Shower-palooza

OK, lame & un-creative title to this week's entry, but seriously, it was UNREAL the amount of people who showed up to shower future baby Ullman with TONS of amazing gifts. I really am, for maybe the 3rd time in my life, at a loss for words to fully describe the outpouring we received this past weekend. No sarcasm, really!
20 people + 3 babies were present at the shower... it was, needless to say, a very full house. Kelly, as always, had prepared exotic snackies and desserts that I would never see anywhere else (and all were delish!). Alycia came up with a team-based assignment to create a onesie for the baby... complete with hand-out sachets filled with paints, markers and blank canvases. In the end, all were given a very cute pink, onesie-shaped cookie with a very sweet quote or well-wishes sentiment attached. (alycia, you need to explore event-planning at some stage of your life). And, thanks to Lisa for demonstrating her secretarial skills by taking detailed notes of all the gifts I received (complete with sassy commentary through-out, no less), perfect!
I, personally, thought the whole shower sailed by. It started at 2PM and, after multiple trips to my mother's car carrying loads of giftbags, we headed out by 5:30PM.

As you can see from the posted photo, we have a very full baby room now. Rob and I actually spent a few hours, after I took this photo, going through all of it. We pulled out the bags of hand-me-downs and sorted things into age-based categories. We pulled items out of the closet (yes, its stacked with gifts from the Ohio shower) and sorted through what may have been duplicated at this shower. We pulled tags off of the new clothes (and squeled at the silly bikini, sweet dresses, tiny pants and the very cool onesies. It was fun - Rob seemed to delight in all of it, which, I found shocking - but I became overwhelmed at the sheer mass of it all. Its funny, Rob and I have officially switched personalities. Completely.
We sorted out all the cards and arranged all the receipts. We pulled out the duplicates (4 packs of the same receiving blanket set, ha!) and stuck receipts on them to go back. Turns out, we still don't have all the receipts we need for things... or I have somehow mixed things up. People - take heed at this warning - if you ever buy a gift for anyone ever again, get a gift receipt... stores are becoming the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld when it comes to returns. Turns out, even Target will only allow me to return 2 items per year with no receipt - that's crazy! And, with the sheer insanity of all my gal-pals buying us so much stuff, we will end up having items that may either never get used or will need to be passed to someone else, tags & all.
For the most part, we do not have THAT many things that are creating a bit of a foul-up in the return department, but, its still worth shouting out to everyone that reads this... get the receipt! :-)
Kelly and Alycia flanking the pregnant girl during the backyard cook-out
And, last, but not least - again with the commentary on my feet. Because I went straight to the grocery store Friday (after-work) and then immediately spending all night baking cupcakes, making pasta salad, pre-fabricating burger patties, cutting watermelon and cutting up veggies all to be eaten Saturday night.... I caused temporary damage to my wee toes and ankles which was very apparent the next morning. My feet, really did look like freshly baked biscuits and it was embarrassing. They actually seemed to get worse throughout the baby shower and into the evening. I have included a photo for everyone's indulgence 'cause as horrifying as this photo is to me, its also worth a snicker (or 12). I have learned, if you can't laugh at yourself... then pregnancy is NOT that state-of-being for you. *Sidenote, I am happy to report that the swelling has subsided today, Sunday, after many glasses of fluid and staying off my feet. *wink*

Knocked Up

Well, despite my reluctancy to go see "Knocked Up," we went to the matinee this afternoon. I knew it would be funny & completely entertaining... I just also knew at the end she'd HAVE the baby and I'd leave the theater still pregnant. I'm at the stage of pregnancy where I'm a green-eyed monster to those who are further along then me. Well, I've actually been a bit jealous of those closer to the finish line for awhile now, this isn't all that new. Its just getting worse as I'm feeling a little isolated watching gal-pals and fellow prenatal yogi classmates become actual moms while I'm... still... pregnant.
I'll get over it.
Moving on...
I attended S + P's wedding last night. I thought that day would never come so this is a good sign that time is still moving forward despite my finding it to be moving slower. I wore a co-workers hand-me-down empire waisted dress and felt comfortable albeit a little matronly. I wore white sandals for a whole 25 minutes before having to nearly surgically remove them from my feet (my feet which, like roots of very old tree, have begun to grow around anything too tight). I then spent the next few hours in comfy flip-flops while scouting out chairs to occupy. We dined on bar-b-que sandwiches and waited for somebody to accidentally slip into the pool (it was outdoors and in a backyard). By 9:30PM - I was done. I'm so old. Maybe I'm just lazy. Maybe... its the pregnancy... but its frustrating what a lame-duck I've become. Thank God Rob hasn't hassled me on this factor and has instead chosen to be entirely supportive. I'd feel like a total loser if he wasn't constantly building me back up again after I lament about not feeling well, being sleepy or unable to stand up from a seated position. All pregos should be so lucky.
I crashed out around midnight and awoke at 1:45AM to go pee. After slipping, well flopping, into bed again... the contents of my stomach settled up into my esophagus and into the very back of my throat. I bolted upright. The shut-off valve to my stomach has officially ceased working and this sensation SUCKS. I drank a billion tiny sips of water to rid my mouth of the burning sensation only to find I was stuck with the taste and now I'll need to pee hourly all night long.
I moved to the couch - I had to sleep sitting up after that episode. I did crash out and later woke up around 5:30AM to get back into bed with Rob (who never even noticed my absence, which, is surprising since he tells me I snore like a freight-train these days). We slept in a bit before joining friends for b'fast at Panara Bread Co.
As a result of my night last night, I am foggy today and left feeling a little *blah*. I wonder if this is just the beginning of many more uncomfortable nights ahead of me. I'm also wondering if, like everything else, I'll adjust and eventually be OK with the fact that I now can only really sleep on my one side, can hardly roll out-of-bed to go pee every 2 hours... oh, and now I have acid reflux. Dare I ask? What's next?

Tears, sweat and pee

That's what the L&D (labor and delivery) hall smells like. It smells like a men's locker room. I'm hit in the face with the reminder that !CAUTION! THERE'S WORK UP AHEAD!
Rob and I toured the hospital last night. One hour is all it takes (which, is quick and yet didn't go by as fast as I thought it would) to realize, *gulp*, this pregnancy road trip does end. And..., it doesn't end with one big party, we then all go home and sleep in the following morning. It ends with a wild, new beginning!
I had all these questions. Does the hospital donate cord blood? Is there an anesthesiologist on duty 24hrs?
My mind went blank.
All I remember is an ER door in which we walk through to the elevator and then... I'm not too sure. We walked into this hall (I don't remember a check-in desk, where the hell do we check-in?) that leads to L&D. I distinctly heard "no cell phones" and I heard "sports channel" (No, Rob. Don't even THINK it). I saw what appeared to be FLOOD LIGHTS in the ceiling aimed right for your crotch and I remember a rolling potty seat in the room (which, made no sense to me since it was resting next to the toilet. Why is this in the room? Will I be going potty in a roll-a-round seat in the middle of the room?!.).
Enough of that wing.
The post-partum rooms are very nice (Rob fears we'll be short-changed and they'll be overbooked leaving us in the room with no bed for him, or worse still, we'd get the storage room).
And the babies. Oh! The babies. Man, they were all cute. Usually newborns are kinda creepy looking. But the hospital had a very nice, ripe patch last night. They were all bundled tight with fat red cheeks. They looked like little eskimos, really.
The 8 pounder (well, 8 lb 10oz) girl freaked me out slightly - she was huge. I can't do that. I eyeballed the 7lb 6oz boy That size baby looked much more doable. Ah, yes. It is decided then. I will have a small, evenly proportioned (and healthy!) 7.5lb baby. Well, that wasn't so bad a tour afterall.

Cankles

Well, they've begun. I noticed my toes were a little puffy EOD on Wednesday. By Thursday night, my feet looked puffy. Friday night everything was swollen and on Saturday night, my inside ankle seemed to bid adieu.
*sigh*.
I knew this day would come. But, I think, in the back-of-my-mind, it wouldn't afflict me. I haven't exactly been living in pregnancy-denial, but, some parts of it I have been. They just don't show moms-to-be with flat lifeless hair, arched backs, puffy eyes and swollen feet. They don't exist in the marketing world so somehow I thought not all people endured this. I was wrong - they do!

I've also begun to slow... down...... alot. Two weeks ago I felt a bit sluggish and uneager. I couldn't concentrate on any one activity nor could I get anything accomplished. This past week was a bit more focused and yet one activity, like watering the plants on the front porch, was enough to call it a day. How the hell am I going to be next week? Will waking and breathing be my two major accomplishments? And, what the hell will I do when I'm pregnant again with a toddler running about? How does anyone do that?!.

Last, but not least, on my thought-streaming, Rob assembled the bookshelf. I plan to fill it with books and stuffed animals.The top will be covered with pillows (for seating!) but this is what we had on hand for the photoshoot. Also, the rug is in place (Yes, there are boxes everywhere and the room is not at all put together. This will all be remedied day-by-day in the next coming weeks, hopefully). I still would like to hang curtains, too (yes, we will removing the "Danger! Hazardous cord! Child will choke!" warning tags before baby gets here and fears that she is in the hands of careless parents). The crib should arrive next week and the changing table will be assembled (we are just putting a pad atop the dresser shown in the photo).


I've already begun buying diapers. I think I'm preparing for not wanting to leave the house... EVER... throughout the month of July. I'm building my own little fall-out shelter in the house (I even bought a 10-roll pack of toilet paper and enough dog treats to last till Christmas just so none of us will feel the need for something that isn't already here). I still need more, more, more! But, I also can't do all that much *read the aforementioned slow down I've encountered lately.

