEA what she is getting when nursing. Within the hour, she was acting hungry again. She took maybe 2-3 oz more of formula after fussing for more to eat. She was challenging to get down but finally crashed out by 7PM. BUT, we had to wake her at 9PM to keep up with getting her on our sleep schedule. One that doesn't leave mom feeling like a zombie bitch and one that doesn't leave dad throwing things while contemplating if he really does want to be a "family man".
Evie had nothing to do with being up at 9PM. A forced 2.5oz later, she went down. Hell, she was never up and ate in her sleep if you ask me.
She is SUPPOSED to then wake between 1-2AM, eat, and then wake up at 6:30AM to be nursed.
She ACTUALLY woke at 1AM, ate, and then woke up at 4AM. We pulled her into bed with us and tried to coax her back to sleep. Around 5:30AM, Rob was about to walk out on us. Walk out on me for being so pig-headed as to try to get a schedule to adhere and walk out on Evie for the consistent grumbling, kicking and gurgling (she tends to grunt the last few hours of the night. She isn't quite awake but probably wants to be. She tends to leave her eyes tightly shut and just kind of squirms until we pick her up signaling its time to get up. She's done this since birth). I stomp my feet into the kitchen to make a bottle of formula (keep in mind, I have always nursed at 6:30AM). I feed her lying down in bed and she sucks down 5oz. I burp her—nothing. I lay her down and *brap!*, she gets sick all over. Now we are really going to scream. In fact, I do have a meltdown.
Dad takes baby to change her while I huff in circles around the house. I want to go back to bed and yet don't want to dump all this on Rob. Then again, I do want to dump all this on him cause I can't handle it this morning.
Rob picks her up to put her down again. *brap!*, all over herself AND him.
*Fwap!*, Rob throws his shirt against the wall and begins to change her outfit again. I get up to do laundry... trying to "help".
We realize she is just up for the day and Rob goes in the living room to watch TV with her. Its 6AM.
I lie in bed unable to sleep from shear exhaustion coupled with a hot brain.
Around 7:15AM I hear her crying. She had fallen asleep but was up again.
I get up to pump (cause I didn't get to nurse at 6:30AM. 4oz, not bad. Maybe I can occasionally still supplement formula with breastmilk afterall. I'm thinking of this as the equivalent of a $5 coupon off a can of formula). Evie is having nothing to do with sleeping. She had fallen asleep on Rob's chest but was now up, again. We tried laying her in her crib from 7:30-8:15AM. She wanted to sleep - she is so tired. But would spit out the pacifier and wail. I finally went in to rock her to sleep. It was difficult but finally worked. She cried again at 9AM. What. the. hell?!.
Rob warms a bottle cause we do not know what else to do. I get her medication ready and we go in their armed to find out what she needs. Get this, she's out cold.
*sigh*
Half hour later, up again! I feed her the medicine and 5oz bottle. We then play before bathing her at 11AM... cause now I am noticing she is developing excema on her one cheek and is rubbing it feverishly. The pediatrician tells me to keep it clean and free of oils (I had just finished putting baby oil all over her face before I call the doctor, hence the 11AM bathtime).
One bath and 1 hr nap later... she's up! We don't know what the hell to do. Feed her? Why not! 3 oz later and she is wanting nothing more to eat and is awake.
Why do I feel like she is newborn ALL OVER AGAIN?
For every blissful day, there are 3 sleepless nights leaving mom and dad d-r-a-g-g-i-n-g.
Yesterday we went to the Science Museum (located right here in Richmond). I brought the camera but didn't take any photos 'cause, frankly, it sucked. When you live in the state capital... which is located right next to our nation's capital... you notice that people just don't bother to put anything cool in your city. Cool bands, exciting events, amazing museums and traveling shows always hit DC over Richmond. Its only 100 miles north of us. Its sad, too, because our Science Museum is located in the main train station from the very early 1900's—a very cool building. But the poor graphics, hand-me-down displays, outdated tutorials and dim lighting made me feel like we attended someone's basement hobby. I dragged Rob & Evie through every inch of that place for over 2hrs for two reasons: to ensure I never bother to attend again after seeing it all during this trip and to STAY OUT OF THE HOUSE! I'm so housebound...
