Well, this post will mark the closing of Saturday. The final Saturday before baby... only 1 full day left. Its crazy because there are so many ways I'd like to spend this final weekend (a quick trip to the beach, a long walk with the dogs around the park, a trip to the mountains for a small hike, a day trip to Busch Gardens for some wicked rides.... ). Alas, I am still pregnant and I can't do many (ok, all) of these things I am thinking about. I know this trip ends on Monday but my body sure doesn't... and it gets tired quickly these days. I can tell my body is getting into gear for labor (please! Not before Monday at 3PM!) and I am.. slowing... down.
My belly really sits low. In fact, 2 co-workers commented on my changing profile just this past Thursday. I plan to take the "final" huge belly photos tomorrow so we'll have to compare them with just a week ago. But its funny, I feel like it swings & sways slightly when I walk. It certainly feels like its pulling me down with it when I walk a long distance. Pregnancy is so odd.
We ran errands today and grabbed some items to help organize the house before baby is here. We ate lunch out. We picked up a few key items at the grocery store. All that activity had me wiped. We then lounged for a few hours before Rob grilled BBQ chicken. After dinner, a movie. I feel lazy. Its a good lazy, yes. But its also an odd lazy. I really do not have any "long range goals" in mind... for once. I don't have that "urgency" associated with knowing the weekend is only 2 days long so we must get these things done before Monday! That feeling of, "Well, its almost July so we need to get started on working on the blah-blah-blah before fall hits and we have to wait again till next year." Or hell, I haven't even thought about it being the 4th of July this week and 'where are we grilling & watching the fireworks?"
And, I'm not just sitting around and waiting either. I did get a little "fluttery" early this morning thinking about how Monday is just around the corner. But I haven't begun panicking yet. I really am trying to take each day as it comes and trying to squelch the typical voice in my head that sends these fun reminders, "Its only 2 days away! Only 2 days and you'll be under the knife... and scared... and later in pain... and clueless... and scared some more... and tired... and in unfamiliar territory..." Honestly, I can joke about it but it really hasn't begun to sink in yet. Let's hope it still hasn't by noon on Monday, shall we?
Again, tomorrow's the last day where I can, albeit with help, move around reasonably carefree (and more importantly pain free). So, I better enjoy it. And, make the most of it. I'm experiencing a little buyer's remorse these days and wondering what it is I am really in for. But I've never heard anyone say anything negative once they have kids (OK, there ARE horror stories of embarrassing kids or rude teenagers. But, ultimately, people love their kids). So I should be alright.
I just really wish I could take a day trip to the beach, leave the belly at home, and come back refreshed & ready for this next stage.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
Top 10: Things I will not miss about pregnancy
10. My pregnancy "uniform". The first trimester is spent squeezing into the same 2 or 3 pants that still fit before you break-down and go buy maternity pants. And then the last month or more is spent wearing the only shirts/pants that actually cover your belly. Also, my flip-flops. I have spent the last 6+ weeks in the same shoe due to swelling with this heat. They are comfy and I love 'em... but I am also so over the limited shoe wear (plus, they are getting stinky!)
9. The pains. First it was sciatic nerve back pains in the first trimester. Now its my "nether regions" that ACHE from holding up 27 extra pounds. Getting up out of bed really exaggerates this pain, too - ouch!
8. Stuffy nose. Everyday I have to blow my nose. And at night, I can't breathe causing me to snore... this must be the "glowing" part they talk about with pregnancy.
7. The unyielding belly. The limited range of motion is tiring, but you do get used to it (surprisingly). At the same time, it would be nice to bend without looking like an old man about to topple over. Reaching my feet again would be exciting, too.
6. Banging into door knobs with my belly. Specifically, my belly button. Oddly enough, the knobs in my house are at just the perfect height for bumping my already tender belly button again... and again. I've begun walking around with my hands acting like a shield this last month...
5. Prego sex. Eh. It's not all that great. I'm looking forward to prepregnancy sex (And hey! Apparently, with a C-Section, it will be like prepregnancy sex again, too! Fantastic!)
4. Big panties. And unflattering ones at that. No one carrying a baby wears thongs.. and, for some reason, I miss that.
3. Rolling over in bed at night. Jan, my body pillow that I wrap around these days, is great and all... but it would be nice to roll gently from side to side without dragging her with me. Or better still, sleep on my freakin' stomach again!
2. The s-l-o-w waddle. Need I say more? I'd like to pick up the pace again. And, walk with my legs together. Hell, I'd like to be able to CROSS my legs when I sit...
1. Not knowing what's in there. What does she look like? Who does she look like? What's her personality like? (Well, ok, we know stuboorn & finicky already). what the hell have I gotten myself into? What does a "parent" do exactly...
Things that did not make my list (because I never had these experiences: Midnight cravings. Stretch marks (at least, not that I can see yet). Swollen/puffy face, arms, hands, etc (I don't think I'm swollen.... am I?). Extreme weight gain. Morning sickness. Consistent headaches.
** I forgot to add that I will not miss my left side going numb. I think I have a pinched nerve which has provided me with a "marching ants" sensation up and down my left hip since December. Its a fantastic sensation that I'm eager to never experience again. ;-)
9. The pains. First it was sciatic nerve back pains in the first trimester. Now its my "nether regions" that ACHE from holding up 27 extra pounds. Getting up out of bed really exaggerates this pain, too - ouch!
8. Stuffy nose. Everyday I have to blow my nose. And at night, I can't breathe causing me to snore... this must be the "glowing" part they talk about with pregnancy.
7. The unyielding belly. The limited range of motion is tiring, but you do get used to it (surprisingly). At the same time, it would be nice to bend without looking like an old man about to topple over. Reaching my feet again would be exciting, too.
6. Banging into door knobs with my belly. Specifically, my belly button. Oddly enough, the knobs in my house are at just the perfect height for bumping my already tender belly button again... and again. I've begun walking around with my hands acting like a shield this last month...
5. Prego sex. Eh. It's not all that great. I'm looking forward to prepregnancy sex (And hey! Apparently, with a C-Section, it will be like prepregnancy sex again, too! Fantastic!)
4. Big panties. And unflattering ones at that. No one carrying a baby wears thongs.. and, for some reason, I miss that.
3. Rolling over in bed at night. Jan, my body pillow that I wrap around these days, is great and all... but it would be nice to roll gently from side to side without dragging her with me. Or better still, sleep on my freakin' stomach again!
2. The s-l-o-w waddle. Need I say more? I'd like to pick up the pace again. And, walk with my legs together. Hell, I'd like to be able to CROSS my legs when I sit...
1. Not knowing what's in there. What does she look like? Who does she look like? What's her personality like? (Well, ok, we know stuboorn & finicky already). what the hell have I gotten myself into? What does a "parent" do exactly...
Things that did not make my list (because I never had these experiences: Midnight cravings. Stretch marks (at least, not that I can see yet). Swollen/puffy face, arms, hands, etc (I don't think I'm swollen.... am I?). Extreme weight gain. Morning sickness. Consistent headaches.
** I forgot to add that I will not miss my left side going numb. I think I have a pinched nerve which has provided me with a "marching ants" sensation up and down my left hip since December. Its a fantastic sensation that I'm eager to never experience again. ;-)
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
4.5 Days...
Its funny how the countdown has begun to go in another direction. Instead of counting how far I've come... its a countdown to how much further I have to go.
People have been very excited for us (please hold off on all silent "duh's")... the idea of knowing the specific day is a very cool concept. It is, don't get me wrong. Its all still... so... shocking!
I was in line at the office cafeteria today. A woman I have attended meetings with turns to ask, "When are you due, again?"
"Um, well, technically, the 10th. But, um, I am having a C-Section on Monday."
"The 2nd? This Monday?"
"Yeah."
"Why are you here?!."
Ha! I thought this was a funny conversation.
We are using each day to get activities done. D came over to help set-up the baby hammock that he loaned us. He also helped move a dresser. Today, we installed the car seats in both cars. I paid all bills today & caught up on our checkbook entries. Tomorrow, I'll pack away baby laundry and finally start cleaning up nursery room details. I want to get things "done" by Sunday so Rob and I can go out to a nice dinner & enjoy a private day alone together. Its kind of nice knowing we have this opportunity to plan and organize our last, baby-free, day together.
The baby's been moving a LOT today. Its actually getting painful. I'm so tight. I had a book resting on my belly and she kicked it ...and it lurched! (This book was a coffee table "Big Book of Birthdays"... its huge and heavy! I'm both impressed by her strength and totaly creeped out).
I'm getting nervous about doing too much to cause myself to go INTO labor. Now I need to keep things calm and cool until Monday. Its odd to go from trying to jumpstart things to then slowing them down. ;-)
People have been very excited for us (please hold off on all silent "duh's")... the idea of knowing the specific day is a very cool concept. It is, don't get me wrong. Its all still... so... shocking!
I was in line at the office cafeteria today. A woman I have attended meetings with turns to ask, "When are you due, again?"