Thirty-three and a half weeks

Went to the doctor this am. As he walked in to shake my hand, "Wow! 33 1/2 weeks already - you are sailing by! Can you imagine, in 6 1/2 weeks you'll be a mother?"
Ack! No. Not really.
The time, although slow at some points and quick in others, does seem to have sailed by at this point. Now, if we look back on where I was just a few weekends before conception (we were in DC for an overnight at my friend's house and a show at Crafty Bastards)... seems like ages ago! That weekend was October 1st. October - just starting to get chilly with a few nice sunny, fall days. The month you start thinking about pumpkins and Halloween. The time of year that you realize the holidays are around the corner and the Steelers still have a chance at a decent season. (*wink*, that one was for you, Rob)
Now its spring. Hell, this weekend - it will be summer already (near 90's they say).
Someone said to Rob that it seems like all this is going by fast. He responded, "I can't remember when she wasn't pregnant." Thanks alot (as I can only picture myself as I am today... teeter-toddling with a big round belly)! I'm not sure how to take that comment.
Your persepective (from inside the body of a pregnant women) is slightly skewed. All of it is. From how large you are (my vision of myself is much smaller than not only my own reflection but smaller than others equally as pregnant), to how moody you've become, to much you've changed in terms of future-parenting ideals. I don't think I'm different, but, deep down, I am fully aware that it is all denial.
Its true. I'm huge. (yes, yes, maybe not "fat huge" - I did only gain 1lb since that last doctor's visit. I am only 26lbs more than I was pre-pregnancy, which is fantastic! But, this belly is huge, people!). I am now bumping into things with my incredibly sensitive belly and tshirts make my belly-button sore. I huff when I do things too fast and I grunt when I roll in bed at night. I also... no longer bend for anything unless absolutely necessary.
I'm also moodier. Well, I've always been bit of a crank due to my high-strung nature... but now I have become more sensitive to things and I find myself taking things personally.
I have begun looking at things from the eyes of a parent. I didn't want to buy doors for the baby's bookshelf in case her fingers got smashed... since when do I think about these types of things? I've also begun thinking about buying organic fruits/veggies and making my own baby food when we get there. I worry that the mattress won't have time to air out before she gets here and that the varnish on the new crib will smell too strong. I hope all this is good worry and not high-strung neurosis from which I'll never return. I don't plan on panicking, but hell, with all the changes that have happened in recent months, that could be just around the corner, too!
But in any case. Six and a half weeks and this will all end... and being a mom begins. I just hope I'm ready.

Boob Juice 101

OK, so the class is actually called "Breast Feeding Basics" but my immature, internal 8-yr-old wants to call it 'Boob Juice class'. And really, can't we all have fun in the fact that we are now moms turned cow? The whole thing is handled much more appropriately with a slight giggle. Or, at least that's how I deal with things of this nature.
Class was last night. Rob flat-out refused to attend the class for couples so I attended the 'women only' class. I wasn't the only one there with a reluctant husband. Ultimately, it was probably for the best that he did not attend otherwise my supressed fits of laughter would have come out after watching the brief video of some gorgeous, albeit air-headed, mom of seven (7) who's mission was to get the world to breastfeed.
The instructor, who looked EXACTLY like a lunch lady we had in high school, was very excited and energetic about breasts. She knew a lot - which was fantastic. But she also knew so much, I could have gone my whole life not knowing some details about the human boob.
At one point, the instructor actually made me hold a beanie-baby boobie up to my cheast and simulate breastfeeding a plastic doll. She then shoved my fake titty into the baby's mouth and made fishlips showing me how she will suck. I. DIED. I laughed and turned red while letting the baby droop. She looked at me like she didn't get it and I just had to tell her, "I'm sorry, you're going to have to bear with me while I breastfeed an inanimate object in front of 10 total strangers!"
Fortnuately, the chick next to me also laughed but there were a large number of serious ones in there, too.
Maybe I'm just not cut out for motherhood if I can't be serious.
Maybe I am just right for it.

Thank God.

In a Discover Magazine article:

Pain. Natural redheads have a higher pain threshold than others, says geneticist Jeffrey Mogil of McGill University’s pain laboratory. Men and women with naturally red hair can withstand 25 percent more electric shock than non-redheads. And painkillers used in childbirth work three times better on red-haired women than on others. Mogil and his team found that the mutant gene that causes red hair, melanocortin-1 (MC1R), also affects how redheads (including mice) react to pain. Now geneticist Ian Jackson of the United Kingdom Medical Research Council plans to study redheads in the hope of developing new painkillers.

Altho, I wonder about the testing of electric shock threshold....

32 Weeks and counting...

And, expanding! I cannot believe this is my belly. I feel large, I mean, I am much slower these days what with all the difficulty in standing from a seated position, having to forcifully flop my body from side-to-side at night, and the huffing after walking short distances. This must be the "glowing" part of pregnancy you hear about.
Its funny, but when I look down on myself, I think I look 4-5 months pregnant. I see my belly, yes, but I think natue has a way of providing you with an awesome rack designed to distract you from the enormity just below. My boobs fill up the bottom part of my vision so as not to allow me to freak-out at the largeness looming underneath them. But, when I see photos or pass by a full-length mirror (in which, I always lift my shirt - how can one resist seeing that its your skin this big and not just a sloppy shirt?)... wow. Time has flown, when did THIS happen? All the conversations I had with my fellow pre-natal yoga classmates rush to mind, "Look at her stomach! I'm not getting THAT big!" Right.

In other news, we still haven't gotten my sister-in-law's hand-me-down crib yet. Turns out it was delayed from a road being shut-down last week (major accident) and then it was delayed because it had THE WRONG ZIP CODE. *sigh*
It should be here soon, tho, I am told. I plan to purchase the mattress today so it has time to air out before baby's arrival. I'm beginning to wonder why I care so much. Some people have reacted to my wanting to air-out a new mattress for 2 months like I am some sort of high-strung freak. I can tell what motherhood is going to really mean—the stage of life in which you defend ALL your actions and choices because, inevitably, someone thinks your ideas are cuckoo, over-the-top or just plain stupid. Well, I read about airing out the mattress in some book that also discussed SIDS in the same chapter. And, after being pregnant for 9 months, I'm not going to get sloppy now and risk baby's health because the mattress smelled of polyfoam fumes. So, there!

We took infant CPR last week and next week is "Breastfeeding Basics" - have I written about all this before? Its just so crazy to think about taking classes and all these loose ends that suddenly need tying together in these last few months. My mind swims with all the extra-curricular activities I have signed us up for. For instance, we are meeting with a life insurance guy tomorrow and another next week, cause I read if you wait till AFTER baby (and you end up suffering from postpartum depression) your rates soar. Insurance companies consider you a suicide risk then. And, since I am naturally crazy and stand a great chance of having PPD, I figured I'd get on the ball and lock in a lower rate. Sick? Maybe. I prefer to think of it as a "savvy and thrifty" move myself.

Adjusting

Decorating a nursery is NOT,... I repeat,... NOT fun. Planning a wedding was not fun either but it had its highlights - picking out colors/styles, tasting samples, registering for all the fun stuff you’d never buy yourself, etc. Organizing a new home had its highlights,too - painting the walls a color that would kill your mother (orange living room anyone?), buying furniture you like & not worrying about your roommate destroying it in a drunken college party, and knowing that every upgrade you do will return to you when you sell it (provided you have good taste, like myself, of course).
Baby’s room. No fun. Well, I guess that statement's not entirely true, but this weekend certainly blew.
This weekend, in general, blew.
We cleared out the guest bed and delivered the headboard/footboard frame to our friend G. We tossed the mattresses (no sense keeping those in a wet basement hoping they don’t get ruined before baby needs it). We then moved (I say “we” but I really did nothing at all in my current state. Thanks, K, for helping Rob!) the lead-filled bookcase to the living room. After a small debate regarding its location - it was locked in place facing the front door. It looks good, actually.
But, like ALL moves, you then discover the heaping piles of CRAP you managed to squirrel away in every nook & cranny. The crap you never use, hardly look at, forgot you had and yet... can’t... part... with. *sigh*
We pulled out the remaining junk and baby gifts. We piled stuff everywhere. 6 spare pillows, 9 blankets, college artwork, posters, books, bags & bags of hand-me-down baby clothes, stroller, diaper pails. I - f*cking - lost - it. There is so much crap, I’m immobile. Where does this stuff go? Why do we need this? Do I want this? Can I put this in the attic? There’s too much crap in the attic already. Can I put all my pre-pregnancy clothes in the basement? Will they ever fit again? I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw myself on the bed like a teenager in a hissy-fit. I didn’t. I bitched at Rob instead. He, in turn, took his hissy-fit outside. This isn’t fun, this is miserable.
I vacuumed the floors and hand scrubbed them with Murphy's soap. I panted and about wore myself out, too. All I could think about was how dirty the rest of the house was. I felt overwhelmed.
Rob helped me assemble the new rug (we ordered swatches from FLOR. The rug is brown, cream, lime green and fuchsia squares). He quickly realized I couldn't even do it. I flopped pieces all over the floor. He took over and finished the job. It looked great. It looked like there was still so much more to do. It looked like the colorful kids' room I never had (my rooms were always little lady prints like "Laura Ashley"). It looked daunting - what the hell have we gotten ourselves into? It looked so empty - we still need so much more stuff... where will the money come from. It looked unorganized - where are ALL these clothes and linens going to fit? It looked... like the room I had been hiding behind a closed door - and it was now open. And with it, a new reality that is sinking in in fits and spurts. We have to make room for this baby in our house, in our lives, in our finances,... this is more than one adjustment.
I'm not feeling confident about the road that lies ahead. I feel a little lost and lonely. Scared, really.

*Ah-choo!*

So, at work tonight ...well, this is embarrassing... I was on my way to the potty (one cup of water doesn't stay with me very long these days) when I sneezed. You can fill in the gaps to complete the story.
It wasn't a trainwreck, just a little... *drop*... and that was enough to leave me shocked that I have reached this point in my pregnancy. I two-stepped it to the potty and all was right with the world.
What's next?