We are trying to switch up Evie's sleep cycle to more closely match those of a HUMAN BEING and not a BAT. After aggressively waking & keeping her awake the day before yesterday... we left ourselves with a real hodge-podge feeding schedule (yes, hodge-podge). So, the morning before the museum I think she ate every 2-3 hours instead of her old every 4 hr routine. Getting out of the house with her fed, happy and alert was virtually impossible. So, we settled for fed and happy. When we got to the museum, she was in and out of sleep the whole time. Evie was not happy with this at all.
Evie was so unhappy with our manipulations that it resulted in her crying regularly all evening long. She couldn't be consoled. She would eagerly take the pacifier to soothe herself, roll her eyes back into her head and then drop the pacifier within 10 minutes... crying. What does one do in this instance?
After we each had a beer and dad moved onto mixed drinks, I tried nursing her (yes, I waited 2 hrs before nursing). The problem with the nursing/formula feedings that I am doing is that I have NO IDEA what she is getting when nursing. Within the hour, she was acting hungry again. She took maybe 2-3 oz more of formula after fussing for more to eat. She was challenging to get down but finally crashed out by 7PM. BUT, we had to wake her at 9PM to keep up with getting her on our sleep schedule. One that doesn't leave mom feeling like a zombie bitch and one that doesn't leave dad throwing things while contemplating if he really does want to be a "family man".
Evie had nothing to do with being up at 9PM. A forced 2.5oz later, she went down. Hell, she was never up and ate in her sleep if you ask me.
She is SUPPOSED to then wake between 1-2AM, eat, and then wake up at 6:30AM to be nursed.
She ACTUALLY woke at 1AM, ate, and then woke up at 4AM. We pulled her into bed with us and tried to coax her back to sleep. Around 5:30AM, Rob was about to walk out on us. Walk out on me for being so pig-headed as to try to get a schedule to adhere and walk out on Evie for the consistent grumbling, kicking and gurgling (she tends to grunt the last few hours of the night. She isn't quite awake but probably wants to be. She tends to leave her eyes tightly shut and just kind of squirms until we pick her up signaling its time to get up. She's done this since birth). I stomp my feet into the kitchen to make a bottle of formula (keep in mind, I have always nursed at 6:30AM). I feed her lying down in bed and she sucks down 5oz. I burp her—nothing. I lay her down and *brap!*, she gets sick all over. Now we are really going to scream. In fact, I do have a meltdown.
Dad takes baby to change her while I huff in circles around the house. I want to go back to bed and yet don't want to dump all this on Rob. Then again, I do want to dump all this on him cause I can't handle it this morning.
Rob picks her up to put her down again. *brap!*, all over herself AND him.
*Fwap!*, Rob throws his shirt against the wall and begins to change her outfit again. I get up to do laundry... trying to "help".
We realize she is just up for the day and Rob goes in the living room to watch TV with her. Its 6AM.
I lie in bed unable to sleep from shear exhaustion coupled with a hot brain.
Around 7:15AM I hear her crying. She had fallen asleep but was up again.
I get up to pump (cause I didn't get to nurse at 6:30AM. 4oz, not bad. Maybe I can occasionally still supplement formula with breastmilk afterall. I'm thinking of this as the equivalent of a $5 coupon off a can of formula). Evie is having nothing to do with sleeping. She had fallen asleep on Rob's chest but was now up, again. We tried laying her in her crib from 7:30-8:15AM. She wanted to sleep - she is so tired. But would spit out the pacifier and wail. I finally went in to rock her to sleep. It was difficult but finally worked. She cried again at 9AM. What. the. hell?!.
Rob warms a bottle cause we do not know what else to do. I get her medication ready and we go in their armed to find out what she needs. Get this, she's out cold.
*sigh*
Half hour later, up again! I feed her the medicine and 5oz bottle. We then play before bathing her at 11AM... cause now I am noticing she is developing excema on her one cheek and is rubbing it feverishly. The pediatrician tells me to keep it clean and free of oils (I had just finished putting baby oil all over her face before I call the doctor, hence the 11AM bathtime).
One bath and 1 hr nap later... she's up! We don't know what the hell to do. Feed her? Why not! 3 oz later and she is wanting nothing more to eat and is awake.
Why do I feel like she is newborn ALL OVER AGAIN?
Monday, August 27, 2007
8 weeks
Dear Evie,
Phew! 2 months (well, 8 weeks. You'll "offically" be 2 months in another week. Let's not get ahead of ourselves...) have flown by.