"Um, well, technically, the 10th. But, um, I am having a C-Section on Monday."
"The 2nd? This Monday?"
"Yeah."
"Why are you here?!."
Ha! I thought this was a funny conversation.
We are using each day to get activities done. D came over to help set-up the baby hammock that he loaned us. He also helped move a dresser. Today, we installed the car seats in both cars. I paid all bills today & caught up on our checkbook entries. Tomorrow, I'll pack away baby laundry and finally start cleaning up nursery room details. I want to get things "done" by Sunday so Rob and I can go out to a nice dinner & enjoy a private day alone together. Its kind of nice knowing we have this opportunity to plan and organize our last, baby-free, day together.
The baby's been moving a LOT today. Its actually getting painful. I'm so tight. I had a book resting on my belly and she kicked it ...and it lurched! (This book was a coffee table "Big Book of Birthdays"... its huge and heavy! I'm both impressed by her strength and totaly creeped out).
I'm getting nervous about doing too much to cause myself to go INTO labor. Now I need to keep things calm and cool until Monday. Its odd to go from trying to jumpstart things to then slowing them down. ;-)
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Monday, July 2, 2007
That's baby Ullman's birthday.
You know these things when you schedule a cesarean.
Yup, a C-Section.
A surgical delivery.
A not-so-happy & reluctant mom will be getting cut open sometime Monday afternoon... and then will be able to meet her daughter, hopefully, very soon after.
Why the C-Section? In a word: breech.
Baby has sat upright facing out (to my left) since I was able to recognize that this hard, round object was indeed, a head. If you've been reading my blog, you know that my prenatal instructor recommended lunges and gently messaging her to flip around. I've tried sitting inverted on an ironing board, ice packs on my belly and coaxing her downward with a flashlight. I've been hopeful that she'd flip as the date drew closer... and I've been preparing for the realities that she never will.
8:15AM - We went to the doctor for my 38th week check-up. Rob went to help me remember the list of questions... and to help me remember the answers (I am both forgetful and not listening these days). The doc asked right away, "Any questions?" I told him it depended what he found out (knowing we are watching a breech baby). He poked her head, "I feel something hard and round here still," he squeezed and pinched above my public bone, "and something soft here like a butt."
I left the doctor's office 2 weeks ago pissed off at the baby like it was all her fault. All her fault for being so stubborn. And stupid. Doesn't she want to work with nature? I cried and I later got over it hoping there was still a chance she'd flip. Today, I just cried. He said, "I think we should schedule." And I just cried. Rob saw the pending waterworks so he hoped up and sat with me on the table before the flood. Smart man. Lucky wife.
I motioned for a tissue next to the doctor while Rob took over explaining that I was just scared and nervous having never had a major surgical procedure before. And, he's right. It was nice that he took over.
The doctor then says, "So Michelle will set something up for Monday or Tuesday."
Monday or Tuesday? Holy sh*t! Like, in a week? I lose a weekend? I mean, I knew this pregnancy would end, and soon, but in a week? I just... it changes everything. The KNOWING the date changes all your emotions. Its kind of relaxing, really. I no longer have to worry about when it will happen or what do contractions feel like or how long will labor be or will my water break at the office. But, its also disappointing cause there are really no surprises left yet. We didn't wait till the end to find out what sex the baby is and now we aren't even going to be surprised about her birth/ birthdate.
I feel a little like a cheater. I won't know what contractions feel like at all. Don't get me wrong - I went into the doctor's office prepared to tell him that I did NOT want to go into labor knowing she'd still possibly be breech and ultimately delivered cesarean. I've known people who had to push and try and struggle... only to have it all end with the doctor taking the baby. F*ck that.
But, maybe the next one, ...right?
So, we have yet to schedlue the time but it will be Monday July 2nd afternoon. I wanted the 3rd (I like odd numbers, particularly the number 3) but apparently it was all booked. I don't think the doctor wanted to push it until the 7th either. So, the 2nd it is. I guarantee I will not sleep the night before and will have chewed off all my fingernails by the time I am strapped down.
4:10PM - Went to the potty at work to find a rather unpleasant surprise. I was spotting. It was actually a bit more than that. My first thought, "Great! Do I have a tampon?"What are you thinking? Snap out of it!
I, literally, ran to my desk to grab a liner that I happened to have. I actually had a co-worker pull a fast left-right move to get out of my way... its funny looking back on it now. It must have been wild to have this belly running at you and then pilaging through their bag.
I ran back to the bathroom stall and called the doctor. Apparently, the cervix is "very vascular" and with the doctor checking me today (1.5cm and 50% effaced) its not too shocking that I'd bleed as a result. Phew! I was told to go home and put my feet up.
I darted home and got into bed from 4:30 - 7PM. I then carted my big butt to the couch where I haven't moved in 2.5 hrs. I think I'll head back to bed soon and read my book. I do, afterall, have 3 days left at work and I need to remain in good shape.
Less than 6 days to go now...
You know these things when you schedule a cesarean.
Yup, a C-Section.
A surgical delivery.
A not-so-happy & reluctant mom will be getting cut open sometime Monday afternoon... and then will be able to meet her daughter, hopefully, very soon after.
Why the C-Section? In a word: breech.
Baby has sat upright facing out (to my left) since I was able to recognize that this hard, round object was indeed, a head. If you've been reading my blog, you know that my prenatal instructor recommended lunges and gently messaging her to flip around. I've tried sitting inverted on an ironing board, ice packs on my belly and coaxing her downward with a flashlight. I've been hopeful that she'd flip as the date drew closer... and I've been preparing for the realities that she never will.
8:15AM - We went to the doctor for my 38th week check-up. Rob went to help me remember the list of questions... and to help me remember the answers (I am both forgetful and not listening these days). The doc asked right away, "Any questions?" I told him it depended what he found out (knowing we are watching a breech baby). He poked her head, "I feel something hard and round here still," he squeezed and pinched above my public bone, "and something soft here like a butt."
I left the doctor's office 2 weeks ago pissed off at the baby like it was all her fault. All her fault for being so stubborn. And stupid. Doesn't she want to work with nature? I cried and I later got over it hoping there was still a chance she'd flip. Today, I just cried. He said, "I think we should schedule." And I just cried. Rob saw the pending waterworks so he hoped up and sat with me on the table before the flood. Smart man. Lucky wife.
I motioned for a tissue next to the doctor while Rob took over explaining that I was just scared and nervous having never had a major surgical procedure before. And, he's right. It was nice that he took over.
The doctor then says, "So Michelle will set something up for Monday or Tuesday."
Monday or Tuesday? Holy sh*t! Like, in a week? I lose a weekend? I mean, I knew this pregnancy would end, and soon, but in a week? I just... it changes everything. The KNOWING the date changes all your emotions. Its kind of relaxing, really. I no longer have to worry about when it will happen or what do contractions feel like or how long will labor be or will my water break at the office. But, its also disappointing cause there are really no surprises left yet. We didn't wait till the end to find out what sex the baby is and now we aren't even going to be surprised about her birth/ birthdate.
I feel a little like a cheater. I won't know what contractions feel like at all. Don't get me wrong - I went into the doctor's office prepared to tell him that I did NOT want to go into labor knowing she'd still possibly be breech and ultimately delivered cesarean. I've known people who had to push and try and struggle... only to have it all end with the doctor taking the baby. F*ck that.
But, maybe the next one, ...right?
So, we have yet to schedlue the time but it will be Monday July 2nd afternoon. I wanted the 3rd (I like odd numbers, particularly the number 3) but apparently it was all booked. I don't think the doctor wanted to push it until the 7th either. So, the 2nd it is. I guarantee I will not sleep the night before and will have chewed off all my fingernails by the time I am strapped down.
4:10PM - Went to the potty at work to find a rather unpleasant surprise. I was spotting. It was actually a bit more than that. My first thought, "Great! Do I have a tampon?"What are you thinking? Snap out of it!
I, literally, ran to my desk to grab a liner that I happened to have. I actually had a co-worker pull a fast left-right move to get out of my way... its funny looking back on it now. It must have been wild to have this belly running at you and then pilaging through their bag.
I ran back to the bathroom stall and called the doctor. Apparently, the cervix is "very vascular" and with the doctor checking me today (1.5cm and 50% effaced) its not too shocking that I'd bleed as a result. Phew! I was told to go home and put my feet up.
I darted home and got into bed from 4:30 - 7PM. I then carted my big butt to the couch where I haven't moved in 2.5 hrs. I think I'll head back to bed soon and read my book. I do, afterall, have 3 days left at work and I need to remain in good shape.
Less than 6 days to go now...
Monday, June 25, 2007
38 weeks...
Yup, still pregnant.
I feel bigger by the hour and feel tight as a drum. Thought you all might enjoy seeing the blue veins in my belly as I attempt to carry around a 7lb +/- solid mass inside my delicate, once flawless, skin. You can also see the strange white spots that I've been getting on my arms. Not sure if this is a blood flow issue or what... but I get speckly (and even more so if I get cold).