Ever-Expanding Vocabulary

There are some words you know before having a baby:
• Uterus
• Cervix
• Lactation
• First, Second and Third Trimesters

Then there are some words you THOUGHT you knew what they meant (turns out, your understanding is limited at best):
• fully Dialated
• Mucus Plug
• Breech (there's 5 kinds of breech. And this isn't even including the many forms of Presentation)
• Presentation
• Full Panel verses Roll Panel... and Low Rise verses Real Waist maternity pants
• Placenta (this mo-fo weighs 1.5lbs and gets huge! Its not pretty either)
• Fetus (did you know its not a fetus till you are 8 weeks pregnant? Before that, its an embryo)

Then there are the words that make no sense unless you are a pregnant (or, formerly pregnant) woman:
• Fundal height
• fully Effaced
• a "bloody show"
• Collastrum
• Placenta Previa

31 weeks (give or take)

Went to the doctor this AM and I am just shy of 31 weeks (I think I officially hit it tomorrow. So I'm what, 30 weeks +6 days? Whatever). I actually am still measuring larger - at 33 weeks. The doc thinks it will "plateau" and that I'm just going through a growth spurt (well, baby is, actually) but I'm beginning to worry that I will be having a 10lb baby. Upon saying this to the doctor, he added, "I believe in letting your body take control. I don't like to induce unless we really have to, in the case of a rising blood pressure."
Um, oh great! So, baby is still in breech position and possibly huge. You mean to tell me... I could have a C-Section? Agh!?
Now, all women face the possibility of a C-Section... anything can go wrong at any moment. You are told to keep an open mind from the very beginning.
I'm not open-minded on this. I really don't want one. Many woman do (afterall, who wants to pee everytime they cough for the rest of their lives?) love 'em. I, for one, have watched too many maternity shows where they show the woman strapped to a table... shivering (the drugs make you cold)... being shaken all around as they pull the baby out. Feel nothing my ass! I've felt every cavity being filled and I can just imagine what having THAT done feels like. And to top it all off, you can't even hold the baby afterward, so sad!
*sigh*
But enough of my theorizing. I'll just go home tonight and lay on an ironing board while eating fat-free rice cakes.
Oh, and I currently weigh 25lbs more than I did before I took the pregnancy test oh so many months ago. Wow. I've gained 25lbs - phew! And I have 9 weeks (well, 9 weeks +1 day) to go still!). At my average of 1.25lbs a day... I'll be 36.25lbs when all's said and done! That is, if I keep this pace up. Of course, does that factor in the 10lb baby?!.
;-)

Gift I Hafta Have... someday...

I saw this on Mighty Girls' Blog. I must remember this 6, 7 or 8 years from now:
artwork pin

Hot.

I've been wearing tank tops, skirts and sandals to work this week. I figured I'd wear this stuff now before the air conditioning really kicks in at work and I'm freezing. Then, I'll bust out the short-sleeved tops and pants again. Turns out... the air IS on full blast. People have been coming to my cube in sweaters, pants and, yes, even jackets claiming it's, "freezing in here!"
What the hell am I going to do now? This is insane.
I spent the past weekend killing myself. As you can see, I didn't quite complete that task either.
Saturday I went to the Three Acres School yard sale (happens twice a year). Some bargains and 2.5 hours later, L and I relaxed and caught up on family news. We then decided to take the conversation to a place that served food while we talked. Dots Back Inn. Home by 2:30PM and ready for a nap. But, oh no! I can't take a nap! So, I put on my shorts and raked the yard... why not? I'm only a lollipop that's supposed to be taking it easy. So I later did, I sat on my ass... in the car. I went to D&C's to borrow some tools, Sears for a lawn mower (ours died) and Ukrop's for dinner items.
Sunday was worse. Well, successful (we accomplished lots!) but not at all "relaxing" like a Sunday should be. We woke up and walked K&E's dog, went to Lowe's for more supplies (Rob's working on the brick patio! Yippee!), I potted purple flowers in my new pots, and I later scrubbed the entire back porch with a sponge and a bucket of Murphey's soapy water (Why the hell not? Mold & dirt came back after 3 years of neglect and I'm PREGNANT so why not get on a ladder and hand scrub the entire interior wood trim work? I'm an absolute idiot. And now, an idiot with a back ache from hell.)
I think I'm reaching the point of realizing my days are numbered. More importantly, the weekends are numbered. If I rattle off the various activities that await me these last few months, from baby showers to a bridal shower to visiting my folks one last time in Greensboro, the already numbered weekends get even fewer. *Gulp*. And maybe I'm still not quite yet realizing the time crunch.Maybe, instead, I'm trying to still plan ahead for when it does hit me. The inevitable, "Oh my God! We're having a baby in month!" Cause, the reality is, I'm NOT going to want to be physical, in any way shape or form, that last month. I'm not going to want to be moving book shelves, rearranging furniture, setting up a crib and hand mopping the nursery floor... so I gotta start doing that now. And hell, I don't want to do any of that now so I better avoid it by going out on the back porch and scrubbing mold cause that's way more important on my shit-list of things to have done before baby.
Its a rat race in my head these days.
I've noticed that in my pregnancy books it recommends not crossing your legs to keep your feet from swelling. But what the hell do you do when you are wearing a skirt or dress? Show the world this is how I got into the mess to bgein with? By not sitting ladylike? In any case, I'm noticing more and more how difficult it is to even try and cross my legs when sitting. It's like cinching up a bag of water... the cinch just wants to untwist and let it all hang out. My belly and baby hate being tightened up a bit more. I'm looking less and less sophisticated these days.
I've also been watching Evie move. I can sit here and watch my stomach blurb outward to the side as she flops over to get into a more comfortable spot. Its wierd. At first I thought it was wild and cool. Now it kinda creeps me out. There's a freaking human in there!!! Oh my God people, what they hell was I thinking getting pregnant? This fun little biology experiment is REAL. There really is a human... a person... in...my...body. JC, this is blowing my mind. Its kind of scaring me a bit, too. Its only getting bigger and there's only one exit.
I walk into things with my belly now, too. I bump counters, sinktops and doors. Everytime I leave the company restroom, there's a big water spot on my shirt where my belly flopped onto the sink counter. Its fantastic. I can see where I'm quickly exiting the "Oh-you're-so-cute-with-your-belly" stage and entering that not-at-all glorious "Holy Shit You're Pregnant! Get out of the WAY!" pregnancy stage. *Sigh* Next stop, ...cankles and hemmeroids. Great.

Creepy

Oh, the magical world of Flash and finding freebie Flash programming online.
See the new "Countdown to baby" animation on the right?
What will happen to me once all my freetime is gone after baby is here? Oh what will I do with myself?

28 weeks & on a sugar high

I'll post an overall shot of me later tonight***... I didn't have Rob take one this morning cause I forgot and because I forget EVERYTHING these days.
Today was the glucose test at the doctors. Suck down on orange drink and feel that baby SQUIRM! That drink tasted like an 8-year-old made a batch of kool-aid with 4 Cups of sugar instead of the suggested 2 Cups. Who-wee! And it still wasn't enough to make me peppy after a long night of insomnia last night. I hope it was due to the crazy wind & weather outside and not just another fun sign of pregnancy!
Speaking of fun signs of pregnancy, this weekly read can just go to hell. Who thought they were so damned cutsey as to write this?: Welcome to the third trimester ~ the period of leg cramps, hemorrhoids, varicose veins, itchy skin, aches and pains, swelling, heartburn, indigestion and . . . your baby's arrival!
It might be true but you don't have to tell me all this while grinning (can't you read her grin underlaying all of this?).
BTW - my fundal height is 30 (what the heck does this mean? I have no idea... its a belly measurement but I dunno if this means baby is big or small). And my weight gain *gulp* is 21lbs so far! Agh! I put on 5.5lbs in just over 4 weeks. OK, so maybe this is a normal steady pace but c'mon people! Its still alot on the human body! I know I'm pregnant but seeing the numbers climb like this still makes my head spin... its unreal. At this rate, with gaining an average of 1lb a week, I should be about 33-36lbs when baby gets here. That's in the completely normal range. Which, is very good. Its still just crazy to think there's a BABY IN HERE!
***I'm adding a photo. I was reluctant to post this one showing my face cause I look like a forced happy. I used to be so good at photos, now they are all so bad, ugh. I was legitimately smiling... or so I thought. I am happy, I swear!

Another prego lost to motherhood

T had her baby yesterday. A bouncing baby boy just over 8lbs. And man, is he ever cute to stare at and hold! I can see now how parents forget to eat, shower and communicate with the outside world. I just wanted to stare at him like a hummingbird with a mirrored gazing ball. If he's sleeping, you stare at his soft neck going up and down with his whistling breathes. If he jolts, you want to wrap him up tight and pat him. If he yawns, you yawn back while whispering goofy things like, "awww!"
Damned, I want one... and at the same time... I am NOT AT ALL READY!
What the heck was I thinking?!.
I loved holding him. It was so magical and awe-inspiring. Its like going for a ride in your friend's new expensive car and you think, "What a f%*king amazing ride this is. And that new car smell - I love it! I would love to have this. But man, they are screwed with making payments now. Dumb-asses! Let them have their fancy car, we'll just make them drive all the time so we can enjoy it without the payments & stress of getting a ding. Suckers!"
I'm..... a baby sucker! I feel for it! Ack! Once you roll that baby out of the hospital, you lose a couple thousand dollars and commited yourself to months & months of payments! *gulp*
Its not even the money part that bothers me... its the work! Phew! I don't know the first thing about a newborn. I know they eat all the time and sleep all the time and yet somehow YOU never sleep or eat during any of that time.
I'm going to drop ours. Or forget to feed it. Or cry along with it. Or forget to change it and it will get some horribly painful diaper rash. Or I'll leave it somewhere... like in the grocery cart while I'm down 4 aisles picking out something. Or I'll put it to sleep all wrong. Oh my Gawd! We are HAVING A HUMAN! How the hell can this type of behavior (creating human life) NOT be monitored by someone? How can just anyone do such a hugely responsible task as making and raising a baby?!.