I have been working on your baby book little by little these last few weeks 'cause, let's be honest, it will never be touched once I return to work. I was entering in some details about the "things you do" at 1 month old... and I have already forgotten. My mind is cloudy - I am in a babyland fog. I can't remember when you did what or why we came up with the nickname "birdie" for you (its becuase you made chirping sounds all the time but I can't for the life of me remember wht they sounded like).
I find this forgetfulness funny and sad. Its all moving so quickly and my foggy brain is trying to protect me for realizing just how fast it is all going.
Evie getting ready to go to grandma/pa's house. 6.5 weeks.
Besides the obvious milestones you have accomplished at this point—you have succeeded in many other things worth mentioning.
First off, you are quickly becoming the chunka-chunk your mom was when she was a baby. Topping the scales at 10lbs/14oz's at last check up (Friday)... you started at a humble 7lbs/5oz's just 8 little weeks ago. You dropped a pound at first but rebounded a nearly 5lb gain in 2 months time. Holy. Moly. One would think you grew a lot during this time to justify such weight gain. Not really. You grew 2.5 inches. A modest sum.
You outgrew the cute hand-me-down onesies Duncan passed your way. No longer in the "newborn" category, you are able to wear the occasional 3-6 month variety. Yes, you are still in your 0-3 month onesies - you aren't that huge... but I am really surprised how one day it fits and the next day it doesn't. If only adult girls would relish in the joy of moving up sizes as rapidly as you are.
Grandpa and Evie You started sleeping long stretches of time when we went to visit grandma/pa last weekend. Mom and dad even got a chance to get out and watch a movie together —first time we have left you anywhere. It was a perfect weekend, really. Then we drove home (a bit of a hellish drive with filthy bathrooms to change your poopy diaper & trying to warm a bottle that ended up not being enough for you to eat). The night we got home was filled with endless crying (from all of us) as we wanted to return to the grandparent's house where everything was delightfully wonderful for 3 days.
Your long stretches of sleep slowly became long stretches of afternoon till midnight stretches. Then you'd wake up at 12AM, 3AM, 5 AM and 7 AM. As for the time in between; you would fuss for over an hour constantly dropping your pacifier. It was a rather brutal week last week. By this past weekend, after seeing the pediatrician on Friday, I decided to start waking you up (everyone keeps telling me to not wake a sleeping baby but won't tell me why) and to keep you up as long as I can during the day. It seems to be working... but I can't get you to sleep those 5 hr stretches at all anymore. It would be so wondeful if you only had 1 night feeding, but 2 isn't so bad I s'pose. Its the 10 minute cycles of fussing for your pacifier all-night-long that kills me anyway.
You went to the auto dealer with us last week and you were an angel. You hung out with daddy for hours while he fed you a bottle and then drove you around till you slept. We all slept great that night. We were all drunk with the exhaustion of negotiating all day long I guess. Maybe we need to go out and make asset draining purchases more regularly so we can all have great nights of sleep. In any case, your car seat fits in the new Jeep wonderfully and mom no longer slams her head into your car seat handle trying to fit you in & out a tight space. Its magical.
You've been mastering the silent smile these last few weeks. You open this big gappy mouth of yours in reaction to our smiles. It really DOES... melt my heart. You make this quiet breathy sound when you open your mouth, too. Its really so cute. The whole room was silent when you first did it one morning and I... was.. hooked. I keep trying to capture it on camera (a quick movie) but you give me blank stares when I put this shiny metal box into your face and then the moment is gone. I hope I never forget it if I can't capture it.
Evie discovering her gym You don't quite "play" yet. You enjoy watching. You are better at sitting on my lap and simply observing for longer & longer stretches of time. You did "see" yourself in the mirror of your activity gym 2 days ago and instantly shined. You're getting there. We just have to remember to teach you HOW to play. We are starting to pull things out each day to see what you enjoy. So far, it isn't much or for very long.
Today I tried to soak all of you in. I really tried playing my heart out with you and I held you longer than I have in awhile. You feel asleep in my arms while at a coffee shop and you feel asleep in the sling/carrier before dinner. I gave you a bath and sucked in the smell of your head after daddy calmed you down (you HATE baths). After your doctor mentioned the many things you are going to accomplish in just 8 more weeks... I am trying to slow this train down and thoroughly enjoy the things you do today (yes, even the yucky stuff like fussing or the boring stuff like staring at ceiling fans. What's with that, anyway?). Someday soon you will be a little toddler and all these baby "annoyances" will have disappeared. You'll be wanting to explore and crawl/walk away from me. You'll make huge baby food messes and you'll drool on everything. Today's mishaps will seem like a walk in the park then. I need to hold you tight now while I can before you want to kick off and play like I taught you how to do. Good thing you are teaching me... how to slow down.