Friday, June 22, 2007
16 days... and counting
Oh my GAWD! I have now officially recaptured that long lost eagerness of being 11 years old. The eagerness associated with Christmas just being around the corner. Or, your birthday. Or, the last day of 6th grade.
Only - I have no f*cking clue when "that" day is. The possibility that it may be earlier... is not a good thing with me. I'll end up banking on it. I'm already rounding up the date for when I'm due & beginning to believe its sooner than it really is. I'm not exactly known and loved for my patience.
This past work week has been... difficult. And, I KNOW its only going to get more difficult with each passing day. And, it has.
I move slower each day - the movements from standing to sitting and back down again cause aches and pains. The process of switching positions is one that is both laborious and streneous. Once I'm up - I'm up. Same goes for when I'm down. And at the end of the day, I'm just wanting to be down. Now, I do still have my bouts of frantic ridiculousness (like suddenly having to pack for the hospital last night at midnight when I had to get up early this mroning). But mostly, I'm slipping more and more into a pattern of naps and lounging around. Things wear me out faster than ever.
I'm also becoming increasingly more scattered. I can have a conversation and not at all be listening. Or, worse, I get bored and space out only to jump to an entirely different (and completely unrelated) topic. And generally, that topic's already been explored but I wasn't at all listening the first time around. Its amazing that pregnant women have any friends when all is said and done. I'd kill me if I had to talk to myself... it must be exhausting.
I also no longer care... about anything I used to care about. I am beginning to wear the same thing 3 days in a row - I don't care what people say or think. Frankly, the number of outfits that appropriately cover my expanding mid-section are decreasing at a rate I find impossible to keep up with. I'm getting limited in my selection through sheer force of growing nature. When the bottom of your stretched, pasty belly hangs out and you catch a glimpse in the office bathroom mirror... you realize repeats are a better alternative to variety of cute tops that, at one time, fit properly.
I also don't care if I let work projects slide (thankfully, no one at work has caught on to this.. and if they have, they've been very sweet about letting it go). The house is growing increasingly more cluttered... again, no care. I now want to leave places/events to go home and be left alone (even Rob said he's begun to feel like he's slipping into hibernation lately), again, don't care. I'm pretty laid back when it comes to the things I found very important just a few months ago. Looking great, keeping organized and making appearances are all very low on my priority scale.
Nesting. I think I'm nesting more and more each day. And my form of it - is hoarding. Stock-piling. Preparing for what will be... the baby apocolypse. I recently HAD to have absorbing goods in mass quantities (pads of every variety - see earlier posts). Now I have begun stocking up on soap - bar soap, shampoo, laundry... you just never know when we may need to suddenly wash things and find ourselves low on soap. Rob's been very patient and kind of this process (last night it was batteries - get some for the flashlights, some extras for the camera... what the hell is next). He's fine as long as I keep buying things we will actually use. If I suddenly start stocking up on say, lime jello, he may just go ahead and leave me at the hospital waiting room with no car. But as it is now, my craziness has only assured him that he will not be asked to make a midnight dash for soap after the baby is here. If I want jello at 3AM when breast-feeding baby - I may be out of luck...
Nesting and baby laundry... phew! This is a wierd one. You have to wash EVERYTHING and take it all out of its packages. Its wierd preparing a room for someone who isn't here and you've never met. Do we have enough sheets? Will this sheet saver work and should I buy an extra in case? How many receiving blankets do I really need - maybe I'll leave this in the package. Rob and I have progessively moved more and more toward prepping the mass amounts of laundry that will need to be washed for the coming weeks. We cut all clothing tags a few weeks back (for some reason that was a major commitment, like, we could still back out of having a kid... a girl... and return many of these items. With no receipts, you really can't!). 2 days ago I opened up all the towels, sheets and many blankets in preparation for the great wash. Hell if I'll ever find what I need when I need it - this kid has more cotton products that I do.
Crampy. My last thing worth mentioning is the ever increasingly "blah" sensation that hits everyone in the end. Along with the aches, the tired, the "not caring"... you also become crampy. Obviously, this is nature's way of building up to full-blown active labor. But it sucks wondering if what I feel is "it" or leading up to "it". It sucks thinking I have cramps for an hour or two only for them to go away for another morning. It sucks thinking I may be experiencing this everyday for the next 2 weeks (and then some) before they actually organize into something progressive. I see more and more why pregnant woman just sit on the couch with their feet up in these final days.
I had a conversation with T last night (her baby is now officially 10 weeks old + 1 day) regarding the horribleness that is the final 2 weeks of pregnancy. I described my awkward flipping in bed and night and the midnight pees. I mentioned the aches and the air-headedness I've adapted recently. Sadly, she did recall it but also seemed like some of it was already slipping her mind (am I right, T?). I'm beginning to notice a just a hint of the "you forget it all in the end" that has begun to settle with her. Frankly, how can you remember all these details and nuances after actually having a baby complete with a NEW set of nuances and details to learn/explore. I think its funny that only a few short months from now - I, too, may have forgotton all these little things which seem to dominate my mind everyday. Maybe its good that I've kept a running log of all of this. Maybe others will gain comfort and knowledge in knowing what I experienced along the way (cause I'll have forgotten when you ask me). Maybe all these things are supposed to be forgotten in order to create a sibling years from now and if I remebered all these details - it would never happen. I guess I'll find out, right?
Only - I have no f*cking clue when "that" day is. The possibility that it may be earlier... is not a good thing with me. I'll end up banking on it. I'm already rounding up the date for when I'm due & beginning to believe its sooner than it really is. I'm not exactly known and loved for my patience.
This past work week has been... difficult. And, I KNOW its only going to get more difficult with each passing day. And, it has.
I move slower each day - the movements from standing to sitting and back down again cause aches and pains. The process of switching positions is one that is both laborious and streneous. Once I'm up - I'm up. Same goes for when I'm down. And at the end of the day, I'm just wanting to be down. Now, I do still have my bouts of frantic ridiculousness (like suddenly having to pack for the hospital last night at midnight when I had to get up early this mroning). But mostly, I'm slipping more and more into a pattern of naps and lounging around. Things wear me out faster than ever.
I'm also becoming increasingly more scattered. I can have a conversation and not at all be listening. Or, worse, I get bored and space out only to jump to an entirely different (and completely unrelated) topic. And generally, that topic's already been explored but I wasn't at all listening the first time around. Its amazing that pregnant women have any friends when all is said and done. I'd kill me if I had to talk to myself... it must be exhausting.
I also no longer care... about anything I used to care about. I am beginning to wear the same thing 3 days in a row - I don't care what people say or think. Frankly, the number of outfits that appropriately cover my expanding mid-section are decreasing at a rate I find impossible to keep up with. I'm getting limited in my selection through sheer force of growing nature. When the bottom of your stretched, pasty belly hangs out and you catch a glimpse in the office bathroom mirror... you realize repeats are a better alternative to variety of cute tops that, at one time, fit properly.
I also don't care if I let work projects slide (thankfully, no one at work has caught on to this.. and if they have, they've been very sweet about letting it go). The house is growing increasingly more cluttered... again, no care. I now want to leave places/events to go home and be left alone (even Rob said he's begun to feel like he's slipping into hibernation lately), again, don't care. I'm pretty laid back when it comes to the things I found very important just a few months ago. Looking great, keeping organized and making appearances are all very low on my priority scale.
Nesting. I think I'm nesting more and more each day. And my form of it - is hoarding. Stock-piling. Preparing for what will be... the baby apocolypse. I recently HAD to have absorbing goods in mass quantities (pads of every variety - see earlier posts). Now I have begun stocking up on soap - bar soap, shampoo, laundry... you just never know when we may need to suddenly wash things and find ourselves low on soap. Rob's been very patient and kind of this process (last night it was batteries - get some for the flashlights, some extras for the camera... what the hell is next). He's fine as long as I keep buying things we will actually use. If I suddenly start stocking up on say, lime jello, he may just go ahead and leave me at the hospital waiting room with no car. But as it is now, my craziness has only assured him that he will not be asked to make a midnight dash for soap after the baby is here. If I want jello at 3AM when breast-feeding baby - I may be out of luck...
Nesting and baby laundry... phew! This is a wierd one. You have to wash EVERYTHING and take it all out of its packages. Its wierd preparing a room for someone who isn't here and you've never met. Do we have enough sheets? Will this sheet saver work and should I buy an extra in case? How many receiving blankets do I really need - maybe I'll leave this in the package. Rob and I have progessively moved more and more toward prepping the mass amounts of laundry that will need to be washed for the coming weeks. We cut all clothing tags a few weeks back (for some reason that was a major commitment, like, we could still back out of having a kid... a girl... and return many of these items. With no receipts, you really can't!). 2 days ago I opened up all the towels, sheets and many blankets in preparation for the great wash. Hell if I'll ever find what I need when I need it - this kid has more cotton products that I do.