Week 27 - Third Trimester

Well, its official... I'm in my third trimester.
What does this mean? Well, baby now weighs about 2 lbs (what mom now weighs is a whole other story). She will also now be measured in full length (not just crown to rump), so she's around 14.4" inches long. She can now open her eyes (yes, underwater!) and does everything most babies do - suck their thumb, swallow, sleep, play and yes, even cry.
Its crazy. She's just about "done" aside from putting on weight (yikes!).
Now is when both her and I, begin to truly pack on the pounds. I should start putting on, roughly, 1 pound a week. Yikes! All my women co-workers are in Weight Watchers and they are all averaging 1 pound a week, too... its sounds like an agressive amount either direction you go on the scale.
In other news, T is due this Friday and I'm anxious as hell. Waiting for her date has been... long - I can only imagine how she feels. :)

Belly Claustrophobia

I'll be 27 weeks this Tuesday - that's the beginning of the third trimester. That's 6 months prego to those of you who need this translated further into Laymen's Terms.
"As you continue your pregnancy week by week from about 26 weeks pregnant on you might start to become less comfortable."
I'm beginning to feel claustrophobic in my own skin.
I'm feeling large (bending and reaching are becoming more limited in range)... and I know its only going to get far more restrictive.
This, terrifies me.
I tried to explain this to Rob as best I could. Its like being in an already too small room and the walls are slowing closing in on you. You know that you won't get crushed, just very tight with limited space. You also know if you are uncomfortable now... its going to get a lot worse so relax and ride the ride the best you can. Does this make any sense?
I guess what's really got me scared is that I can't do a damned thing about it. Typically, if you are in an uncomfortable position, you can move or make changes to get out of it. In this case, I'm stuck just getting more large and limited in the things I can do comfortably. I get a little anxious at the thought of how much "worse" things are going to get. I feel like my time to do things (to still have a wide range of motion) is limited. I get scared just thinking about how much MORE scary its going to get. What if I wake up one day, a month from now, and just cry over the fact that I can't breathe? It makes me hyperventilate a little at the thought. Which, means I'm probably raising my blood pressure just over all this anxiety, which, is not at all good.
I need to relax, but how?

Wise cracks and hormone buzzes

Walking to the car after work yesterday, I discussed the ins and outs of pregnancy with a male coworker/friend. His wife is about almost exactly one trimester behind me. Its nice to know that I'm not the last one to deliver (unlike my yoga group which will all be gone & done with their pregnancies in June. It sucks being last).
We started joking about getting fat, cankles, and acne. Of course, I started bopping and scatting (as Rob refers to it) and felt like I was on stage with a microphone. I began to take the conversation to levels of the extreme - What will he do if my water breaks at work? What if I look like I sucked on an air-hose in the end? Will I be fat and sweaty.
Two more coworkers came out to join us - another male (with 2 kids under the age of 4) and one female (with a kid who will be 2 this summer). I went on...
Me, "What if my water breaks at work? Do I run [I begin running with my legs open wide] to the bathroom leaving a trail behind me?"
Female co-worker, "No! It happens slow, so sit still."
"So, you're going to wheel me to the elevator and press '1'... just send me down for someone else to deal with? Or will you have the decency to call me an abulance?"
Male co-worker, "We'll hand you the elevator phone - you can call them."
Me, "Oh, I can just see the looks on people's faces on the floors below when the doors open. 'Uh, I'll get the next one...'"
Me, "I hope those chairs are super absorbant. Who cleans these things up? Is there a janitor crew that throws down sawdust or what?"
Male co-worker [immitating the late night clean-up crew throwing down sawdust and sweeping], "That's the 3rd one this week!"
I thought I would pee my pants. The humor in all this is abundant these days. I kind of like the fact that I'm taking so much of this in stride... this great big human experiment I am currently involved in. Its all so out-of-control and you're at the mercy of nature doing whatever it wants. You have to laugh, you have to be open to all kinds of thoughts & comments. I feel almost like a little kid when I think about what is going on inside - I'm fascinated, curious and come up with the most absurd thoughts. I do not think this is unique to just me, especially given the fact that T is looking into getting an incontinence pad for her bed just in case her water breaks in the middle of the night. You don't want to ruin the mattress! We giggled at the thought of this. I then told her I was not interested in borrowing that hand-me-down. More giggles followed.
I'm rather enjoying this pregnancy induced "beer buzz." The intoxication of prego hormones is a pretty nice energy high that I've enjoyed these last 6 months. I always thought women got emotional (crying), exhausted (depressed), grumpy, bull-headed and overall difficult to live with. However, for me (forever the opposite of mainstream society when it comes to my emotional state), this has all been... blissful.
I'm actually sad at the thought of returning to the way I used to be.

You know you are pregnant when....

... you feverishly open a Tootsie Roll, anxious for the fake chocolate rush, only to have it plop onto your dirty office floor and roll a few times. You know they never vacuum and that you've spent the last week with your bare feet on the floor. You hesitate only for a second (not because you second guess what you are about to do but rather checking to see if anyone will see you) as you grunt to bend over and reach the deliciousness that awaits you. Emphasis on *grunt* because bending is becoming a luxury and less of an easily achieved range of mobility.
*sigh*
It was tasty.

Hands Free

Rob and I met at Chipotle for lunch today. I decided to go ahead and order while I wait for him to arrive. I got in line. The line was long and a ltitle slow so there was ample time to shuffle and look around. I crossed my arms. I then realized, the days of crossing my arms spacing out... are numbered. I started thinking about how my mom used to carry all my stuff... and then my pockets did... and then I got a purse (or a backpack)... and now I have a messenger bag + purse + lunch sack. Soon, I'll have a baby in a car seat + diaper bag + purse + whatever else I might need. I better live it up and enjoy my shoulder nakedness while it lasts.

Baby Shower

My SIL, Nicole, just threw a shower for me in the great state of Ohio this past weekend. I have now officially been to Ohio too many times for my liking during the last 4 months. Seriously, though... I have.
I have been to Stow during ALL the cloudy months which is to say nearly all 12 months (specifically Sept, Oct, Nov, Dec, Jan, Mar and April). This trip - was the exception! I dreaded going (it was supposed to be in the 80s back in Richmond) but it turned out beautiful! Friday was the drive up (cloudy and misty rain) followed by the baby shower on Saturday (cloudy and warm) followed by meeting up with extended friends on Sunday (sunny and near 70s!) and driving home on Monday (cloudy and cooler). It was great - we wore TSHIRTS with NO COATS. Wow, indeed.
The shower was great. My SIL, a jr high teacher, shines during organized events. She coordinates every detail and leaves you with nothing to do but enjoy yourself. Yes, I'm lucky.
We got many things for junior. From the car seat (and an extra hand-me-down base), the stroller, the play pen, bathtub with some bath supplies, books, and a bazillion clothes... all pink. Well, there was a blue outfit in there somewhere. J hand-sewn a super cute baby jumper outfit with three little black birds and grandma crochet a white blankie. Another cousin made burp clothes. N, my BIL's girlfriend, got us each our own diaper bags (girly pink paisley for me and faux brown suede for future daddy). Amazing. I still have yet to go through it all again... to let it truly set in what items we now own.
We had a bit of a "challenge" to fit everything in our car. I'm trying to avoid Rob driving back to Ohio just for the crib (which, let's be honest, still won't fit in the KIA even if it is empty with only Rob as the driver). After seeing Rob's friend, A, stuff the stroller/car-seat combo into the backseat the night before we leave town, I suggest we try and bring everything home instead of shipping the combo later. This sends Rob into a bit of a silent my-wife-is-pregnant-and-crazy sort of huffing when I sweet talk him into packing the car... tight... on Monday morning. He unloads everything all over the driveway. After a few choice words, a brief exchange of frustration, it all... magically... fits. We did have to rely on the mirrors to drive home and the tower of plastic baby stuff shifted & squeeked much of the way home, but it was all worth it.
We later unloaded the car and stuck it all in the guest, ...er baby's room. There are now bags piled around the bed which is covered in more bags. Its all a bit overwelming these days. Reality STILL hasn't sunk in. There's just so much to do (this closet has to move to that closet and that closet has to go to the attic and this dresser has to move to where that bookshelf once was). Decorating the baby's room and making room for baby isn't really very fun at all. Rob and I are beginning to feel the pinch, not on the wallet (not with all these gifts!), but in our daily lives.

24 Weeks - Photo

Whoa! I'm half the size I'm gonna get, yikes!
Well, I'm in my 25th week after having completed my 24th week. And to think, I never gave a shit about counting time this precisely. I used to think pregnant women were crazy when they told me how many weeks they were and that mothers were anal-retentive when they said how many months their toddler was. Its all beginning to make sense. It scares me.
So, technically, for you non-pregos out there, I am 5 1/2 months. Like my co-worker (who has a kid) said to me yesterday, "Phew, you're just starting." Yes, yes I am.
Baby kicks all the time. All... the time. She's kicking right now it fact. Its an odd sensation like something is insisting on attention and... you can't give it. She does stop when I rub her only to resume kicking when I stop. There's only so much of that I want to do encourage, though. First off, I look like a wierdo massaging my big belly while at work. That, and I'm afraid she'll become a brat demanding attention when she is here. I was a brat. I don't care to repeat the cycle into this generation.
So off we go to Ohio soon - leave this Friday. I'm feeling better than I thought I would (at this point - I think I could stand the 8.5 hour drive up. I'm not sure about the drive back, however. I was afraid my back would be killing me at this point but I think I'll be OK). Ullman family baby shower is this weekend. I'm excited and nervous as hell about getting all this baby stuff back home. So nervous... that I'm getting ticked off. I'd say I was almost PMS'ing over the whole thought of this weekend & getting things taken care of for this weekend... but its not PMS.
On a separate note: I had to shave my legs while sitting on the side of the tub today. Yes, ladies, for those of you who plan to get pregnant someday... mark your calendars. Week 24 is when you can no longer perform the flamingo while in the shower. There's just no abs for it. I now wonder when I can no longer reach my ankles.

