Picture pages, picture pages...

Well, ok, so - it looks like I haven't changed at all in the last 3 months. I know I didn't gain anything the first 2 months. As for the last month - my scale still seems to say I haven't gained anything (but how much can you trust your home scale? Plus, you must factor in the user error...). I know that I used to be able to at least suck in my gut before. So, that photo of week 4/5 was really me letting it hang out there a bit. But today, I suck in as tight as I can and it doesn't budge an inch. Its also getting a bit more firm and rounded. If you knew I was pregnant and you looked at my belly - I think you could tell.

Here's 5 weeks (we thought it was 4)

Here's 9 weeks (we thought it was 8)

Here's 12 weeks and 2 days

12 weeks - 2 days

All my books and online newsources tell me that at 12 weeks - the uterus rises up and out of the pubic bone. In layman's terms, your belly starts to "pop out."
*sigh*
Today, I put on a pair of pants that LP and I both have from H&M. She will be thrilled to know that after today - they will be retired for a year. I not only couldn't button them but I could hardly zip them, too. Its so strange when this happens. You feel fatter and you don't feel fatter. Its a mixed sensation. I feel my belly when I sit, it has these new unique folds that I'm getting used to–but I didn't feel like I had outgrown pants already. You feel like a fatass initially. Like, "Oh my God, how could I let myself go like this?" And then you have to remind yourself - duh, you're pregnant.
In lighter & even funnier news, my recent romp reminded me of just how huge my boobs have gotten. I feel like I got a free boob job recently. Its hysterical. I almost feel like a pre-teen during puberty. These new funbags are not only way more bouncey than I have ever experienced but they form this hypnotizing cleavage that makes even me stare.
I find this whole process entertaining. I'm probably going to get even more candid about all of this as time wears on cause its all just that interesting to me. I feel like one big science experiment and its so fascinating. I feel like sharing this so those of you who have been here before can laugh in remembrance and for those of you who haven't been here can marvel at what really goes on step by step (the stuff they don't necessarily reveal in maternity books).
I plan to post monthly photos, soon, too (no, not of my chest). We took one at what we thought was 4 weeks but it was actually 5. Same for 8 weeks but it was actually 9. And we took one today. You'll all get to see how out of shape I was before this adventure begins.

Christmas will never be the same again...

... and thank God for that - cause this year's sucks.
Yes, yes - the weather is unseasonably springlike, which, is nice. But it isn't exactly making me want to snuggle up with a cup of cocoa.
My grandmother is doing better in the hospital. They are even talking about transferring her to a nursing home and possibly starting rehabilitation. This is fantastic! Too bad my mother is so soured from the last week's events that she's completely dampered ANY energy I had left to lift her spirits. There's only so much one can try to lift dead weight before one says to oneself, "Fuck it. I have better things to do. Like, write about this shit on my blog..."
So, my family celebrates on Christmas Eve. Typically the evening involves copious amounts of alcohol, shit-talking extended family members (we are somehow related to all kinds of interesting stories just waiting for Jerry Springer to call & book the show), opening gifts while I video-tape (I quit this year. I'm also the only one who insists on kicking of the night be rewatching the last 10 Christmas's. Again, I can only be so positive about these things before I realize I'm wasting my energy), and then Yahtzee fits in somewhere during all this.
Its generally pretty fun all-in-all.
This year - ppffft!
Rob and I took the dogs for a walk before dinner - I was ready to either strangle my mother or scratch her eyes out. It was becoming a toss-up as to which one would result in more pleasure for me. Rob grabbed me in the nick of time... I was leaning toward stranglation...
On our walk (brrr, ok, its getting cold now. That's what I wanted!)... we discussed next year. Would we come here, again, for the 3rd year in a row? Would I be able to have time off to go to Ohio? Would we stay home and do our own thing?
Rob says, "Well, maybe the parents can come and stay with us. We'll have a 6-month-old."
Holy shit. A 6-month-old. That's crazy! I mean - that's pretty old. That does go by fast! It will go by fast. I know I hear about them growing up 'right before your eyes' but... our kid's already growing up in our future plans and we don't even know if its a he or a she yet.