Crampy. My last thing worth mentioning is the ever increasingly "blah" sensation that hits everyone in the end. Along with the aches, the tired, the "not caring"... you also become crampy. Obviously, this is nature's way of building up to full-blown active labor. But it sucks wondering if what I feel is "it" or leading up to "it". It sucks thinking I have cramps for an hour or two only for them to go away for another morning. It sucks thinking I may be experiencing this everyday for the next 2 weeks (and then some) before they actually organize into something progressive. I see more and more why pregnant woman just sit on the couch with their feet up in these final days.
I had a conversation with T last night (her baby is now officially 10 weeks old + 1 day) regarding the horribleness that is the final 2 weeks of pregnancy. I described my awkward flipping in bed and night and the midnight pees. I mentioned the aches and the air-headedness I've adapted recently. Sadly, she did recall it but also seemed like some of it was already slipping her mind (am I right, T?). I'm beginning to notice a just a hint of the "you forget it all in the end" that has begun to settle with her. Frankly, how can you remember all these details and nuances after actually having a baby complete with a NEW set of nuances and details to learn/explore. I think its funny that only a few short months from now - I, too, may have forgotton all these little things which seem to dominate my mind everyday. Maybe its good that I've kept a running log of all of this. Maybe others will gain comfort and knowledge in knowing what I experienced along the way (cause I'll have forgotten when you ask me). Maybe all these things are supposed to be forgotten in order to create a sibling years from now and if I remebered all these details - it would never happen. I guess I'll find out, right?
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
37 weeks + 1 day
Technically, I could go any day now.
Its funny how you really lock in on your due date like it will be Christmas morning. You'll awake to contractions and have a baby by the dinner hour. All of it organized and on schedule. And, the closer you get to that date, you also start thinking, "Wow, I could actually go even earlier! I'm at the END!"
Reality - I'll probably be late. But no one likes to think about this, *wink*.
Just a coupla things I'd like to take note of today - I feel CONSIDERABLY more sluggish today than I did one week ago. Its amazing how, near the end, each day that passes feels like an entire week. I move slow. I eat slow. My brain isn't firing on all cylindars. I wake up all night long. I pee moments after I just peed. And, I just feel like sitting and doing - NADA. Who IS this person? What happened to me? Am I still in here? Will I go back to the old me? Eh, I'm way to lazy to care about that right now (this is so not the real me. I'm a little worried but, again, don't want to exert any extra energy worrying about it).
My office had a lunch shower for me today and it was very sweet. Home made cupcakes (yellow cake + chocolate frosting, yum! I ate 2), gift table loaded with books, blankets, stuffed toys and other necessities, ...someone picked up my tab and we got out of work for 2 hours. Perfect!
Just 2 more work days until another weekend... my countdown begins.
Up this weekend:
Get fitted for and buy a nursing bra or two.
Get the car seat installed.
Go buy a glider rocker, changing table pad.
Do some baby laundry and clean up the baby room.
Get house key copy made for L to watch the dogs should I go into labor.
Baby shower thank you's for coworkers.
Balance the checkbook (laugh at the numbers).
Its funny how you really lock in on your due date like it will be Christmas morning. You'll awake to contractions and have a baby by the dinner hour. All of it organized and on schedule. And, the closer you get to that date, you also start thinking, "Wow, I could actually go even earlier! I'm at the END!"
Reality - I'll probably be late. But no one likes to think about this, *wink*.
Just a coupla things I'd like to take note of today - I feel CONSIDERABLY more sluggish today than I did one week ago. Its amazing how, near the end, each day that passes feels like an entire week. I move slow. I eat slow. My brain isn't firing on all cylindars. I wake up all night long. I pee moments after I just peed. And, I just feel like sitting and doing - NADA. Who IS this person? What happened to me? Am I still in here? Will I go back to the old me? Eh, I'm way to lazy to care about that right now (this is so not the real me. I'm a little worried but, again, don't want to exert any extra energy worrying about it).
My office had a lunch shower for me today and it was very sweet. Home made cupcakes (yellow cake + chocolate frosting, yum! I ate 2), gift table loaded with books, blankets, stuffed toys and other necessities, ...someone picked up my tab and we got out of work for 2 hours. Perfect!
Just 2 more work days until another weekend... my countdown begins.
Up this weekend:
Get fitted for and buy a nursing bra or two.
Get the car seat installed.
Go buy a glider rocker, changing table pad.
Do some baby laundry and clean up the baby room.
Get house key copy made for L to watch the dogs should I go into labor.
Baby shower thank you's for coworkers.
Balance the checkbook (laugh at the numbers).
Monday, June 18, 2007
Cord Blood Donations
Well, I'm pissed off after reading through this 13-page form for cord-blood donations. I have no interest for banking our baby's blood for our private use (banks start at, roughly, $1500 and then run $200 annually to keep in the bank). But I do have a very active interest in stem cell research and bone marrow transplants and finding solutions to growing organs, curing parkinson's and ending diabetes.
But, ALAS, in the list of requirements it states that I needed to fill out the form before 35 weeks of pregnancy. I am now, 37 weeks. Ack! Yes, yes, dear readers, I could still try and get this form in the mail ... right now!... but my doctor is out at the beach all week so he wouldn't be able to fill out his part in time either. The paperwork needs to be filled out that early so they have time to process and mail back the bag the doctor needs to fill. *sigh*, I'm just so frustrated and diappointed.
I still urge all of you pregos out there, who have no interest in saving your blood, to consider this amazing opportunity to help save lives after just having created one. This blood is simply thrown away if you choose to do nothing and it is such a waste of an invaluable gift. I don't mean to sound sappy on this subject, but damned, I feel like I could have aided vital research to help make many people's lives so much richer. I really do believe in this. And it doesn't hurt, cost you anything or ask anything additional of your time.
Here's the info: Cryobanks International is one of only two banks that accepts donations mailed in from anywhere. They started as a private cord blood bank, but their current business is primarily oriented towards accepting donations.
But, ALAS, in the list of requirements it states that I needed to fill out the form before 35 weeks of pregnancy. I am now, 37 weeks. Ack! Yes, yes, dear readers, I could still try and get this form in the mail ... right now!... but my doctor is out at the beach all week so he wouldn't be able to fill out his part in time either. The paperwork needs to be filled out that early so they have time to process and mail back the bag the doctor needs to fill. *sigh*, I'm just so frustrated and diappointed.
I still urge all of you pregos out there, who have no interest in saving your blood, to consider this amazing opportunity to help save lives after just having created one. This blood is simply thrown away if you choose to do nothing and it is such a waste of an invaluable gift. I don't mean to sound sappy on this subject, but damned, I feel like I could have aided vital research to help make many people's lives so much richer. I really do believe in this. And it doesn't hurt, cost you anything or ask anything additional of your time.
Here's the info: Cryobanks International is one of only two banks that accepts donations mailed in from anywhere. They started as a private cord blood bank, but their current business is primarily oriented towards accepting donations.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
36 weeks (+ photo!)
You know you are big when you don't hold your shirt up so much as constantly pull it down!I went to the doctor today, the first offical internal exam... and it was horrible! Now, I had been prepped that it would be "uncomfortable" and maybe even "painful." I can't remember where, but I think I even heard about the doctor using his "ENTIRE HAND." And yet, I still wasn't prepared for how truly awful this experience turned out to be. Ladies, if you haven't been pregnant yet, take note - prepare to get a throat culture via your cervix during this exam. In fact, my doctor joked about reaching for my tonsils just to lighten the air. I appreciated the joke as I tried to not bite through my lower lip. Yikes!
After all that? No effacement and only 1cm dialated. It really, means nothing. But it would have been rewarding if he felt her head or pulled out a gold coin.
What he did confirm at this appointment, is her position. She's still breech. And, based on the way she kicks my thighs when I fold her in half (ie - when I lean forward), I think she's in the complete breech position. And, like this site says about what to expect at 36 weeks: "Most likely she's in a head-down position by now, which is optimal for a smooth delivery, but if she isn't in the next week, your provider may suggest scheduling an "external cephalic version," which is a fancy way of saying she'll try to coax your baby into a head-down position manually, by manipulating her from the outside of your belly. The two main problems with citing that paragraph is that it makes ECV sound universally accepted and easy. Its actually complicated, painful, only 58% successful and doesn't at all cite the very extreme risk of the baby getting the cord wrapped around its neck. I already asked my doctor about this - and he doesn't perform it for the reasons I just stated.
So, now I'm freaked out that she won't flip and that I'll need a C-Section.
I hung out online a bit today to find some of the following suggestions on getting her to flip. Motivational tactics include:
Shining a flashlight on your lower belly so she dives for it. Having Rob call to her through, yes really, my who-ha (apparently she'll flip toward his voice). Prop up an ironing board (against a sofa) at a 45-degree angle and lie on it upside down. And, think positive thoughts and imagine her flipping.
I actually performed the following today after work: the ironing board (dear Gawd, my aching back - this was stupid but, hey, so is not trying), the ice packs and Rob spoke to her brifly through my lower belly.