Love, Mom
Phew! 2 months (well, 8 weeks. You'll "offically" be 2 months in another week. Let's not get ahead of ourselves...) have flown by.
I have been working on your baby book little by little these last few weeks 'cause, let's be honest, it will never be touched once I return to work. I was entering in some details about the "things you do" at 1 month old... and I have already forgotten. My mind is cloudy - I am in a babyland fog. I can't remember when you did what or why we came up with the nickname "birdie" for you (its becuase you made chirping sounds all the time but I can't for the life of me remember wht they sounded like).
I find this forgetfulness funny and sad. Its all moving so quickly and my foggy brain is trying to protect me for realizing just how fast it is all going.
Evie getting ready to go to grandma/pa's house. 6.5 weeks.Besides the obvious milestones you have accomplished at this point—you have succeeded in many other things worth mentioning.
First off, you are quickly becoming the chunka-chunk your mom was when she was a baby. Topping the scales at 10lbs/14oz's at last check up (Friday)... you started at a humble 7lbs/5oz's just 8 little weeks ago. You dropped a pound at first but rebounded a nearly 5lb gain in 2 months time. Holy. Moly. One would think you grew a lot during this time to justify such weight gain. Not really. You grew 2.5 inches. A modest sum.
You outgrew the cute hand-me-down onesies Duncan passed your way. No longer in the "newborn" category, you are able to wear the occasional 3-6 month variety. Yes, you are still in your 0-3 month onesies - you aren't that huge... but I am really surprised how one day it fits and the next day it doesn't. If only adult girls would relish in the joy of moving up sizes as rapidly as you are.
Grandpa and Evie You started sleeping long stretches of time when we went to visit grandma/pa last weekend. Mom and dad even got a chance to get out and watch a movie together —first time we have left you anywhere. It was a perfect weekend, really. Then we drove home (a bit of a hellish drive with filthy bathrooms to change your poopy diaper & trying to warm a bottle that ended up not being enough for you to eat). The night we got home was filled with endless crying (from all of us) as we wanted to return to the grandparent's house where everything was delightfully wonderful for 3 days.Your long stretches of sleep slowly became long stretches of afternoon till midnight stretches. Then you'd wake up at 12AM, 3AM, 5 AM and 7 AM. As for the time in between; you would fuss for over an hour constantly dropping your pacifier. It was a rather brutal week last week. By this past weekend, after seeing the pediatrician on Friday, I decided to start waking you up (everyone keeps telling me to not wake a sleeping baby but won't tell me why) and to keep you up as long as I can during the day. It seems to be working... but I can't get you to sleep those 5 hr stretches at all anymore. It would be so wondeful if you only had 1 night feeding, but 2 isn't so bad I s'pose. Its the 10 minute cycles of fussing for your pacifier all-night-long that kills me anyway.
You went to the auto dealer with us last week and you were an angel. You hung out with daddy for hours while he fed you a bottle and then drove you around till you slept. We all slept great that night. We were all drunk with the exhaustion of negotiating all day long I guess. Maybe we need to go out and make asset draining purchases more regularly so we can all have great nights of sleep. In any case, your car seat fits in the new Jeep wonderfully and mom no longer slams her head into your car seat handle trying to fit you in & out a tight space. Its magical.
You've been mastering the silent smile these last few weeks. You open this big gappy mouth of yours in reaction to our smiles. It really DOES... melt my heart. You make this quiet breathy sound when you open your mouth, too. Its really so cute. The whole room was silent when you first did it one morning and I... was.. hooked. I keep trying to capture it on camera (a quick movie) but you give me blank stares when I put this shiny metal box into your face and then the moment is gone. I hope I never forget it if I can't capture it.