Keeping Up

I've been so busy the last few weeks. After Ohio, I went right back to work the next day. After work was holiday-party-food-shopping and all night long cookie baking. The weekend was cleaning the house followed by terrible news regarding both of my grandmother's health followed by hosting our Christmas party (I think it went well despite my being sober at a party for the first time since, at least, high school). The next day was errands and picking up a new chair we had ordered months ago. Then, back to work, more downhill news regarding my paternal grandmother (I believe we are now on stand-by at this time), and after-work Christmas shopping (I have hardly any gifts for my parents... which really doesn't matter at all given the recent family news. We've all begun to re-evaluate what the holidays mean). And the rest of this week will be catching up on bills, buying groceries to make it till Saturday (man, despite what I once thought, cannot live on cookies alone) and getting to Greensboro on time Saturday to pick up my parents from the airport.... that is if they still come back home after caring for my grandmother in Ohio?
Everything is hectic and up-in-the-air.
I've almost forgotten about obsessing over pregnancy this past week. That's a good thing... because its made things go by a lot faster!
This week I'm in week 11 and the baby is about 2" long. It will be 2.5" by Christmas. Talk about tremendous growth. I'm actually beginning to realize that I will be as big as a house. I really did, in the forefront of my mind, think I'd have a cute belly that most woman have at 5-6 months. I kind of stopped imagining it past that point. Maybe because woman are scarcely out & about shopping & hanging out when they are that uncomfortably big. Dear God,... I'm going to get HUGE!
*deep breathes*
I skipped ahead and read about week 12... My hell is just beginning:
"Some women start noticing changes in their skin at pregnancy 12 weeks. You may notice for example that you have more freckles or that the freckles you have seem darker."
Great.
I'm going to look like a bloated leopard.
*sigh*

The End is Nigh!

We are at a rest stop on the Pennsylvania Tpk en route home yesterday... when we walk past a really small gift shop. The shop is a triangular shaped closet complete with a candy-filled cash register, a magazine wall and a Steelers memorabilia wall. In the center, a free standing classic metal comic book rack. Rob walks on in, "Hey! Check this out!"
I walk in and stand at the comic book rack (what else would Rob be looking at?).
He's standing at the Steeler wall, "Isn't this awesome?"
Its a Steelers baby bib.
Wow, how quickly our focus changes...

Maternity wear

Maternitees.
Motherhood.
Planet Motherhood (with a stork circling the globe as the logo).
Crave Wear.
Bb.
Zero to Nine.
All of them... atrocious. Each shirt simply says to the viewer, "I'm pregnant and no longer give a shit. About... anything."
What the hell. Maybe its the fact that I'm not really showing yet & I'm still trapped in the mentality of wanting to buy cool, fun clothing that looks great now. Maybe I'm in denial of the fact that I will have a belly so big that I soon need to say good-bye to my feet, my knees and seeing my crotch till next year. Maybe I can't get over the fact that I need to spend $30 on something I'll wear for 3 weeks before outgrowing it and moving into the next stage. Maybe its that all these shirts look like parkas. Burkas. Small teepees to shelter a great white belly. I don't have a problem wearing long, slim shirts that show it off. In fact, didn't we all see people like Rachel on "Friends" doing this very look in the 21st century? Can't pregnancy be cute? Maybe I'm just looking at the wrong place. I was, afterall, an hour-and-a-half deep in Gabriel Brothers - a discount shithole located near Kent State University. The quality is cheap, the staff unintelligible and the lighting grating. But, I also wanted to stock up on "basics" and thought this would be a great place to start. Instead, I stood horrified at Rob's parents house.
I had bought a bunch of clothes to try on in the privacy of my own home. I am not really ready for house dresses, so I needed to be in a comfortable environment to gently sob myself into shirt after shirt. One was salmon colored (why did I pick this up?) and featured pouffy capped sleeves. Rob looked at me, "Those are kind of cute (tugging on the shoulders). The sleeves with the little poof." The man has already learned. I gave him a hateful sideways glance and he bounced into, "Yeah, maybe not so much."
Me, "I look like Laura Ingalls."
Rob, "Yeah, take that back." And we laughed.
I'm still wearing t-shirts and sweaters that were already too short in the waist a year ago (my clothes are so out of style. After getting married and getting a house - one really does tend to let their fashion sense go in exchange for nice furniture and nicer meals). Hopefully, I can milk all of this just right so I never need to be told its time to switch over and, hopefully, when I must switch over, I can wear crop pants and t-shirts galore. These baggy-butt pants and cape-like sweaters are just not cutting it for me.