Well, she did turn. She hated the ice and squirmed away. She actually feels more like a transverse position right now. I feel toes on the side of my belly and it has remained there, so far, all night. I'm afraid to force the issue anymore (I don't want to scare her or piss her off) so we'll see what happens during the night tonight.
I return to the doctor at 38 weeks (he's at the beach next week) so I figure I have 13 days to get this kid flipped. Technically, she could flip after 38 weeks, and I cannot cite the stats here, but the odds are pretty slim.
I did find out that I am at 28 lbs at this visit. I'm gaining weight at a pretty steady pace (phew!). I feel like celebrating... although I did have a 2 cupcake dessert last night and half a rich milk chocolate bar tonight. This is still a marathon, I must keep the candy celebration slow & steady...
There Will Be No Leaking!
So, I'm beginning to prepare the husband by showing him books & magazine articles. I'm preparing the dogs by putting an end to the jumping and the barking for no reason. I'm preparing the house by moving around furniture and prepping the baby's room. Now, I'm finally preparing myself by purchasing every leak guard out there. (Well, one of the box of nursing pads was purchased by me and the others were shower gifts).After hearing water breaking stories (like T who bought "underpads" for the her bed, which, she not only used in bed but in the car ride over to the hospital), I thought it wise to have something on hand...just in case. And, just in case, I got some maxi pads, too (I just couldn't go as far as actually buying Depends under garments). Plus, from what I have learned - I'll need them.
So, now its official - I am leak proofed. How humbling pregnancy can make you.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Natalie's Revenge
Natalie, one of my best friends, certainly the oldest at 20+/- years, simply cannot understand why our daughter will not be named after her. So, now we get to explain it to EVERYONE when she wears this romper someday soon...
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Shower-palooza
OK, lame & un-creative title to this week's entry, but seriously, it was UNREAL the amount of people who showed up to shower future baby Ullman with TONS of amazing gifts. I really am, for maybe the 3rd time in my life, at a loss for words to fully describe the outpouring we received this past weekend. No sarcasm, really!
20 people + 3 babies were present at the shower... it was, needless to say, a very full house. Kelly, as always, had prepared exotic snackies and desserts that I would never see anywhere else (and all were delish!). Alycia came up with a team-based assignment to create a onesie for the baby... complete with hand-out sachets filled with paints, markers and blank canvases. In the end, all were given a very cute pink, onesie-shaped cookie with a very sweet quote or well-wishes sentiment attached. (alycia, you need to explore event-planning at some stage of your life). And, thanks to Lisa for demonstrating her secretarial skills by taking detailed notes of all the gifts I received (complete with sassy commentary through-out, no less), perfect!
I, personally, thought the whole shower sailed by. It started at 2PM and, after multiple trips to my mother's car carrying loads of giftbags, we headed out by 5:30PM.
As you can see from the posted photo, we have a very full baby room now. Rob and I actually spent a few hours, after I took this photo, going through all of it. We pulled out the bags of hand-me-downs and sorted things into age-based categories. We pulled items out of the closet (yes, its stacked with gifts from the Ohio shower) and sorted through what may have been duplicated at this shower. We pulled tags off of the new clothes (and squeled at the silly bikini, sweet dresses, tiny pants and the very cool onesies. It was fun - Rob seemed to delight in all of it, which, I found shocking - but I became overwhelmed at the sheer mass of it all. Its funny, Rob and I have officially switched personalities. Completely.
We sorted out all the cards and arranged all the receipts. We pulled out the duplicates (4 packs of the same receiving blanket set, ha!) and stuck receipts on them to go back. Turns out, we still don't have all the receipts we need for things... or I have somehow mixed things up. People - take heed at this warning - if you ever buy a gift for anyone ever again, get a gift receipt... stores are becoming the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld when it comes to returns. Turns out, even Target will only allow me to return 2 items per year with no receipt - that's crazy! And, with the sheer insanity of all my gal-pals buying us so much stuff, we will end up having items that may either never get used or will need to be passed to someone else, tags & all.
For the most part, we do not have THAT many things that are creating a bit of a foul-up in the return department, but, its still worth shouting out to everyone that reads this... get the receipt! :-)
Kelly and Alycia flanking the pregnant girl during the backyard cook-out
And, last, but not least - again with the commentary on my feet. Because I went straight to the grocery store Friday (after-work) and then immediately spending all night baking cupcakes, making pasta salad, pre-fabricating burger patties, cutting watermelon and cutting up veggies all to be eaten Saturday night.... I caused temporary damage to my wee toes and ankles which was very apparent the next morning. My feet, really did look like freshly baked biscuits and it was embarrassing. They actually seemed to get worse throughout the baby shower and into the evening. I have included a photo for everyone's indulgence 'cause as horrifying as this photo is to me, its also worth a snicker (or 12). I have learned, if you can't laugh at yourself... then pregnancy is NOT that state-of-being for you. *Sidenote, I am happy to report that the swelling has subsided today, Sunday, after many glasses of fluid and staying off my feet. *wink*
20 people + 3 babies were present at the shower... it was, needless to say, a very full house. Kelly, as always, had prepared exotic snackies and desserts that I would never see anywhere else (and all were delish!). Alycia came up with a team-based assignment to create a onesie for the baby... complete with hand-out sachets filled with paints, markers and blank canvases. In the end, all were given a very cute pink, onesie-shaped cookie with a very sweet quote or well-wishes sentiment attached. (alycia, you need to explore event-planning at some stage of your life). And, thanks to Lisa for demonstrating her secretarial skills by taking detailed notes of all the gifts I received (complete with sassy commentary through-out, no less), perfect!I, personally, thought the whole shower sailed by. It started at 2PM and, after multiple trips to my mother's car carrying loads of giftbags, we headed out by 5:30PM.
As you can see from the posted photo, we have a very full baby room now. Rob and I actually spent a few hours, after I took this photo, going through all of it. We pulled out the bags of hand-me-downs and sorted things into age-based categories. We pulled items out of the closet (yes, its stacked with gifts from the Ohio shower) and sorted through what may have been duplicated at this shower. We pulled tags off of the new clothes (and squeled at the silly bikini, sweet dresses, tiny pants and the very cool onesies. It was fun - Rob seemed to delight in all of it, which, I found shocking - but I became overwhelmed at the sheer mass of it all. Its funny, Rob and I have officially switched personalities. Completely.
We sorted out all the cards and arranged all the receipts. We pulled out the duplicates (4 packs of the same receiving blanket set, ha!) and stuck receipts on them to go back. Turns out, we still don't have all the receipts we need for things... or I have somehow mixed things up. People - take heed at this warning - if you ever buy a gift for anyone ever again, get a gift receipt... stores are becoming the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld when it comes to returns. Turns out, even Target will only allow me to return 2 items per year with no receipt - that's crazy! And, with the sheer insanity of all my gal-pals buying us so much stuff, we will end up having items that may either never get used or will need to be passed to someone else, tags & all.
For the most part, we do not have THAT many things that are creating a bit of a foul-up in the return department, but, its still worth shouting out to everyone that reads this... get the receipt! :-)
Kelly and Alycia flanking the pregnant girl during the backyard cook-outAnd, last, but not least - again with the commentary on my feet. Because I went straight to the grocery store Friday (after-work) and then immediately spending all night baking cupcakes, making pasta salad, pre-fabricating burger patties, cutting watermelon and cutting up veggies all to be eaten Saturday night.... I caused temporary damage to my wee toes and ankles which was very apparent the next morning. My feet, really did look like freshly baked biscuits and it was embarrassing. They actually seemed to get worse throughout the baby shower and into the evening. I have included a photo for everyone's indulgence 'cause as horrifying as this photo is to me, its also worth a snicker (or 12). I have learned, if you can't laugh at yourself... then pregnancy is NOT that state-of-being for you. *Sidenote, I am happy to report that the swelling has subsided today, Sunday, after many glasses of fluid and staying off my feet. *wink*
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Knocked Up
Well, despite my reluctancy to go see "Knocked Up," we went to the matinee this afternoon. I knew it would be funny & completely entertaining... I just also knew at the end she'd HAVE the baby and I'd leave the theater still pregnant. I'm at the stage of pregnancy where I'm a green-eyed monster to those who are further along then me. Well, I've actually been a bit jealous of those closer to the finish line for awhile now, this isn't all that new. Its just getting worse as I'm feeling a little isolated watching gal-pals and fellow prenatal yogi classmates become actual moms while I'm... still... pregnant.
I'll get over it.
Moving on...