Evie discovering her gym You don't quite "play" yet. You enjoy watching. You are better at sitting on my lap and simply observing for longer & longer stretches of time. You did "see" yourself in the mirror of your activity gym 2 days ago and instantly shined. You're getting there. We just have to remember to teach you HOW to play. We are starting to pull things out each day to see what you enjoy. So far, it isn't much or for very long.Today I tried to soak all of you in. I really tried playing my heart out with you and I held you longer than I have in awhile. You feel asleep in my arms while at a coffee shop and you feel asleep in the sling/carrier before dinner. I gave you a bath and sucked in the smell of your head after daddy calmed you down (you HATE baths). After your doctor mentioned the many things you are going to accomplish in just 8 more weeks... I am trying to slow this train down and thoroughly enjoy the things you do today (yes, even the yucky stuff like fussing or the boring stuff like staring at ceiling fans. What's with that, anyway?). Someday soon you will be a little toddler and all these baby "annoyances" will have disappeared. You'll be wanting to explore and crawl/walk away from me. You'll make huge baby food messes and you'll drool on everything. Today's mishaps will seem like a walk in the park then. I need to hold you tight now while I can before you want to kick off and play like I taught you how to do. Good thing you are teaching me... how to slow down.
Love, Mom
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Breastfeeding
Well, I've made my decision. And, I STILL need to talk myself into this.
I've decided to ween Evie.
Why?
'Cause I am a horribly, horribly selfish person. I am not thinking about the benefits for Evie at all. Nor am I considering the family budget (formula is ex$pensive!). I'm not thinking about the work I have done to get myself to this state - the lactation consultant I had to go see, the mastering of the pump, the having no problems at all with Evie latching... the fact that I am a nursing master (aside from doing it in public). I am not thinking about what I should probably be thinking about in making this final of final decisions.
No. I'm thinking about... convenience.
I can't have more than 1 caffeine drink a day or its no good for baby. And sometimes, I'd like a strong cup of grande coffee after having nothing of the sort during those 9 months of pregnancy.
I want to be able to GO SOMEWHERE... anywhere... and not freak out about returning home to baby within 3 hours time. Or she'll starve. Or Rob will tap into my precious vault of 5 frozen bags of milk reserved for extreme occasions.
I want to be able to switch off with Rob for midnight feedings so at least one of us can enjoy a full night's sleep.
I want to be able to have more than 1 glass of wine after I have uncorked the bottle I am about to throw out in 3 days... 'cause I can't drink it all before it goes bad.
I want to be able to wear non-nursing friendly layered tops. Any top that I don't have to worry about dribbling on.
I want to no longer freak out about taking Evie out for the day, on a roadtrip, to a restuarant, to the store... fearing she may need to be nursed and I have to find a location to sit in for half an hour.
I want someone else to enjoy watching her eat and light up with a huge, happy smile after her belly is full. And I want me to be off continuing whatever activity it was I was doing at that time... without having to stop and feed.
I no longer want a sticky body. I no longer want to either feed or pump or suffer the consequences. I don't want to FIND somewhere to pump at my 3,000 employee establishment that, apparently, only has 1 wellness room for all pumping mothers to use one-at-a-time (and have to pump 2-3 times a day in that room on the first floor when I work on the 4th. I have to carry a big black bag down the elevator each time? I'd rather die, thank you).
I'm selfish.
I'm horrible.
I am next to tears at the thought that I am doing this.
I should be nursing cause I can. I should be nursing cause she loves it, I have no "real" problems with it, and its great for baby's health. I should be thinking of Evie's best interest and needs over my own. God, what a horrible mother I am turning out to be. And yet, I really cannot stand the thought of returning to work and pumping. I really want the freedom of not having to worry,"Can I eat this/take this/drink this while I am nursing?"
Somebody please tell me this is either the hormones making me feel so quilty or society's pressures that I am feeling.
Somebody please tell me that in 2-3 months this will all be yet another stage I have moved passed, problem-free, and that this is really a blip in the many things that await us.
Somebody please tell me that I am not a horrible, horrible person.
I've decided to ween Evie.
Why?
'Cause I am a horribly, horribly selfish person. I am not thinking about the benefits for Evie at all. Nor am I considering the family budget (formula is ex$pensive!). I'm not thinking about the work I have done to get myself to this state - the lactation consultant I had to go see, the mastering of the pump, the having no problems at all with Evie latching... the fact that I am a nursing master (aside from doing it in public). I am not thinking about what I should probably be thinking about in making this final of final decisions.
No. I'm thinking about... convenience.