Week 9

Click on the title of this entry to see actual photos of what a baby looks like week-by-week! It says at 9 weeks it can wrap its hands around things... and that its started moving!

Its a... baby!

Well, all my predictions were wrong since I'm actually further along than I thought (which is much better then thinking I was 8 weeks and having it actually be 6 or 7 weeks!).
I am 9 weeks and 1 day today (computer generates this info based on the "Crown-to-Rump" measurement).
Baby is 23cm long (that's just shy of an inch!).
Baby should be here at or around July 10th. Turns out it will be a Cancer afterall. ;-)

So here's some photos!

Predictions

I'm linking what stage I think I am in today. Stage 18 of a 23 staged process.
I'm also stating, for the record, that my due date will be July 18 (although I plan to hold on tight for as long as I can - till the 23rd at least - so as to ensure I have a Leo and not a Cancer baby. How many pregnant woman ever want to go a week past their due date?). I think the baby's 13mm long (CTR) and that I've gained 3 lbs. These are my predictions - let's see what happens at the doctors today!

24 hours

(Actually, its 32 hours) Just one more day until the first ultra-sound. I'm so freaking anxious I can't stand it.

How the hell is this "fun"?

Online pregnancy websites are 1-part helpful and 2-parts corny.
I just read a suggestion about how to keep your pregnancy a secret during the first tri-mester if you are typically a very social drinker (which, I am). I have so far raised no questions as to why I have not been drinking - but its still good to gather additional tips.
How in the hell is this a tip? Is this fun?
"It can be fun to tell everyone you're on a diet, then confuse them as you pack on weight at a rapid pace."
That's great. Thanks for offering this suggestion injected with my irrational fear of becoming fat. I feel comforted.

Stomach Sleeper

When I was a little kid - I always faced the one side of my room (even when I would flip my mattress around to face various walls). I'd fall asleep on my side looking out the window.
Somewhere after college (or maybe even while in college), I switched to falling asleep on my stomach. It was difficult at first since all my pillows were extra thick & firm since they were designed for side sleepers. Sometimes I'd push the pillow off the bed completely. I'd then splay out across the bed diagnonally and fall asleep quickly.
I eventually graduated to stealing Rob's softer pillow so I could have a something that wouldn't prop my head up too much. He later suggested an extra flimsy, feather pillow able to be squished down to the width of a pancake. Ah, bliss. I love this pillow.
When I go to bed now I always face the one side (I can breathe only facing this direction when sleeping on my stomach). I pull my arms up tight under my chest... sometimes so much that I wake up to them falling asleep under the weight of my chest. By morning, I'm sunny side up.
How am I going to sleep in the pending months? I'm actually fretting about this. I hear about woman being so uncomfortable and incapable of sleeping through the night. But I know that's due to going to the bathroom (I'm already up once every night and I hate it). I'm more worried that I'll never be able to fall asleep. My routine has always been to roll on my stomach, squish up into a tight ball, prop up one leg in a jack-knife (digging into the small of Rob's back) and off to sleep I go.
Now when I get on my back my boobs feel like stones. Its like trying to sleep on a rock quarry. And my stomach, although not at all "showing" is becoming more hard and tempermental to discomfort. I am increasingly more aware of this when trying to fall asleep. I know I've got a month left at best.
*sigh* And to think I was worried about puking night and day.