I attended S + P's wedding last night. I thought that day would never come so this is a good sign that time is still moving forward despite my finding it to be moving slower. I wore a co-workers hand-me-down empire waisted dress and felt comfortable albeit a little matronly. I wore white sandals for a whole 25 minutes before having to nearly surgically remove them from my feet (my feet which, like roots of very old tree, have begun to grow around anything too tight). I then spent the next few hours in comfy flip-flops while scouting out chairs to occupy. We dined on bar-b-que sandwiches and waited for somebody to accidentally slip into the pool (it was outdoors and in a backyard). By 9:30PM - I was done. I'm so old. Maybe I'm just lazy. Maybe... its the pregnancy... but its frustrating what a lame-duck I've become. Thank God Rob hasn't hassled me on this factor and has instead chosen to be entirely supportive. I'd feel like a total loser if he wasn't constantly building me back up again after I lament about not feeling well, being sleepy or unable to stand up from a seated position. All pregos should be so lucky.
I crashed out around midnight and awoke at 1:45AM to go pee. After slipping, well flopping, into bed again... the contents of my stomach settled up into my esophagus and into the very back of my throat. I bolted upright. The shut-off valve to my stomach has officially ceased working and this sensation SUCKS. I drank a billion tiny sips of water to rid my mouth of the burning sensation only to find I was stuck with the taste and now I'll need to pee hourly all night long.
I moved to the couch - I had to sleep sitting up after that episode. I did crash out and later woke up around 5:30AM to get back into bed with Rob (who never even noticed my absence, which, is surprising since he tells me I snore like a freight-train these days). We slept in a bit before joining friends for b'fast at Panara Bread Co.
As a result of my night last night, I am foggy today and left feeling a little *blah*. I wonder if this is just the beginning of many more uncomfortable nights ahead of me. I'm also wondering if, like everything else, I'll adjust and eventually be OK with the fact that I now can only really sleep on my one side, can hardly roll out-of-bed to go pee every 2 hours... oh, and now I have acid reflux. Dare I ask? What's next?
I'll get over it.
Moving on...
I attended S + P's wedding last night. I thought that day would never come so this is a good sign that time is still moving forward despite my finding it to be moving slower. I wore a co-workers hand-me-down empire waisted dress and felt comfortable albeit a little matronly. I wore white sandals for a whole 25 minutes before having to nearly surgically remove them from my feet (my feet which, like roots of very old tree, have begun to grow around anything too tight). I then spent the next few hours in comfy flip-flops while scouting out chairs to occupy. We dined on bar-b-que sandwiches and waited for somebody to accidentally slip into the pool (it was outdoors and in a backyard). By 9:30PM - I was done. I'm so old. Maybe I'm just lazy. Maybe... its the pregnancy... but its frustrating what a lame-duck I've become. Thank God Rob hasn't hassled me on this factor and has instead chosen to be entirely supportive. I'd feel like a total loser if he wasn't constantly building me back up again after I lament about not feeling well, being sleepy or unable to stand up from a seated position. All pregos should be so lucky.
I crashed out around midnight and awoke at 1:45AM to go pee. After slipping, well flopping, into bed again... the contents of my stomach settled up into my esophagus and into the very back of my throat. I bolted upright. The shut-off valve to my stomach has officially ceased working and this sensation SUCKS. I drank a billion tiny sips of water to rid my mouth of the burning sensation only to find I was stuck with the taste and now I'll need to pee hourly all night long.
I moved to the couch - I had to sleep sitting up after that episode. I did crash out and later woke up around 5:30AM to get back into bed with Rob (who never even noticed my absence, which, is surprising since he tells me I snore like a freight-train these days). We slept in a bit before joining friends for b'fast at Panara Bread Co.
As a result of my night last night, I am foggy today and left feeling a little *blah*. I wonder if this is just the beginning of many more uncomfortable nights ahead of me. I'm also wondering if, like everything else, I'll adjust and eventually be OK with the fact that I now can only really sleep on my one side, can hardly roll out-of-bed to go pee every 2 hours... oh, and now I have acid reflux. Dare I ask? What's next?
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Tears, sweat and pee
That's what the L&D (labor and delivery) hall smells like. It smells like a men's locker room. I'm hit in the face with the reminder that !CAUTION! THERE'S WORK UP AHEAD!
Rob and I toured the hospital last night. One hour is all it takes (which, is quick and yet didn't go by as fast as I thought it would) to realize, *gulp*, this pregnancy road trip does end. And..., it doesn't end with one big party, we then all go home and sleep in the following morning. It ends with a wild, new beginning!
I had all these questions. Does the hospital donate cord blood? Is there an anesthesiologist on duty 24hrs?
My mind went blank.
All I remember is an ER door in which we walk through to the elevator and then... I'm not too sure. We walked into this hall (I don't remember a check-in desk, where the hell do we check-in?) that leads to L&D. I distinctly heard "no cell phones" and I heard "sports channel" (No, Rob. Don't even THINK it). I saw what appeared to be FLOOD LIGHTS in the ceiling aimed right for your crotch and I remember a rolling potty seat in the room (which, made no sense to me since it was resting next to the toilet. Why is this in the room? Will I be going potty in a roll-a-round seat in the middle of the room?!.).
Enough of that wing.
The post-partum rooms are very nice (Rob fears we'll be short-changed and they'll be overbooked leaving us in the room with no bed for him, or worse still, we'd get the storage room).
And the babies. Oh! The babies. Man, they were all cute. Usually newborns are kinda creepy looking. But the hospital had a very nice, ripe patch last night. They were all bundled tight with fat red cheeks. They looked like little eskimos, really.
The 8 pounder (well, 8 lb 10oz) girl freaked me out slightly - she was huge. I can't do that. I eyeballed the 7lb 6oz boy That size baby looked much more doable. Ah, yes. It is decided then. I will have a small, evenly proportioned (and healthy!) 7.5lb baby. Well, that wasn't so bad a tour afterall.
Rob and I toured the hospital last night. One hour is all it takes (which, is quick and yet didn't go by as fast as I thought it would) to realize, *gulp*, this pregnancy road trip does end. And..., it doesn't end with one big party, we then all go home and sleep in the following morning. It ends with a wild, new beginning!
I had all these questions. Does the hospital donate cord blood? Is there an anesthesiologist on duty 24hrs?
My mind went blank.
All I remember is an ER door in which we walk through to the elevator and then... I'm not too sure. We walked into this hall (I don't remember a check-in desk, where the hell do we check-in?) that leads to L&D. I distinctly heard "no cell phones" and I heard "sports channel" (No, Rob. Don't even THINK it). I saw what appeared to be FLOOD LIGHTS in the ceiling aimed right for your crotch and I remember a rolling potty seat in the room (which, made no sense to me since it was resting next to the toilet. Why is this in the room? Will I be going potty in a roll-a-round seat in the middle of the room?!.).
Enough of that wing.
The post-partum rooms are very nice (Rob fears we'll be short-changed and they'll be overbooked leaving us in the room with no bed for him, or worse still, we'd get the storage room).
And the babies. Oh! The babies. Man, they were all cute. Usually newborns are kinda creepy looking. But the hospital had a very nice, ripe patch last night. They were all bundled tight with fat red cheeks. They looked like little eskimos, really.
The 8 pounder (well, 8 lb 10oz) girl freaked me out slightly - she was huge. I can't do that. I eyeballed the 7lb 6oz boy That size baby looked much more doable. Ah, yes. It is decided then. I will have a small, evenly proportioned (and healthy!) 7.5lb baby. Well, that wasn't so bad a tour afterall.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Cankles
Well, they've begun. I noticed my toes were a little puffy EOD on Wednesday. By Thursday night, my feet looked puffy. Friday night everything was swollen and on Saturday night, my inside ankle seemed to bid adieu.
*sigh*.
I knew this day would come. But, I think, in the back-of-my-mind, it wouldn't afflict me. I haven't exactly been living in pregnancy-denial, but, some parts of it I have been. They just don't show moms-to-be with flat lifeless hair, arched backs, puffy eyes and swollen feet. They don't exist in the marketing world so somehow I thought not all people endured this. I was wrong - they do!
I've also begun to slow... down...... alot. Two weeks ago I felt a bit sluggish and uneager. I couldn't concentrate on any one activity nor could I get anything accomplished. This past week was a bit more focused and yet one activity, like watering the plants on the front porch, was enough to call it a day. How the hell am I going to be next week? Will waking and breathing be my two major accomplishments? And, what the hell will I do when I'm pregnant again with a toddler running about? How does anyone do that?!.
Last, but not least, on my thought-streaming, Rob assembled the bookshelf. I plan to fill it with books and stuffed animals.The top will be covered with pillows (for seating!) but this is what we had on hand for the photoshoot. Also, the rug is in place (Yes, there are boxes everywhere and the room is not at all put together. This will all be remedied day-by-day in the next coming weeks, hopefully). I still would like to hang curtains, too (yes, we will removing the "Danger! Hazardous cord! Child will choke!" warning tags before baby gets here and fears that she is in the hands of careless parents). The crib should arrive next week and the changing table will be assembled (we are just putting a pad atop the dresser shown in the photo).
I've already begun buying diapers. I think I'm preparing for not wanting to leave the house... EVER... throughout the month of July. I'm building my own little fall-out shelter in the house (I even bought a 10-roll pack of toilet paper and enough dog treats to last till Christmas just so none of us will feel the need for something that isn't already here). I still need more, more, more! But, I also can't do all that much *read the aforementioned slow down I've encountered lately.