Just a few months

Nothing particularly exciting or insightful to post today. I did want to make a note of an observation I've made.
We attended a St. Patty's Day party last night (yes, I drank O'Doul's. Its not bad, honest. But - it did have the born-on date of Aug 12th and it was recommended that it be enjoyed within 110 days. I enjoyed it over 210 days later. A little skunky...). the party was an outdoor bonfire slash garage party. No one there had kids let alone ever experienced pregnancy before (well, what the hell do I know - maybe someone there had a kid at some point in their life, but they certainly did not have a kid at home today). My size aside, when people hear that I'm due in July (4 months from now) they say, "Wow, not much longer!" And, its funny cause everyone I work with has kids and they all say, "Its just getting started!"
Its funny how perspectives change once you've experieniced this.
Before I ever got pregnant - 9 months seemed like a lifetime. Its essentially a year of drinking, traveling, late nights, partying, and skinniness all thrown out the window for one full year. But, if I ever met someone at 5/6 months pregnant, I always made comments like, "Wow! Home stretch! Soon, huh?"
Now that I am halfway through it, I must admit time has flown by this first half.
In regards to the time ahead, I think there is something to be said about the last half of pregnancy slowing down time as we know it. EVERYONE I know drags the last 6-4 weeks. Days pass like hours. You might as well sit on the toilet without every leaving cause you're just going to have to pee again as soon as you pull up your pants. You might as well throw out any plans about "resting up before baby" cause you can't get comfortable. You can't breathe. You ache. And to top it all off, you are swollen from water retention. *sigh* I fear the road ahead.
So, I think its funny that non-baby people think the last bit of pregnancy means its all wrapping up (which, makes sense that you think that cause time does go faster one week before Christmas or before your wedding or before anything huge you've spent time preparing for). And that, people with kids, know that time tends to s-l-o-w down the further along you get. Probably because nature wants to prepare you for a lifetime of patience ahead.

Weigh'd in

Had my dr.'s check-up today. I'm at 23 weeks + 3 days today. Nothing special - no real milestones at this point and no crazy tests done either (that happens at the next appt when I do the glucose test, yuck!).
But I did get weigh'd in. I'm now 154.5 lbs (yipe!) which is 14.5 lbs more than where I started. what does this mean - I'm right on par. If I keep up this pace, I'll be 170lbs. when delivery time comes around (holy crap!) which will be a total pregnancy gain of 30lbs (phew!). We'll see if I stay on this course... with Girl Scout cookies being delivered last week and Easter just around the corner, not to mention by insane cravings for candy and ice cream, I may get off target... fast!
Found this little calculator online. I love what it had to say to me!

Craigslist

Craigslist is an excellent source for kids stuff. Kids either outgrow it quickly, hated it, never wore it or you got doubles and you can't return it.
But this gem I found today - I can't put it into words. A woman in Hanover (neighboring county) is selling this item, here's what she says about it:
"Really cute pony in great condition from a smoke free home. It can either be strapped to your leg for the child to ride or set on the floor. The best thing is that it makes realistic galloping & neighing sounds. Below is a link to the web site for more info. If interested, please contact me even if Hanover isn't convenient for you. $15 cash. Thanks!"
Now, you just KNOW her kid was completely freaked out by this item... money not wells-pent by grandma who watches too many TV infomercials late at night. She attaches a photo and the link to the company's website... which left me horrified:
Give it justice - turn up the volume:
Po-knee Link

4 more months....

Ah, yes. Fun with Rob's Mac & the built-in photo booth. Not too sure why I didn't think of this sooner.
22 and 1/2 weeks. Yikes! I'm huge!

Honoring my pregnancy

So our yoga instructor asked us a long time ago, "How are you honoring your pregnancy?" You know you aren't when you don't even understand the question. I thought she meant, "What are you doing to capture this moment in time?" Which, I guess one could take it to mean just that. For example, I'm blogging about it, taking photos every 4 weeks, etc.
But, what she meant was,"What are you doing to honor your pregnant self?"
Answer - nada.
I haven't done anything to truly "treat myself." Many of us weren't treating ourselves, which, to me, is the very essence of motherhood.... too damned preoccupied with everyone else and their needs that you sacrifice yourself. Now, you're MY mother when you then turn it all around to martyrdom, but that's another story for another day.
I had decided a long time ago that I'd get monthly pedicures when I'm pregnant. You can't see your feet (or reach them) and why the hell not - its fantastic. So, this past Sunday - I did just that.
K and I went to a new spa in Carytown (Fusion - its great) and had a fun time. I reached the 5-month marker the follwing day so I should be able to do this 4 more times before baby gets here. And hell, why not treat myself for doing such a good job during labor one month after that? Why should the honoring end with the pregnancy?
;-)

Hand-me-downs

The world of maternity hand-me-downs is an amazing one. No woman truly "gets it" until she is pregnant and people throw clothing at her. Its amazing. It reminds me of some college friends who would buy so many clothes that they could afford to purge and pass on while it still was in style.
You have to understand - I still wore jeans from college until about a year ago (I have now finally gotten to fat for them. And no, it wasn't due to pregnancy). I never buy clothing. I LOVE to, there's just been so many other things in life that we needed or wanted. Clothing went on the wayside. I truly think you've reached the pinnacle of adulthood when you realize how fantastically out-of-touch you've become with the latest fashion trends.... and you don't really even care.
So, back to prego clothing. I have already said that C gave me a bag of her hand-me-downs. The "bag of denial" I lovingly called it. I've actually begun to take a dip in that bag in the last 2 weeks. I think I am, as of this week, exclusively into maternity clothing now. There's no going back-n-forth for this belly, not anymore.
I've also posted that I have purchased 5 pants, a skirt and various tops from Old Navy, The Gap and, ah yes, Gabriel Brothers.
But yesterday was the MOTHERLOAD. Thank you, thank you, thank you to A for her amazing box of never-ending cotton fiber blends. A moving box filled with trash bags... all... maternity.
After rummaging through every article, I settled on 2 trashbags for myself. Did you read that sentence? I settled on TWO TRASHBAGS filled with clothes! Ha! I actually left behind a third bag (all too large or out of season).
While discussing how I will need to purchase plastic bins to store all my old clothing, in order to make room for all of this new stuff, Rob made a great comment. He nailed it, "I think its so cool - this maternity network - where all of you share and keep the stuff moving around. It makes it so you can all save your money for what's important and fun in the end - the kid."
What more can I say?

20weeks

February 19th was 20 weeks. Its the halfway point! Its funny cause... the first half is way easier than the second half. Its almost not worth celebrating. I have no problems getting up or down and midnight bathroom runs haven't been a problem this last months. I'm enjoying this before it all comes crashing down on me and just taking a shower wears me out.
*wink*
20weeks
Have I mentioned how much I hate our camera? All these moments passing us by...

We're f*&ked

In the first formal study of fetal temperament in 1996, DiPietro and her colleagues recorded the heart rate and movements of 31 fetuses six times before birth and compared them to readings taken twice after birth. (They've since extended their study to include 100 more fetuses.) Their findings: fetuses that are very active in the womb tend to be more irritable infants. Those with irregular sleep/wake patterns in the womb sleep more poorly as young infants. And fetuses with high heart rates become unpredictable, inactive babies.
Uh-oh, our baby's a mover...

"Behavior doesn't begin at birth," declares DiPietro. "It begins before and develops in predictable ways." One of the most important influences on development is the fetal environment. As Harvard's Als observes, "The fetus gets an enormous amount of 'hormonal bathing' through the mother, so its chronobiological rhythms are influenced by the mother's sleep/wake cycles, her eating patterns, her movements."
If you know me - I got's some crazy cycles & patterns...

The hormones a mother puts out in response to stress also appear critical. DiPietro finds that highly pressured mothers-to-be tend to have more active fetuses--and more irritable infants. "The most stressed are working pregnant women," says DiPietro. "These days, women tend to work up to the day they deliver, even though the implications for pregnancy aren't entirely clear yet. That's our cultural norm, but I think it's insane."
What? Me? Stress? P-shaw! Now as for working up to the very day the kid drops... that's a given!

Picture pages! Picture pages! 19w4d

Photos going down the page:
1. She's stretched out with her feet together (ankle to ankle).
2. Here's a profile (you can see her nose and lips). I think she looks like a Klippstein.
3. Here's looking at you! Straight on face!
4. Profile and hand. See her thumb?

Boy, oh BOY!

... its a girl.

Photos to follow this weekend.

Yes, there's a baby in there

"Rob! You aren't going to believe how pregnant these new t-shirts from Old Navy make me look."

"Well, uh, Yeah! That's kind of what you are."

"No, but really [squeezing into shirt] look at this [rubbing belly], can you believe this?"

"Um, again, yeah! You're pregnant. There's a baby in there. This is what happens."

"Yeah,... but, I mean, this is crazy!"

"Again, I don't know why you're surprised. You keep pointing to your stomach saying, 'Look at this!' You're like a little boy who's discovered his penis for the first time."

"Yeah, well, that amazement still hasn't worn off - has it?"

Dear Baby Ullman,

In one more week we will know what you are - boy or girl. Finally, we will stop calling you "it".