I can't have more than 1 caffeine drink a day or its no good for baby. And sometimes, I'd like a strong cup of grande coffee after having nothing of the sort during those 9 months of pregnancy.
I want to be able to GO SOMEWHERE... anywhere... and not freak out about returning home to baby within 3 hours time. Or she'll starve. Or Rob will tap into my precious vault of 5 frozen bags of milk reserved for extreme occasions.
I want to be able to switch off with Rob for midnight feedings so at least one of us can enjoy a full night's sleep.
I want to be able to have more than 1 glass of wine after I have uncorked the bottle I am about to throw out in 3 days... 'cause I can't drink it all before it goes bad.
I want to be able to wear non-nursing friendly layered tops. Any top that I don't have to worry about dribbling on.
I want to no longer freak out about taking Evie out for the day, on a roadtrip, to a restuarant, to the store... fearing she may need to be nursed and I have to find a location to sit in for half an hour.
I want someone else to enjoy watching her eat and light up with a huge, happy smile after her belly is full. And I want me to be off continuing whatever activity it was I was doing at that time... without having to stop and feed.
I no longer want a sticky body. I no longer want to either feed or pump or suffer the consequences. I don't want to FIND somewhere to pump at my 3,000 employee establishment that, apparently, only has 1 wellness room for all pumping mothers to use one-at-a-time (and have to pump 2-3 times a day in that room on the first floor when I work on the 4th. I have to carry a big black bag down the elevator each time? I'd rather die, thank you).
I'm selfish.
I'm horrible.
I am next to tears at the thought that I am doing this.
I should be nursing cause I can. I should be nursing cause she loves it, I have no "real" problems with it, and its great for baby's health. I should be thinking of Evie's best interest and needs over my own. God, what a horrible mother I am turning out to be. And yet, I really cannot stand the thought of returning to work and pumping. I really want the freedom of not having to worry,"Can I eat this/take this/drink this while I am nursing?"
Somebody please tell me this is either the hormones making me feel so quilty or society's pressures that I am feeling.
Somebody please tell me that in 2-3 months this will all be yet another stage I have moved passed, problem-free, and that this is really a blip in the many things that await us.
Somebody please tell me that I am not a horrible, horrible person.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Mexican, Ole!
Rob and I tried to go out to dinner to a new neighborhood restaurant a few weeks ago. Evie awoke beforehand and remained terribly fussy, so we opted for a family restaurant instead.
We tried this neighborhood adventure again, last Saturday. We got dressed up (basically wore shirts with no spit-up on the shoulders) and strolled the mile out to the restuarant in mid-afternoon ('cause then there'd be less people to bother if she did cry). We arrived sweaty, thirsty and ... we were greeted by a "closed" sign. Son-uva-bitch.
We walked home and decided to throw Evie in the car to go to "Mexico" instead.
The SECOND I crossed the threshold of the restaurant, Evie pooped. Fantastic!
I carry the car seat (with Evie in it) to the bathroom and bring the diaper bag with us. There's only 1 other couple and an older guy eating in the whole establishment. I walk into the bathroom and the woman (from the other couple) is in there brushing her teeth.
"I know this is kinda gross, but I have to go to work right after this," she spits.
"Well, I have to change this kid on the counter since there's no changing station." I tell her.
"OK, that's more gross," she opens the door to leave but not before finishing, "You know, I was in this Mexican restaurant in Houston once, and this woman started breast-feeding in the middle of the place! No thank you! That's gross."
Door closes.
I look at Evie who is starting to get fussy since she's been disturbed so much. She is, ...now hungry.
"Looks like we are eating in the bathroom stall, Eve." I pick her up.
I leave the car seat on the counter and bring her & the messenger bag into the VERY TINY stall. The kind of VERY TINY stall where you can barely close the door without knocking your knees. And, since I am juggling a very flooby 6-week-old, I can't check the cleanliness of the seat before I just sit down on it. *sigh*. I really hope I didn't just sit, in my skirt, on a seat full of pee (or worse).
Evie does the red-faced grimmace (the slow... CRY! Cry! Cry! That comes when you've ignored her gentle sobs long enough). I quickly lift up my shirt and get her settled (her feet kicking against the stall door as she gulps).
I reach for my cell phone in the bag on the floor.
"Hi."
"What's going on in there?" Rob eats a chip.
"Well, it turned into a fiasco."
"I thought it might have," Rob takes a sip of a drink.