*sigh*.
I knew this day would come. But, I think, in the back-of-my-mind, it wouldn't afflict me. I haven't exactly been living in pregnancy-denial, but, some parts of it I have been. They just don't show moms-to-be with flat lifeless hair, arched backs, puffy eyes and swollen feet. They don't exist in the marketing world so somehow I thought not all people endured this. I was wrong - they do!
I've also begun to slow... down...... alot. Two weeks ago I felt a bit sluggish and uneager. I couldn't concentrate on any one activity nor could I get anything accomplished. This past week was a bit more focused and yet one activity, like watering the plants on the front porch, was enough to call it a day. How the hell am I going to be next week? Will waking and breathing be my two major accomplishments? And, what the hell will I do when I'm pregnant again with a toddler running about? How does anyone do that?!.
Last, but not least, on my thought-streaming, Rob assembled the bookshelf. I plan to fill it with books and stuffed animals.The top will be covered with pillows (for seating!) but this is what we had on hand for the photoshoot. Also, the rug is in place (Yes, there are boxes everywhere and the room is not at all put together. This will all be remedied day-by-day in the next coming weeks, hopefully). I still would like to hang curtains, too (yes, we will removing the "Danger! Hazardous cord! Child will choke!" warning tags before baby gets here and fears that she is in the hands of careless parents). The crib should arrive next week and the changing table will be assembled (we are just putting a pad atop the dresser shown in the photo).
I've already begun buying diapers. I think I'm preparing for not wanting to leave the house... EVER... throughout the month of July. I'm building my own little fall-out shelter in the house (I even bought a 10-roll pack of toilet paper and enough dog treats to last till Christmas just so none of us will feel the need for something that isn't already here). I still need more, more, more! But, I also can't do all that much *read the aforementioned slow down I've encountered lately.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Thirty-three and a half weeks
Went to the doctor this am. As he walked in to shake my hand, "Wow! 33 1/2 weeks already - you are sailing by! Can you imagine, in 6 1/2 weeks you'll be a mother?"
Ack! No. Not really.
The time, although slow at some points and quick in others, does seem to have sailed by at this point. Now, if we look back on where I was just a few weekends before conception (we were in DC for an overnight at my friend's house and a show at Crafty Bastards)... seems like ages ago! That weekend was October 1st. October - just starting to get chilly with a few nice sunny, fall days. The month you start thinking about pumpkins and Halloween. The time of year that you realize the holidays are around the corner and the Steelers still have a chance at a decent season. (*wink*, that one was for you, Rob)
Now its spring. Hell, this weekend - it will be summer already (near 90's they say).
Someone said to Rob that it seems like all this is going by fast. He responded, "I can't remember when she wasn't pregnant." Thanks alot (as I can only picture myself as I am today... teeter-toddling with a big round belly)! I'm not sure how to take that comment.
Your persepective (from inside the body of a pregnant women) is slightly skewed. All of it is. From how large you are (my vision of myself is much smaller than not only my own reflection but smaller than others equally as pregnant), to how moody you've become, to much you've changed in terms of future-parenting ideals. I don't think I'm different, but, deep down, I am fully aware that it is all denial.
Its true. I'm huge. (yes, yes, maybe not "fat huge" - I did only gain 1lb since that last doctor's visit. I am only 26lbs more than I was pre-pregnancy, which is fantastic! But, this belly is huge, people!). I am now bumping into things with my incredibly sensitive belly and tshirts make my belly-button sore. I huff when I do things too fast and I grunt when I roll in bed at night. I also... no longer bend for anything unless absolutely necessary.
I'm also moodier. Well, I've always been bit of a crank due to my high-strung nature... but now I have become more sensitive to things and I find myself taking things personally.
I have begun looking at things from the eyes of a parent. I didn't want to buy doors for the baby's bookshelf in case her fingers got smashed... since when do I think about these types of things? I've also begun thinking about buying organic fruits/veggies and making my own baby food when we get there. I worry that the mattress won't have time to air out before she gets here and that the varnish on the new crib will smell too strong. I hope all this is good worry and not high-strung neurosis from which I'll never return. I don't plan on panicking, but hell, with all the changes that have happened in recent months, that could be just around the corner, too!
But in any case. Six and a half weeks and this will all end... and being a mom begins. I just hope I'm ready.
Ack! No. Not really.
The time, although slow at some points and quick in others, does seem to have sailed by at this point. Now, if we look back on where I was just a few weekends before conception (we were in DC for an overnight at my friend's house and a show at Crafty Bastards)... seems like ages ago! That weekend was October 1st. October - just starting to get chilly with a few nice sunny, fall days. The month you start thinking about pumpkins and Halloween. The time of year that you realize the holidays are around the corner and the Steelers still have a chance at a decent season. (*wink*, that one was for you, Rob)
Now its spring. Hell, this weekend - it will be summer already (near 90's they say).
Someone said to Rob that it seems like all this is going by fast. He responded, "I can't remember when she wasn't pregnant." Thanks alot (as I can only picture myself as I am today... teeter-toddling with a big round belly)! I'm not sure how to take that comment.
Your persepective (from inside the body of a pregnant women) is slightly skewed. All of it is. From how large you are (my vision of myself is much smaller than not only my own reflection but smaller than others equally as pregnant), to how moody you've become, to much you've changed in terms of future-parenting ideals. I don't think I'm different, but, deep down, I am fully aware that it is all denial.
Its true. I'm huge. (yes, yes, maybe not "fat huge" - I did only gain 1lb since that last doctor's visit. I am only 26lbs more than I was pre-pregnancy, which is fantastic! But, this belly is huge, people!). I am now bumping into things with my incredibly sensitive belly and tshirts make my belly-button sore. I huff when I do things too fast and I grunt when I roll in bed at night. I also... no longer bend for anything unless absolutely necessary.
I'm also moodier. Well, I've always been bit of a crank due to my high-strung nature... but now I have become more sensitive to things and I find myself taking things personally.
I have begun looking at things from the eyes of a parent. I didn't want to buy doors for the baby's bookshelf in case her fingers got smashed... since when do I think about these types of things? I've also begun thinking about buying organic fruits/veggies and making my own baby food when we get there. I worry that the mattress won't have time to air out before she gets here and that the varnish on the new crib will smell too strong. I hope all this is good worry and not high-strung neurosis from which I'll never return. I don't plan on panicking, but hell, with all the changes that have happened in recent months, that could be just around the corner, too!
But in any case. Six and a half weeks and this will all end... and being a mom begins. I just hope I'm ready.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Boob Juice 101
OK, so the class is actually called "Breast Feeding Basics" but my immature, internal 8-yr-old wants to call it 'Boob Juice class'. And really, can't we all have fun in the fact that we are now moms turned cow? The whole thing is handled much more appropriately with a slight giggle. Or, at least that's how I deal with things of this nature.
Class was last night. Rob flat-out refused to attend the class for couples so I attended the 'women only' class. I wasn't the only one there with a reluctant husband. Ultimately, it was probably for the best that he did not attend otherwise my supressed fits of laughter would have come out after watching the brief video of some gorgeous, albeit air-headed, mom of seven (7) who's mission was to get the world to breastfeed.
The instructor, who looked EXACTLY like a lunch lady we had in high school, was very excited and energetic about breasts. She knew a lot - which was fantastic. But she also knew so much, I could have gone my whole life not knowing some details about the human boob.
At one point, the instructor actually made me hold a beanie-baby boobie up to my cheast and simulate breastfeeding a plastic doll. She then shoved my fake titty into the baby's mouth and made fishlips showing me how she will suck. I. DIED. I laughed and turned red while letting the baby droop. She looked at me like she didn't get it and I just had to tell her, "I'm sorry, you're going to have to bear with me while I breastfeed an inanimate object in front of 10 total strangers!"
Fortnuately, the chick next to me also laughed but there were a large number of serious ones in there, too.
Maybe I'm just not cut out for motherhood if I can't be serious.
Maybe I am just right for it.
Class was last night. Rob flat-out refused to attend the class for couples so I attended the 'women only' class. I wasn't the only one there with a reluctant husband. Ultimately, it was probably for the best that he did not attend otherwise my supressed fits of laughter would have come out after watching the brief video of some gorgeous, albeit air-headed, mom of seven (7) who's mission was to get the world to breastfeed.
The instructor, who looked EXACTLY like a lunch lady we had in high school, was very excited and energetic about breasts. She knew a lot - which was fantastic. But she also knew so much, I could have gone my whole life not knowing some details about the human boob.
At one point, the instructor actually made me hold a beanie-baby boobie up to my cheast and simulate breastfeeding a plastic doll. She then shoved my fake titty into the baby's mouth and made fishlips showing me how she will suck. I. DIED. I laughed and turned red while letting the baby droop. She looked at me like she didn't get it and I just had to tell her, "I'm sorry, you're going to have to bear with me while I breastfeed an inanimate object in front of 10 total strangers!"