I'm still in disbelief that you already look like our baby, only much too small for me to want to actually hold you.
Do you have my red hair or dad's brow? Do you have my mush nose or dad's strong chin? Will your hands be cold like mine or hot like dad's? Will you be good at managing things like me or excel at remember odd factoids like dad?

One things is for sure - you will be pale all your life thanks to both of us. I'm apologizing, in advance, for all that sunscreen you'll be complaining about before I let you go outside. I hated it, too.
You will also be tall and scrawny while you grow up. You may not always like this, but you'll appreciate it later on in life when you don't have to worry about weight as much as some of your friends.
You will look like you need sleep much of the time, thanks to both dad and I with our puffy eyes.
On the positive side of things, you will have awesome, strong shoulders (I am not looking forward to labor cause of this). Both mom and dad have never needed shoulder pads.
You'll also never worry about hair loss - we both have good genes for full heads of hair. Although, I can't promise that you won't have a ridiculous receeding hairline the older you get - we also both have genes for large foreheads.
You might have moles (thanks, dad!) or freckles (thanks, mom!) but if you get really bad acne in your teens - I promise you that we will take you to a dermotologist. Both dad and I remember how akward Jr. High really was and we have both agreed to do our best to make it as painless on you as possible. With that being said, we can't help with the glasses - no contacts till you're ready for the responsibilty. You might be OK in this department - dad and I are both good at personal resposibility.

There's a few things I want you to know now before you get here. A few things you'll learn along the way but the sooner you are up-to-speed, the better. I'm a basketcase of worry. I'm just letting you know up front. My mother was a worrier so I think I acquired this annoying habit from her. Its straight from good intentions and love, so please be kind with me if I over ask you things or question what you are doing. Patience with me is key. Incidentally - patience is another one of my shortcomings. I may push you to succeed and to try hard at big things. Again, its only because I am your biggest fan and want you to grab the world by the tail. Just remind me if I get too smothering. Its all I ask. We are both going to be learning things as we go along.

I also want you to know that dad will be taking over for me once you are out and about in the real world. Carrying you around the first 9 months is hard work but watching out for you - out in the world - will be a lot more work! He's going to be good at it though, you needn't worry. Dad is very good with kids and understands when to take charge. He'll give you the space you need and he'll play with you often (You're pretty lucky. I have to be up front and tell you, kids just love your dad). I didn't really have a great relationship with my dad (he traveled all days of the week) and I have always regretted it. And most kids end up going to daycare when they are little. We can't afford it (we'll teach you about money when you are old enough... its pretty difficult to fully understand and honetsly, most adults I know still don't understand it either). Daycare is an OK place to be (its fun to hang out with other kids your age) but I think staying at home with dad all to yourself - is simply the best! You'll soon see for yourself.

We'll be having many more talks in the future - but these are just some of the things that float to mind today. I think the sooner we start communicating - the better. So, you do the same and tell me what's going on once in awhile, OK?

Until later, I love you,
mom

18 weeks and kickin'

I have felt the baby move, or you at least think to yourself, 'What was that? I felt a little bubbly something. That was different. That must be it!" But yesterday morning, Sunday, as I lazily laid in bed (on my back no less. Yes-yes, stop scoulding me, you are not supposed to lay down on your back past 16 weeks... but it was really a brief roll-over in preparation to get up and out of bed) I felt a definitive kick. I had my hand on my belly and felt it both internally AND externally. First thought, 'what the?' Then, 'Rob should have been here!' Quickly followed by, 'do it again!'
I felt the baby wriggle in the morning and again after eating. It wriggled rather wildly when I went to bed. No need to lay on my stomach waiting for it anymore. I now notice it a lot more often! I'm wondering when it will turn from cute to driving-me-crazy. I hear they can kick-kick-kick when you try to lay down and to go to sleep. Or they stomp on your bladder sending you running for the toilet. Rather unfriendly!
Like my friend A wrote in an email (and I have heard this before, so you are not crazy A!), there does come a time when you get used to the cycles of movement and it becomes a part of your routine. Then there's the stage when it hardly moves due to space limitations and it can make you a wee bit frantically worried. And then finally - the separation anxiety after you have the baby. I can definitely see that later stage affecting me when I go off to work again after the baby arrives. I know I'll be a bit of a cryer when that time comes.
I still can't believe this is all happening. Having a baby. I know that may sound a bit stupid - but its all such a crazy ride. You get used to the stages of pregnancy and you begin to forget what it was like to wear pants with a zippered fly or that you used to sleep through the night without peeing or what it was like to stay up late without crashing at 10PM. Feeling the baby move is making this all seem a bit more real. But I also have to admit, its also making me a bit more selfish, too - I want more! ;-)

Boy or Girl?

One horrible online quiz says its 54% likely to be a girl and 45% likely to be a boy.

The Chinese Lunar Calendar says its a girl:

According to this site (listing many old wivestales):
1. The hair on my legs is growing slow, so its a girl.
2. The heart rate was 147 the first time and 155 the second time, so it must be a boy.
3. I had almost no morning sickness - so it must be a boy.
4. I think I am carrying low (so far) which I always know to mean "boy", but this website says its a girl.
5. Strings move in a circular motion over my belly - so it must be a girl.
6. I am craving sweets! Must be a girl.
7. I pee bright yellow... almost neon green! So, it must be a boy.

So, judging by all the above... it must be a girl. Majority wins, no?

Pregnesia

preg·ne·sia pronounced [preg-nee-zhuh]
–noun
loss of a large block of intelligent thoughts and memories; complete or partial loss of memory caused by pregnancy.

They say a woman's brain shrinks 5-9% in pregnancy. Apparently, it continues to stay that way until 6 months after the baby is born. I'm most definitely suffering from this. In fact, did I already blog this?

Lighter news: *Yippee!*, we find out what baby is on Friday, February 16th. Agh! I can't... stand... the waiting!

16 weeks

A third of the way there...
Maybe these awfully BLURRY and GRAINY and HORRIBLY WRONG COLOR photos will demonstrate, to my husband, WHY I have been wanting a new digital camera for when the baby comes. Already my idea of creating this picture montage of my monthly changes is thrown out the window. Not to be shitty, but seriously, why am I bothering to "capture" these moments on something that looks worse than a polaroid?
*sigh*, all that aside....
So! Check out the belly – wild, huh? Or is it just me? I busted out the maternity pants this Monday. I thought I'd get some comments. Nuthin'. Perhaps people don't notice the suddenly saggy wear? Maybe, I generally look like crap so this doesn't really stand out as anything unusual? Maybe, people have more going on in their day than my pregnancy (although I can't imagine anything more important).
Exciting news: I have felt it move. Everyone says its "like butterflies!" or "bubbles!" or a "tickling in your belly!". Its not. Its more like this slimy thing sliding across your lower abdomen. I told Rob it feels like your tongue sliding across the inside of your cheek. I described this to a friend who had a baby 2 years ago (who likened the sensation to "bubbles" at the time), she flatly said, "Yeah. That's it." Maybe I'm supposed to be more 'magical' about all of this. I'm such a realist when it comes to these things that I took out all the creativity in describing this feeling. Whoops! Sorry for those of you who haven't felt it yet.
It really is wild when it happens, though.
The first time I felt something was around 14 weeks. They say it can happen that early but will more likely be around 16 weeks. I guess by 20 weeks, you KNOW its the baby moving and it moves a lot!
I felt the baby move (first time) when we ate dinner much too late. I was starving. After that first bite... it slid across my abdomen. I couldn't move. I was wide-eyed. I wanted to ask, "Did you feel that?" like it was an earth quake shared all. Its so very real but only to you - that's what makes it so crazy.
The second time was a week later. After eating a very fast lunch at work, I raced to a meeting. Sitting there, I felt it slide. Again, wide-eyed. Now I knew what I felt the week before was it.
This week - it isn't as momentous but maybe its because I'm eating regularly... or maybe I'm getting used to it? Now I'm just getting plain selfish and I want it to really kick or hit. What a snot I am wanting to rush all these things. But, when you've "known" about your pregnancy for months before anyone else knows... you get a little impatient wondering when will you look/feel pregnant rather than just "telling" people you are.
This week is the alpha-protein test (NOT looking forward to this. It basically tells you if the kid will have Spina Bifida or other respitory problems or the liklihood of Down's). I'm so nervous. Its really a major test (one of the last one's to see what could be "wrong" with the baby) but they put it off so far along in the pregnancy... it makes me crazy. What if something IS wrong? Then what? Options still allow termination but that choice doesn't seem very easy when you've reached this far. I mean, its moved. Its beyond a tadpole at this stage. Its our kid. Geez, my head spins. I need to not worry & just wait and see. Its so much easier said than done.

Rubber-band solutions my ass

I have always heard/known/read that one trick to keep your regular pants on longer... is to loop a rubberband around the button and through the hole. This may work if your pants aren't like all of my dress pants (one with metal hooks) or if you don't mind that you've got your fly open as far as it can possibly be open (and I mean open wide! Is that white panties that I see?).
We leave today for the 8 hr drive to Stow OH. Tomorrow we then drive 2 hrs to Toledo OH to attend my grandmother's funeral (yes, I got the call at work yesterday at 1PM). On Saturday, they may (or may not) have a private burial just for family members and on Sunday we drive home. *sigh*, its a lot and I am already exhausted thinking about it.
I had to try on more work pants last night to see what I could wear to the funeral. My 2 pairs of black pants (didn't I wear this one pair just last week Wednesday?) already fit horribly. It happened so quickly. It went from minor uncomfortableness to all-out belly that fits into nada. Its funny and really not-so-funny at the same time. I'm 14 weeks - the books were right. I can't believe T held this event off until 17 weeks. Sheesh!
So, I dove into a bag of maternity clothes given to me from C. All, ok MOST, of the pants are floods. Fat, pregnant and pants too short? Please God, kill me. I did manage to find 2 pairs of Liz Lange in there. Although, not exactly crisp dress slacks (they look like dress pants made out of knit fabric typically used for yoga pants. The cinched waist doesn't help either), they will do. People don't look at family members clothing anyway. You're supposed to look like shit out of respect for the dead. Hell, some cultures covers mirrors and forego make-up (hear me now, I will never forego make-up. I will even given birth with mascara!).
So, I think I've reached that pinnacle. That pinnacle I've been anxiously waiting for - getting a belly and actually looking pregnant (showing). And now that I realize there's no going back and all I have are 5 pairs of pants for the next 6 months... what the hell was I so anxious for?!.