"Just get me a water and I'll be there as quick as I can."
"Take your time," *crunch*, another chip eaten.
*click*
I pop Evie off before she gets her fill, 'cause this could take up to 30 minutes after feeding on both sides, burping, etc etc. I really don't want anyone else coming in imparting their nursing "horror stories" while I dominate the stall.
Evie is agitated and I give her the pacifier ("A poor excuse for a boob, mom," she shoots me a look).
I settle in the booth and this is what I get from her. Ah, that's my girl...
(Note: the $#@*! onesie was created for me by some gal-pals during a baby shower game. even MORE appropriate given the photo's subject matter)
We tried this neighborhood adventure again, last Saturday. We got dressed up (basically wore shirts with no spit-up on the shoulders) and strolled the mile out to the restuarant in mid-afternoon ('cause then there'd be less people to bother if she did cry). We arrived sweaty, thirsty and ... we were greeted by a "closed" sign. Son-uva-bitch.
We walked home and decided to throw Evie in the car to go to "Mexico" instead.
The SECOND I crossed the threshold of the restaurant, Evie pooped. Fantastic!
I carry the car seat (with Evie in it) to the bathroom and bring the diaper bag with us. There's only 1 other couple and an older guy eating in the whole establishment. I walk into the bathroom and the woman (from the other couple) is in there brushing her teeth.
"I know this is kinda gross, but I have to go to work right after this," she spits.
"Well, I have to change this kid on the counter since there's no changing station." I tell her.
"OK, that's more gross," she opens the door to leave but not before finishing, "You know, I was in this Mexican restaurant in Houston once, and this woman started breast-feeding in the middle of the place! No thank you! That's gross."
Door closes.
I look at Evie who is starting to get fussy since she's been disturbed so much. She is, ...now hungry.
"Looks like we are eating in the bathroom stall, Eve." I pick her up.
I leave the car seat on the counter and bring her & the messenger bag into the VERY TINY stall. The kind of VERY TINY stall where you can barely close the door without knocking your knees. And, since I am juggling a very flooby 6-week-old, I can't check the cleanliness of the seat before I just sit down on it. *sigh*. I really hope I didn't just sit, in my skirt, on a seat full of pee (or worse).
Evie does the red-faced grimmace (the slow... CRY! Cry! Cry! That comes when you've ignored her gentle sobs long enough). I quickly lift up my shirt and get her settled (her feet kicking against the stall door as she gulps).
I reach for my cell phone in the bag on the floor.
"Hi."
"What's going on in there?" Rob eats a chip.
"Well, it turned into a fiasco."
"I thought it might have," Rob takes a sip of a drink.
"Just get me a water and I'll be there as quick as I can."
"Take your time," *crunch*, another chip eaten.
*click*
I pop Evie off before she gets her fill, 'cause this could take up to 30 minutes after feeding on both sides, burping, etc etc. I really don't want anyone else coming in imparting their nursing "horror stories" while I dominate the stall.
Evie is agitated and I give her the pacifier ("A poor excuse for a boob, mom," she shoots me a look).
I settle in the booth and this is what I get from her. Ah, that's my girl...
(Note: the $#@*! onesie was created for me by some gal-pals during a baby shower game. even MORE appropriate given the photo's subject matter)
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
24 Hours, cont...
I was going to write in the "comments" field of my last post but had far too much to say to deem a comment)
We have received MANY ideas for putting Evie to sleep (yikes, that sounds a little too much like euthanasia ... we aren't quite there, yet).
I've heard the swing, white noise, vibrating anything (crib mattress or chairs), car rides and letting her sleep on your chest.
I still keep worrying that if any of these ideas DO work we'll be setting us up for disaster (like she'll ALWAYS have to have a magic vibrating bed to fall asleep). But maybe I need to let go of these notions cause they are holding me back?
I did read about some theories on colic and colic behavior yesterday in my "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" book. I don't know if we could truly call Evie "colic-y" but this doctor says all babies are colic-y with 20% presenting themselves as SEVERE colic. He thinks the nightime crying/fussing is a form of colic that all babies endure until the peak of 6-8 weeks old when it begins to decline. (Evie is 5 weeks and 2 days old). This, somehow, comforted me. Maybe it was knowing that I was part of a medical "norm" factor soothed me a bit.