Fortnuately, the chick next to me also laughed but there were a large number of serious ones in there, too.
Maybe I'm just not cut out for motherhood if I can't be serious.
Maybe I am just right for it.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Thank God.
In a Discover Magazine article:
Pain. Natural redheads have a higher pain threshold than others, says geneticist Jeffrey Mogil of McGill University’s pain laboratory. Men and women with naturally red hair can withstand 25 percent more electric shock than non-redheads. And painkillers used in childbirth work three times better on red-haired women than on others. Mogil and his team found that the mutant gene that causes red hair, melanocortin-1 (MC1R), also affects how redheads (including mice) react to pain. Now geneticist Ian Jackson of the United Kingdom Medical Research Council plans to study redheads in the hope of developing new painkillers.
Altho, I wonder about the testing of electric shock threshold....
Pain. Natural redheads have a higher pain threshold than others, says geneticist Jeffrey Mogil of McGill University’s pain laboratory. Men and women with naturally red hair can withstand 25 percent more electric shock than non-redheads. And painkillers used in childbirth work three times better on red-haired women than on others. Mogil and his team found that the mutant gene that causes red hair, melanocortin-1 (MC1R), also affects how redheads (including mice) react to pain. Now geneticist Ian Jackson of the United Kingdom Medical Research Council plans to study redheads in the hope of developing new painkillers.
Altho, I wonder about the testing of electric shock threshold....
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
32 Weeks and counting...
And, expanding! I cannot believe this is my belly. I feel large, I mean, I am much slower these days what with all the difficulty in standing from a seated position, having to forcifully flop my body from side-to-side at night, and the huffing after walking short distances. This must be the "glowing" part of pregnancy you hear about.
Its funny, but when I look down on myself, I think I look 4-5 months pregnant. I see my belly, yes, but I think natue has a way of providing you with an awesome rack designed to distract you from the enormity just below. My boobs fill up the bottom part of my vision so as not to allow me to freak-out at the largeness looming underneath them. But, when I see photos or pass by a full-length mirror (in which, I always lift my shirt - how can one resist seeing that its your skin this big and not just a sloppy shirt?)... wow. Time has flown, when did THIS happen? All the conversations I had with my fellow pre-natal yoga classmates rush to mind, "Look at her stomach! I'm not getting THAT big!" Right.
In other news, we still haven't gotten my sister-in-law's hand-me-down crib yet. Turns out it was delayed from a road being shut-down last week (major accident) and then it was delayed because it had THE WRONG ZIP CODE. *sigh*
It should be here soon, tho, I am told. I plan to purchase the mattress today so it has time to air out before baby's arrival. I'm beginning to wonder why I care so much. Some people have reacted to my wanting to air-out a new mattress for 2 months like I am some sort of high-strung freak. I can tell what motherhood is going to really mean—the stage of life in which you defend ALL your actions and choices because, inevitably, someone thinks your ideas are cuckoo, over-the-top or just plain stupid. Well, I read about airing out the mattress in some book that also discussed SIDS in the same chapter. And, after being pregnant for 9 months, I'm not going to get sloppy now and risk baby's health because the mattress smelled of polyfoam fumes. So, there!
We took infant CPR last week and next week is "Breastfeeding Basics" - have I written about all this before? Its just so crazy to think about taking classes and all these loose ends that suddenly need tying together in these last few months. My mind swims with all the extra-curricular activities I have signed us up for. For instance, we are meeting with a life insurance guy tomorrow and another next week, cause I read if you wait till AFTER baby (and you end up suffering from postpartum depression) your rates soar. Insurance companies consider you a suicide risk then. And, since I am naturally crazy and stand a great chance of having PPD, I figured I'd get on the ball and lock in a lower rate. Sick? Maybe. I prefer to think of it as a "savvy and thrifty" move myself.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Adjusting
Decorating a nursery is NOT,... I repeat,... NOT fun. Planning a wedding was not fun either but it had its highlights - picking out colors/styles, tasting samples, registering for all the fun stuff you’d never buy yourself, etc. Organizing a new home had its highlights,too - painting the walls a color that would kill your mother (orange living room anyone?), buying furniture you like & not worrying about your roommate destroying it in a drunken college party, and knowing that every upgrade you do will return to you when you sell it (provided you have good taste, like myself, of course).
Baby’s room. No fun. Well, I guess that statement's not entirely true, but this weekend certainly blew.
This weekend, in general, blew.
We cleared out the guest bed and delivered the headboard/footboard frame to our friend G. We tossed the mattresses (no sense keeping those in a wet basement hoping they don’t get ruined before baby needs it). We then moved (I say “we” but I really did nothing at all in my current state. Thanks, K, for helping Rob!) the lead-filled bookcase to the living room. After a small debate regarding its location - it was locked in place facing the front door. It looks good, actually.
But, like ALL moves, you then discover the heaping piles of CRAP you managed to squirrel away in every nook & cranny. The crap you never use, hardly look at, forgot you had and yet... can’t... part... with. *sigh*
We pulled out the remaining junk and baby gifts. We piled stuff everywhere. 6 spare pillows, 9 blankets, college artwork, posters, books, bags & bags of hand-me-down baby clothes, stroller, diaper pails. I - f*cking - lost - it. There is so much crap, I’m immobile. Where does this stuff go? Why do we need this? Do I want this? Can I put this in the attic? There’s too much crap in the attic already. Can I put all my pre-pregnancy clothes in the basement? Will they ever fit again? I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw myself on the bed like a teenager in a hissy-fit. I didn’t. I bitched at Rob instead. He, in turn, took his hissy-fit outside. This isn’t fun, this is miserable.
I vacuumed the floors and hand scrubbed them with Murphy's soap. I panted and about wore myself out, too. All I could think about was how dirty the rest of the house was. I felt overwhelmed.
Rob helped me assemble the new rug (we ordered swatches from FLOR. The rug is brown, cream, lime green and fuchsia squares). He quickly realized I couldn't even do it. I flopped pieces all over the floor. He took over and finished the job. It looked great. It looked like there was still so much more to do. It looked like the colorful kids' room I never had (my rooms were always little lady prints like "Laura Ashley"). It looked daunting - what the hell have we gotten ourselves into? It looked so empty - we still need so much more stuff... where will the money come from. It looked unorganized - where are ALL these clothes and linens going to fit? It looked... like the room I had been hiding behind a closed door - and it was now open. And with it, a new reality that is sinking in in fits and spurts. We have to make room for this baby in our house, in our lives, in our finances,... this is more than one adjustment.
I'm not feeling confident about the road that lies ahead. I feel a little lost and lonely. Scared, really.
Baby’s room. No fun. Well, I guess that statement's not entirely true, but this weekend certainly blew.
This weekend, in general, blew.
We cleared out the guest bed and delivered the headboard/footboard frame to our friend G. We tossed the mattresses (no sense keeping those in a wet basement hoping they don’t get ruined before baby needs it). We then moved (I say “we” but I really did nothing at all in my current state. Thanks, K, for helping Rob!) the lead-filled bookcase to the living room. After a small debate regarding its location - it was locked in place facing the front door. It looks good, actually.
But, like ALL moves, you then discover the heaping piles of CRAP you managed to squirrel away in every nook & cranny. The crap you never use, hardly look at, forgot you had and yet... can’t... part... with. *sigh*
We pulled out the remaining junk and baby gifts. We piled stuff everywhere. 6 spare pillows, 9 blankets, college artwork, posters, books, bags & bags of hand-me-down baby clothes, stroller, diaper pails. I - f*cking - lost - it. There is so much crap, I’m immobile. Where does this stuff go? Why do we need this? Do I want this? Can I put this in the attic? There’s too much crap in the attic already. Can I put all my pre-pregnancy clothes in the basement? Will they ever fit again? I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw myself on the bed like a teenager in a hissy-fit. I didn’t. I bitched at Rob instead. He, in turn, took his hissy-fit outside. This isn’t fun, this is miserable.
I vacuumed the floors and hand scrubbed them with Murphy's soap. I panted and about wore myself out, too. All I could think about was how dirty the rest of the house was. I felt overwhelmed.
Rob helped me assemble the new rug (we ordered swatches from FLOR. The rug is brown, cream, lime green and fuchsia squares). He quickly realized I couldn't even do it. I flopped pieces all over the floor. He took over and finished the job. It looked great. It looked like there was still so much more to do. It looked like the colorful kids' room I never had (my rooms were always little lady prints like "Laura Ashley"). It looked daunting - what the hell have we gotten ourselves into? It looked so empty - we still need so much more stuff... where will the money come from. It looked unorganized - where are ALL these clothes and linens going to fit? It looked... like the room I had been hiding behind a closed door - and it was now open. And with it, a new reality that is sinking in in fits and spurts. We have to make room for this baby in our house, in our lives, in our finances,... this is more than one adjustment.
I'm not feeling confident about the road that lies ahead. I feel a little lost and lonely. Scared, really.
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