Yoga

So, tonight was the first night of my "Prenatal Yoga" class. I was worried it was going to be slow (first day getting acquainted with the teacher, fellow students, the center, etc) but we dove right in after the initial introduction! 9 girls in the class.
I was the barely pregnant one there (at 14wks) but there were some just beyond me. One girl was 15 weeks, another was 18 weeks. There was a 20, 25 and a 26 weeks prego there. Then there was the girl next to me at 37 weeks! Yikes! And she kept up with all of it so... maybe that's a good sign for me. It at least gives me no excuse to get spongy later on in this pregnancy.
I'm excited to have a weekly activity to look forward to - its a nice feeling.

Who Loves Me?

http://store.peppermint.com/hotslings-sophia.html
...enough to buy me this? Any takers out there? I think I'm a size medium... at least that's what the calculations on a competitor's site (Mother's Milk) said.

Baby Name Voyager

A co-worker showed me this link yesterday - its addicting! You can type in any name you want to see how its popularity fluctuated throughout time (Brooke, the newage name isn't ven on the charts tillthe late 1950's and Robert, is a slippery slope since it peaked in the 1930's).
Click somewhere near the blinking cursor and type in your name of interest... the chart just moves to display your name's history. Want to try another name? Just backspace (no need to click with the mouse again) and retype a new name.

Heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time this morning

Sorry - you'll hafta click on the title link - the flash code seems to not be working...

Retail Therapy

Well, like Rob said, it really wasn't "retail therapy" since it was all functional, practical and not necessarily anything "fun" that I'd truly want to own.
Maternity wear.
Yes, its sad to say, today I wore my black dress pants with a safety pin holding them together. I've also already progressed beyond many pairs of business slacks since they all feature those double hook/eye latch systems that fit well when you bought them... before you were pregnant.
Off to Old Navy I went. Rob, what a good team player, went with me.

All for $75.48 I am now the proud owner of:
2 tank tops - not maternity but long & stretchy - $6ea.
1 pair of green pants - chinos, really - $16.99 (were $34.99).
1 pair of tan velveteen-like "jeans" - $16.99 (were $34.99).
2 long Henley Tees with wide necks - $5.99ea. (were $19.50ea.).
1 charcoal v-neck sweater - $12.99 (was $34.99)


Rob and I were pretty amazed. It turns out I only liked the stuff on super mark-down. How often does THAT happen?
I still need 1 pair of basic black slacks and 1 pair of jeans... and shloads more tops... but I'm feeling confident, should the need arise, I'm prepared. And, I think that need could happen as soon as 2 weeks from now.

She ain't what she used to be

Well, I'm still learning that I am no longer what I have always been–––a high energy, multi-tasking, type A, work-a-holic that loves to pivot between stress and more stress. I am now the forgetful, laid back, more-interested-in-couch-time, not-wanting-to-get-involved, pregnant lady. Alas, is this the end of an era?
this weekend was a 3-day weekend. Thank God, I needed the break from - everything. From all the shopping, wrapping, traveling, family, ... all of it.
Friday, after work, I just couldn't wait to kick off my relaxing weekend. So, I cleaned. I know - it makes no sense to many people. But, I can't relax in a filthy house. Its like being sick and laying around in the same bed all day and all night with no shower - you feel so gross that it begins to make you feel worse.
I had Rob bring down all the XMas green & red storage bins so I could pack away every last morsel of the holiday. I had most of it packed and ready to go back up to the attic by the time I was calling it a night. We also managed to undecorate the tree and clean up all the needles. I vacuumed the whole living room so we could finally move over our new club chair that arrived after the tree was erected in its future location. It was nice to have the space again - room to breathe. Rob reffered to this purging of festive decoration as,"the living room's return to its normal mirthless state," to which he got a sideways glance. I don't think its mirthless, the walls are bright orange for God's sake.
Saturday morning I awoke early (thanks Betty, you truly are a great gift) to finish packing things away. I dusted off tops, put out a fresh table cloth, watered plants - hell, I even "repotted" the chinese bamboo just cause it, too, looked like it needed freshening. I was full force by the time Rob awoke. I then proceeded to finish up some laundry (did I mention I did 2 loads the night before?) and vacuum the rest of the house.
Somewhere between vacuuming the hallway and the master room - it hits me. The most severe backpain of my life. I don't mean the,"ouch! I ache," variety either. This was the,"Holy shit, did I pinch a nerve? I can't bend over to put on my pants!" variety. I was torn between pushing through so I could say I finished vacuuming the house (at least) or lying down before I made it worse. Which would old Brooke choose? The former, of course!
Rob was running errands and by the time he got home, I couldn't bend to pet our waisthigh dog. I was pathetic. He was, understandably, frustrated with me. I rested till we went to see a movie that night. I fidgetted throughout the flick but after a night's sleep, I was halfway to normal the next day.
Sunday I did hardly a thing. I really did take it easy. So easy, I even napped. I never nap! What's happening to me?
I then opted for the couch verses going to Carytown to watch the ball drop (man, I'm turning into a lazy-ass person. Aren't I supposed to be out and 'enjoying the final days of not having kids'?). Rob went on without me and called to wake me up with a,"Happy New Year" call. I'm fine with it. I wish I had been there but I have no regrets about sleeping through it all. ;-)
Monday, today, is New Year's Day. I wake up at least 3X's throughout the night to pee (wee! this is fun!) including 8AM when I was starving in addition to having go to the bathroom. I ignored the hunger and crashed some more till 10AM. When I woke up, finally, I knew I should eat something. I putzed straight into the kitchen for some toast. The amount of time that toaster took to toast was just enough time for me to crash... hard. I was pouring coffee and thought, "This smells awful," right before I noticed I was woozy. I dashed for a kitchen chair and flopped my head down on my folded arms. It still wasn't enough and I must admit, this was scary to me. I told Rob to get the toaster and that something was wrong. So wrong, that I needed help to the bed, I needed to lie down flat and fast! It was scary, my hands were tingling and I felt like I was slamming into walls as I tried to bolt for the bed. I laid down on my back and then became hot. Real hot. So hot I tried to tear off my housecoat that I wear (when you own a drafty house, you own things like housecoats) and asking Rob to help me. It was pathetic and sad all at the same time. I was afraid he wouldn't believe this little fit I was having so I told him I was burning up and to feel my forehead. I was sweaty all over. All this in the span of say, a minute. My hands became more tingly (like the marching ants you feel when your legs fall asleep) and I got really freaked out. I almost wanted to cry - it all seemed so exaggerated and irrational. Apparently, Rob says he feels this way when his blood sugar drops. Maybe he's right. I've never felt this way before and it was scary. He brought me the toast and I began to bounce back. I obviously plan to talk to my doctor regarding this little episode this Thursday when we go in to hear the heartbeat (the first time!). It was just all so strange.
I'm now trying to learn the lessons that it's no longer just me but somebody else here, too. Such a weird concept when you don't feel anything moving and you're still getting used to the idea of being pregnant.
I also wonder if I'll be forever changed by all of this. Not this weekend's events, no,.. but the whole pregnancy thing. Will I ever be my old high-strung, Type A self again? Will I be able to multi-task and "push the envelope" again? Or, does pregnancy open a whole new chapter on one's thinking. Does it make you evolve somehow into a new you where you change and become more learned?

Picture pages, picture pages...

Well, ok, so - it looks like I haven't changed at all in the last 3 months. I know I didn't gain anything the first 2 months. As for the last month - my scale still seems to say I haven't gained anything (but how much can you trust your home scale? Plus, you must factor in the user error...). I know that I used to be able to at least suck in my gut before. So, that photo of week 4/5 was really me letting it hang out there a bit. But today, I suck in as tight as I can and it doesn't budge an inch. Its also getting a bit more firm and rounded. If you knew I was pregnant and you looked at my belly - I think you could tell.

Here's 5 weeks (we thought it was 4)

Here's 9 weeks (we thought it was 8)

Here's 12 weeks and 2 days

12 weeks - 2 days

All my books and online newsources tell me that at 12 weeks - the uterus rises up and out of the pubic bone. In layman's terms, your belly starts to "pop out."
*sigh*
Today, I put on a pair of pants that LP and I both have from H&M. She will be thrilled to know that after today - they will be retired for a year. I not only couldn't button them but I could hardly zip them, too. Its so strange when this happens. You feel fatter and you don't feel fatter. Its a mixed sensation. I feel my belly when I sit, it has these new unique folds that I'm getting used to–but I didn't feel like I had outgrown pants already. You feel like a fatass initially. Like, "Oh my God, how could I let myself go like this?" And then you have to remind yourself - duh, you're pregnant.
In lighter & even funnier news, my recent romp reminded me of just how huge my boobs have gotten. I feel like I got a free boob job recently. Its hysterical. I almost feel like a pre-teen during puberty. These new funbags are not only way more bouncey than I have ever experienced but they form this hypnotizing cleavage that makes even me stare.
I find this whole process entertaining. I'm probably going to get even more candid about all of this as time wears on cause its all just that interesting to me. I feel like one big science experiment and its so fascinating. I feel like sharing this so those of you who have been here before can laugh in remembrance and for those of you who haven't been here can marvel at what really goes on step by step (the stuff they don't necessarily reveal in maternity books).
I plan to post monthly photos, soon, too (no, not of my chest). We took one at what we thought was 4 weeks but it was actually 5. Same for 8 weeks but it was actually 9. And we took one today. You'll all get to see how out of shape I was before this adventure begins.