I also called the lactation consultant last night because another one of my theories was that Evie, is in fact, starving at night and cannot sleep because she is hungry. (Thanks to C for reminding me to call her). Let me begin by telling you all that my consultant thinks I'm an idiot. No, really she does. I think she's great - she knows what she is doing and how to handle me (not a lot of professionals have the patience that I demand). And, the fact that she thinks I'm a moron doesn't bother me in the slightest - cause I AM one in the motherhood/boob-feeding department. I really do need things spelled out for me.
Linda, my consultant, had to remind me again that I need to relax, take naps, drink more fluids (hell, I drink coffee on our power walks in the 90 degree heat. I'm horrible at drinking water), and that Evie is probably doing 2 things: experiencing a growth spurt AND cluster feeding. Linda told me to stick with it - her demands will eventually get my body to make more and to just "ride out the storm". This type of night is not over... it will get better... and it will return again in the future. Just be prepared for it.
Sound advice.
I fed Evie almost every hour/ hour-and-a-half last night without wanting to leave her on the front porch with a "Take Me" sign. I, actually, felt sorry for her and I quit hating/holding it against her. I tolerated the wah-wah's and chaulked them up to it being hard for her... not that she wants to make it hard for me. This outlook REALLY did help overall and she quieted down by 10:30/10:45PM (yes, with the help of a swing, pacifier and a few close holding sessions). She then slept for 4.5 hours, ate & was awake for 1 hour, and then fell back to sleep for another 4 hours.
So, who knows. All I know is I want that 10-12 hour night sleep Meg is talking about. ;-)
Thanks everyone for the thoughts, ideas and well-wishes. It all helps me & keeps me from going completely crazy. Misery loves company even if you all are onto the next stage & no longer as miserable as me, ha!
We have received MANY ideas for putting Evie to sleep (yikes, that sounds a little too much like euthanasia ... we aren't quite there, yet).
I've heard the swing, white noise, vibrating anything (crib mattress or chairs), car rides and letting her sleep on your chest.
I still keep worrying that if any of these ideas DO work we'll be setting us up for disaster (like she'll ALWAYS have to have a magic vibrating bed to fall asleep). But maybe I need to let go of these notions cause they are holding me back?
I did read about some theories on colic and colic behavior yesterday in my "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" book. I don't know if we could truly call Evie "colic-y" but this doctor says all babies are colic-y with 20% presenting themselves as SEVERE colic. He thinks the nightime crying/fussing is a form of colic that all babies endure until the peak of 6-8 weeks old when it begins to decline. (Evie is 5 weeks and 2 days old). This, somehow, comforted me. Maybe it was knowing that I was part of a medical "norm" factor soothed me a bit.
I also called the lactation consultant last night because another one of my theories was that Evie, is in fact, starving at night and cannot sleep because she is hungry. (Thanks to C for reminding me to call her). Let me begin by telling you all that my consultant thinks I'm an idiot. No, really she does. I think she's great - she knows what she is doing and how to handle me (not a lot of professionals have the patience that I demand). And, the fact that she thinks I'm a moron doesn't bother me in the slightest - cause I AM one in the motherhood/boob-feeding department. I really do need things spelled out for me.
Linda, my consultant, had to remind me again that I need to relax, take naps, drink more fluids (hell, I drink coffee on our power walks in the 90 degree heat. I'm horrible at drinking water), and that Evie is probably doing 2 things: experiencing a growth spurt AND cluster feeding. Linda told me to stick with it - her demands will eventually get my body to make more and to just "ride out the storm". This type of night is not over... it will get better... and it will return again in the future. Just be prepared for it.
Sound advice.
I fed Evie almost every hour/ hour-and-a-half last night without wanting to leave her on the front porch with a "Take Me" sign. I, actually, felt sorry for her and I quit hating/holding it against her. I tolerated the wah-wah's and chaulked them up to it being hard for her... not that she wants to make it hard for me. This outlook REALLY did help overall and she quieted down by 10:30/10:45PM (yes, with the help of a swing, pacifier and a few close holding sessions). She then slept for 4.5 hours, ate & was awake for 1 hour, and then fell back to sleep for another 4 hours.
So, who knows. All I know is I want that 10-12 hour night sleep Meg is talking about. ;-)
Thanks everyone for the thoughts, ideas and well-wishes. It all helps me & keeps me from going completely crazy. Misery loves company even if you all are onto the next stage & no longer as miserable as me, ha!
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