Christmas will never be the same again...

... and thank God for that - cause this year's sucks.
Yes, yes - the weather is unseasonably springlike, which, is nice. But it isn't exactly making me want to snuggle up with a cup of cocoa.
My grandmother is doing better in the hospital. They are even talking about transferring her to a nursing home and possibly starting rehabilitation. This is fantastic! Too bad my mother is so soured from the last week's events that she's completely dampered ANY energy I had left to lift her spirits. There's only so much one can try to lift dead weight before one says to oneself, "Fuck it. I have better things to do. Like, write about this shit on my blog..."
So, my family celebrates on Christmas Eve. Typically the evening involves copious amounts of alcohol, shit-talking extended family members (we are somehow related to all kinds of interesting stories just waiting for Jerry Springer to call & book the show), opening gifts while I video-tape (I quit this year. I'm also the only one who insists on kicking of the night be rewatching the last 10 Christmas's. Again, I can only be so positive about these things before I realize I'm wasting my energy), and then Yahtzee fits in somewhere during all this.
Its generally pretty fun all-in-all.
This year - ppffft!
Rob and I took the dogs for a walk before dinner - I was ready to either strangle my mother or scratch her eyes out. It was becoming a toss-up as to which one would result in more pleasure for me. Rob grabbed me in the nick of time... I was leaning toward stranglation...
On our walk (brrr, ok, its getting cold now. That's what I wanted!)... we discussed next year. Would we come here, again, for the 3rd year in a row? Would I be able to have time off to go to Ohio? Would we stay home and do our own thing?
Rob says, "Well, maybe the parents can come and stay with us. We'll have a 6-month-old."
Holy shit. A 6-month-old. That's crazy! I mean - that's pretty old. That does go by fast! It will go by fast. I know I hear about them growing up 'right before your eyes' but... our kid's already growing up in our future plans and we don't even know if its a he or a she yet.

Keeping Up

I've been so busy the last few weeks. After Ohio, I went right back to work the next day. After work was holiday-party-food-shopping and all night long cookie baking. The weekend was cleaning the house followed by terrible news regarding both of my grandmother's health followed by hosting our Christmas party (I think it went well despite my being sober at a party for the first time since, at least, high school). The next day was errands and picking up a new chair we had ordered months ago. Then, back to work, more downhill news regarding my paternal grandmother (I believe we are now on stand-by at this time), and after-work Christmas shopping (I have hardly any gifts for my parents... which really doesn't matter at all given the recent family news. We've all begun to re-evaluate what the holidays mean). And the rest of this week will be catching up on bills, buying groceries to make it till Saturday (man, despite what I once thought, cannot live on cookies alone) and getting to Greensboro on time Saturday to pick up my parents from the airport.... that is if they still come back home after caring for my grandmother in Ohio?
Everything is hectic and up-in-the-air.
I've almost forgotten about obsessing over pregnancy this past week. That's a good thing... because its made things go by a lot faster!
This week I'm in week 11 and the baby is about 2" long. It will be 2.5" by Christmas. Talk about tremendous growth. I'm actually beginning to realize that I will be as big as a house. I really did, in the forefront of my mind, think I'd have a cute belly that most woman have at 5-6 months. I kind of stopped imagining it past that point. Maybe because woman are scarcely out & about shopping & hanging out when they are that uncomfortably big. Dear God,... I'm going to get HUGE!
*deep breathes*
I skipped ahead and read about week 12... My hell is just beginning:
"Some women start noticing changes in their skin at pregnancy 12 weeks. You may notice for example that you have more freckles or that the freckles you have seem darker."
Great.
I'm going to look like a bloated leopard.
*sigh*

The End is Nigh!

We are at a rest stop on the Pennsylvania Tpk en route home yesterday... when we walk past a really small gift shop. The shop is a triangular shaped closet complete with a candy-filled cash register, a magazine wall and a Steelers memorabilia wall. In the center, a free standing classic metal comic book rack. Rob walks on in, "Hey! Check this out!"
I walk in and stand at the comic book rack (what else would Rob be looking at?).
He's standing at the Steeler wall, "Isn't this awesome?"
Its a Steelers baby bib.
Wow, how quickly our focus changes...

Maternity wear

Maternitees.
Motherhood.
Planet Motherhood (with a stork circling the globe as the logo).
Crave Wear.
Bb.
Zero to Nine.
All of them... atrocious. Each shirt simply says to the viewer, "I'm pregnant and no longer give a shit. About... anything."
What the hell. Maybe its the fact that I'm not really showing yet & I'm still trapped in the mentality of wanting to buy cool, fun clothing that looks great now. Maybe I'm in denial of the fact that I will have a belly so big that I soon need to say good-bye to my feet, my knees and seeing my crotch till next year. Maybe I can't get over the fact that I need to spend $30 on something I'll wear for 3 weeks before outgrowing it and moving into the next stage. Maybe its that all these shirts look like parkas. Burkas. Small teepees to shelter a great white belly. I don't have a problem wearing long, slim shirts that show it off. In fact, didn't we all see people like Rachel on "Friends" doing this very look in the 21st century? Can't pregnancy be cute? Maybe I'm just looking at the wrong place. I was, afterall, an hour-and-a-half deep in Gabriel Brothers - a discount shithole located near Kent State University. The quality is cheap, the staff unintelligible and the lighting grating. But, I also wanted to stock up on "basics" and thought this would be a great place to start. Instead, I stood horrified at Rob's parents house.
I had bought a bunch of clothes to try on in the privacy of my own home. I am not really ready for house dresses, so I needed to be in a comfortable environment to gently sob myself into shirt after shirt. One was salmon colored (why did I pick this up?) and featured pouffy capped sleeves. Rob looked at me, "Those are kind of cute (tugging on the shoulders). The sleeves with the little poof." The man has already learned. I gave him a hateful sideways glance and he bounced into, "Yeah, maybe not so much."
Me, "I look like Laura Ingalls."
Rob, "Yeah, take that back." And we laughed.
I'm still wearing t-shirts and sweaters that were already too short in the waist a year ago (my clothes are so out of style. After getting married and getting a house - one really does tend to let their fashion sense go in exchange for nice furniture and nicer meals). Hopefully, I can milk all of this just right so I never need to be told its time to switch over and, hopefully, when I must switch over, I can wear crop pants and t-shirts galore. These baggy-butt pants and cape-like sweaters are just not cutting it for me.

Week 9

Click on the title of this entry to see actual photos of what a baby looks like week-by-week! It says at 9 weeks it can wrap its hands around things... and that its started moving!

Its a... baby!

Well, all my predictions were wrong since I'm actually further along than I thought (which is much better then thinking I was 8 weeks and having it actually be 6 or 7 weeks!).
I am 9 weeks and 1 day today (computer generates this info based on the "Crown-to-Rump" measurement).
Baby is 23cm long (that's just shy of an inch!).
Baby should be here at or around July 10th. Turns out it will be a Cancer afterall. ;-)

So here's some photos!

Predictions

I'm linking what stage I think I am in today. Stage 18 of a 23 staged process.
I'm also stating, for the record, that my due date will be July 18 (although I plan to hold on tight for as long as I can - till the 23rd at least - so as to ensure I have a Leo and not a Cancer baby. How many pregnant woman ever want to go a week past their due date?). I think the baby's 13mm long (CTR) and that I've gained 3 lbs. These are my predictions - let's see what happens at the doctors today!

24 hours

(Actually, its 32 hours) Just one more day until the first ultra-sound. I'm so freaking anxious I can't stand it.

How the hell is this "fun"?

Online pregnancy websites are 1-part helpful and 2-parts corny.
I just read a suggestion about how to keep your pregnancy a secret during the first tri-mester if you are typically a very social drinker (which, I am). I have so far raised no questions as to why I have not been drinking - but its still good to gather additional tips.
How in the hell is this a tip? Is this fun?
"It can be fun to tell everyone you're on a diet, then confuse them as you pack on weight at a rapid pace."
That's great. Thanks for offering this suggestion injected with my irrational fear of becoming fat. I feel comforted.

Stomach Sleeper

When I was a little kid - I always faced the one side of my room (even when I would flip my mattress around to face various walls). I'd fall asleep on my side looking out the window.
Somewhere after college (or maybe even while in college), I switched to falling asleep on my stomach. It was difficult at first since all my pillows were extra thick & firm since they were designed for side sleepers. Sometimes I'd push the pillow off the bed completely. I'd then splay out across the bed diagnonally and fall asleep quickly.
I eventually graduated to stealing Rob's softer pillow so I could have a something that wouldn't prop my head up too much. He later suggested an extra flimsy, feather pillow able to be squished down to the width of a pancake. Ah, bliss. I love this pillow.
When I go to bed now I always face the one side (I can breathe only facing this direction when sleeping on my stomach). I pull my arms up tight under my chest... sometimes so much that I wake up to them falling asleep under the weight of my chest. By morning, I'm sunny side up.
How am I going to sleep in the pending months? I'm actually fretting about this. I hear about woman being so uncomfortable and incapable of sleeping through the night. But I know that's due to going to the bathroom (I'm already up once every night and I hate it). I'm more worried that I'll never be able to fall asleep. My routine has always been to roll on my stomach, squish up into a tight ball, prop up one leg in a jack-knife (digging into the small of Rob's back) and off to sleep I go.
Now when I get on my back my boobs feel like stones. Its like trying to sleep on a rock quarry. And my stomach, although not at all "showing" is becoming more hard and tempermental to discomfort. I am increasingly more aware of this when trying to fall asleep. I know I've got a month left at best.
*sigh* And to think I was worried about puking night and day.